My daughter needs help

Bearing in mind her loneliness, and touching on what Bluebelle said about having a purpose, would a pet help??

I would agree that working is probably the best thing if she enjoys it and can manage, this is because if she is feeling low about herself after the relationship ended her self esteem has likely suffered and at least her job will continue to make her feel positive about herself. If she isn't well enough to work then possibly telling her clients that she has health problems which requires her to take time out is a good idea. I don't know anything about her financial position but if she is unable to work because of her mental health she might claim ESA and possibly PIP. My suggestion would be that she contacts her local CAB for help with these claims.
It is difficult when a huge life change happens and it's often under estimated by others, loosing a partner (however) and a way of life or future dreams and security is traumatic and leads often to post traumatic stress disorder. This sounds very much what she is suffering from! PTSD is not just restricted to obvious triggers like car accidents, or injury but can be trigged by loss of a home or a friend or a relationship, basically any traumatic event.

Anti-depressants can take up to 6-8weeks to work also if she is having relaxing meds they will make her very sleepy,can someone not stay with her or she go to stay with them for a few weeks,it is one step at a time in this situation,can she not take 2weeks off totally from her business and stay with someone for some respite,bombarding her wont help she needs calm and peace to come to terms with things,keep on with the meds .,take care of yourself too.

Hi she has a pet dog which she is unable to take care off, he is with a dog minder at the moment. I am trying to get her up here with me but she is putting obstacles in the way. I have just found out she has very little food in the house at the moment. Her daughter has gone around to see her before she goes to work.

From a little experience I have, I would just like to add that in a serious case of depression, feelings, even love for family, or a pet, can be deadened. Everything, including packing and making arrangements to visit you, cooking, making decisions etc can seem overwhelming. Seeing other people in couples (like you and your husband), can make you feel even more lonely, and a divorced person can compare themselves with widows/widowers, even if their loss is as a result of tragic circumstances, by thinking that at least their partner did not choose to leave them, but yours did. That is a deep hurt that can smoulder for a long time beyond normal grief at being left alone.

I would suggest that your daughter may need professional help starting with her GP, who may refer her - she may need to be admitted to an appropriate institution for a short while, and they would hopefully attange counselling and follow up care, although what with cuts and shortages in the NHS, she may not get the help she needs or when she needs it. You and your daughters can support her as much as you can, but ultimately the patient will have to want to move forward. If she has a religion, is there anybody there that might help? Sometimes it is easier to talk and take advice from an outsider.

Thank you starbird, we have had professional help with doctor and the mental health services. There was an option of admitting her to an institution which she does not want. She is getting daily attention from the mental Heath unit which I can't fault.

I hope this post comes across right. If she had hope of another relationship, not now, but not too far in the future, do you think she would start to improve at all?

Has she been admitted before? Do you think it would help her to be admitted?

Obieon, she would improve tomorrow if a new man came along. Do you know any eligible ones with a few bob lol. No she has never been like this before.

If, and again I am being very careful saying this, one of her daughters or you, started looking on online dating sites for her, and she "happened" to find out, is that worth pursuing?
She seems to have lost hope.

!!!

What you describe sounds like clinical depression which certainly won't be sorted by a new partner! www.mind.org.uk/information-support/ is a good place to start if you have not already done some research.

But clinical depression normally comes from nowhere and you don't necessary have or can find a reason for it, your daughters depression is through a 'happening' there is a very definite reason for her lowness You are incredibly lucky for her to be seen every day by the mental health team and they will obviously be keeping a very close eye on her and will get her sectioned if they fear she is getting worse

I m sorry to disagree but I think the thought of looking for another partner is the very last thing she needs in her life, she needs to be a whole lot stronger before embarking on men, who are complex creatures and could add huge potential issues to a life that isn't functioning properly .... Men don't save you nine times out of ten they complicate a life please don't be looking for men for her that would be for all the wrong reasons

I think it would be a really good idea ( if you haven't already) to talk over with the mental health nurse and take their advice as to the best way to help your girl

The idea of an on line search for a replacement man, by her daughters, is the last thing your daughter needs.
She is getting a high level of support from the mental health team, which suggests they are well aware of the level of need in her case.

She is fortunate to have such a loving family. I hope that you and your granddaughters can support each other, as well as your daughter here.

www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Depression/Pages/Causes.aspx Maybe some help here too.

Houseseller I'm sorry but I have to disagree that another relationship would be good for your daughter. If anything then happened in a new relationship, she would be devastated again. What she needs is to get her confidence back, get to feel comfortable in her own skin and not have a man making her feel whole. What is it that makes her feel that being on her own makes her feel inadequate? To go into another relationship while seeking mental health advice/help is not good. Plus, to be honest, if it's just being with anyone, it doesn't say much for the man who she has just finished the relationship with. From what you say, as long as she is with someone, it doesn't matter who it is. This is not good for her either. There could be someone out there who will take advantage of her in the state she is in at the moment. She needs to get stronger, believe in herself, do for herself and learn how to live by herself. Maybe she could have a lodger? That would give her company but no commitment. Maybe she could do bed and breakfast if she has room in her home? Even one bedroom could be made into a B & B. She has to look at different options to having another relationship just yet and in time if it is meant to happen it will happen.

I have been single for 10 years now because I have been getting over my last relationship. I was with him for 5 years but it has really torn me apart since we finished. And I still wont go into something until I am ready and someone is worth it.

We are women, we are strong, we can do it ourselves. Please look at different options for your hurting daughter. Love to you and her and her daughters too. X