Asperger grandson not invited to party

Fortunately in many cases of kids with autism being treated differently the kids themselves are quite oblivious, particularly when they are younger. They don't necessarily want to join in.
My grandson has friends round and then goes off and does his own thing. If they want to join in with him, they can, but he's not going to do something different because he doesn't need to.
At 14, his friends know what he is like, so join in with him.

And there was no obvious restrictions of numbers.12 were invited. What difference would 13 have made ? There is usually one who is ill on the day or forgets to come because their life is a social whirl ! I agree that these different children are a breath of fresh air.They give us glimpses of the world we are often not conscious of.

Sorry but i don't buy the decent party Mum bit she knew the little lad as they had been friends for three years and attended each others parties on other occasions She didn't want him there, lets be truthful, it wasn't decent of her to make up excuses, why would she drop one child out of a group of little friends? She saw him as a possible problem and didn't want to take a chance, ok her right to choose who she wants at the party, but unless the little boys had fell out and it doesn't sound like they had she should have kept the little group of friends together and treated them the same.
Its this business of treating a child differently for whatever reason that makes me cross all they need is to be treated as one of the group to be accepted for their differences blooming boring old world if we all did the same

Sad isn't it that these children have to confront such problems so early in their lives. Like redf8235 I feel very angry on behalf of all these wonderful, individual children.

Sorry to hear this*BBbevan*.There is some research that girls actually learn to disguise and cope with their condition as they get older better than boys so I hope this will be the case for your GD. Part of me feels they shouldn't have to, and they ought to be accepted for who they are but that is not the sort of world we live in unfortunately.

I find this thread distressing as , as I said previously this happened to my GD. This then developed into her best friend of 5 yrs shunning her and most of the girls in her class bullying her. This has now been resolved but not before GD had an horrendous , heartbreaking year at school. Now the Ed. Psych is involved the school is doing more for her.
The GS of the original poster will have, I pray, a better time. Boys are much easier in their friendships and he seems to have a good friend. Hope al goes well

I think it was decent of the probably embarassed party mum to tell the OP's daughter why she wasn't inviting the little boy. The reasons given—having to restrict numbers (because of space or cost?) and thinking the child (whom she knows a little, presumably, from the kids' friendship) would not enjoy the party—are not unkind. The party mum needn't have said anything, but she did. I bet it was difficult for her.

How sad for her but it does not seem to be unusual. When my children were young it was accepted that if you invited someone to your party you would be invited back. Not so now. I agree it is prejudice on the part of the parents not to invite the child who is a little different..In our case our grandson is perceived to be excitable and I think they are worried they won't be able to handle him.In effect he is very docile in new situations and with people he does not know.

My GD has encountered this problem She is 9 and just getting assessed for Aspergers.
She has always had interesting birthday parties and invited all the girls in her class. They all came but she has never been invited to their partys.
. Prejudice from the other girls' parents we think , as she is a very bright, some say gifted child, if a little quirky

The Autism Toolbox website for schools is good.

My daughter in law goes from primary to primary taking one child out at a time and giving them intervention teaching.
She gives five children half a day each. The rest of the time they are with the whole class, occasionally helped by a classroom TA if there is time. Not really good enough, and she knows which teachers have had training in recognising autism and which do not think it's their problem.

My DGC problems include problems with clothes - fabric touching the skin, wearing shirts, pullovers, waistbands, - car sickness, even on a very short distance, can't read black print on white background, takes literal meaning to things (like the child at the party told to lie still for as long as possible) no problems with sound though as is very noisy

I think it varies DJ. Certainly there used to be a lot going on in my LA, but I imagine the cuts will have had an impact. Obviously I am not involved professionally anymore, but I know some TAs who support individual children and they seem to have a pretty good programme of training and support. I have certainly seen evidence of visual timetables and other strategies in primary classrooms.
My grandson in Spain has had no support from the education service, but the Asperger's Association have been very good about supporting class teachers.
Were you talking about primary or secondary?

I think teachers still do not have enough training in how to teach or even recognise autism.

Looking back at my children's friends I can now see that one or two of them would now be considered to be on the spectrum but 30 years ago were just considered to be eccentric answers certainly not excluded from parties. I remember playing dead lions at one party where on lad refused to get up long after the game hadfinished because he had taken the instructions literally to lies till as long as he could.I think he did move when the party food came in ! Today he is a successful businessman man but still very precise.

Answers should read and were .What is it with these tablets ?
Also one lad and lie still .

I wasn't a teacher but I was never aware of autistic children in my school either. My son is dyslexic and in the 70s his teachers said there was no such thing and he was just lazy. I suppose as years pass things get understood more. And with the advancement of the Internet people get to chat more and find out more.

When my DGC was diagnosed as ASD I was astonished. It never occured to me that could be what the problems were. Until I read up about it, the only thing I knew(or thought I knew) about autism was that the children could not make eye contact and didn't like being held and as neither of these applied to my DGC I couldn't see how such a thing could be considered. How wrong I was.

DJ, I was a SENCO in the eighties too. We definitely had children at the higher end of the spectrum in school. Later on, as an advisory teacher I visited a lot of special schools and some were in schools for children with moderate learning difficulties others in schools for severe learning difficulties. I also visited specialist schools for severely autistic children. Later on I visited units which were attached to mainstream schools (though these were more common in the nineties).

I used to teach special needs in the 80s. Although I knew about autism because a friend had a daughter with severe autism, who was in a special school for autism, I never came across any in mainstream school.
I wonder where they were.

Greenfinch all children are "different". Autistic children, fat children, thin children, tall children etc. Most children can be bullied for one reason or another. It is hard to watch them go through these ordeals. My DGC is just beginning to realise that other children (who are not autistic) can be bullied or left out too. It has been a strange learning experience. All we can hope for is that they find their way in life with the love of their family and hopefully friends. However, the more autistic children there are, the less they stand out as different. It's amazing once you start talking about it, how many people know an autistic child or adult.

I just worry about the effect on our children of knowing they are autistic,knowing they are different.It can't be easy to cope with.

It's only now, after dealing with GS1 who we believe is somewhere on the spectrum, that I realise why DH behaves the way he does. When he was a child he was just considered naughty and noisy ( his mother once told me he was an evil baby) so he's had to get by as best he can.

Yes it does seem a large number of us have autism in our families. 50 years ago, I don't suppose many of our grandchildren would have been given a diagnosis, or the support that goes with diagnosis. It's one of the improvements in our life times.

Isn't it amazing how many of us have DGC with autism?Not rare at all, is it?
My DGS only attends parties of other children on the spectrum, mostly, they don't interact at all,just do their own thing anyway.I think that DGS enjoys all the party prep more than anything else.

Hello again starbird

You are ryight Iam64 I was confusing aspergers with tourettes and also did not see redf8235 second post sbout the xbox bus. Apologies for rubbish post.