What can I do to get my husband to turn the heating on?

It's not fair to assume that everyone has the money to follow the advice given and to get out of a situation like this.

Well if the OP's hubby is as awkward as he seems about the heating it might well be that that the OP does not have an independent source of money.

Only on Gransnet! Someone asks a question and they get, practical advice, jokey advice, benefits advice, marriage guidance, medical information, counselling, outrage, sympathy and finally suggestions of trollery.

I think the only way to 'change' this husband is to ignore the control freakery. *

dollyjo I would recommend your buying an oil filled radiator and have it right next to you so that you get the radiant heat from it, as well as it heating the room. I find the only way to get my legs warm on chilly evenings,, from the knees down, even with the heating on, is to have direct heat on them. A blanket just doesn't do the trick. You could buy it online if you can't get about easily.

And just tell your DH to oompah off.

This is physical and mental abuse! I suggest that you speak to your doctor or any other health professional and get their advice. I too suffer from cramps etc when I get cold as I have arhtritis and rheumatism and it has taken some time for me to persuade my hubby (a yorkshireman) to leave the heating on at a certain temp. It took me losing my temper and getting very distressed one day threatening to leave him as he wouldnt recognise why I needed it set higher but he does now. Please please get help, even the police if necessary, if you are unable to persuade him yourself. xxx

This is domestic abuse, he is a bully and the only way to treat a bully is to stand up to him. Have you got a spare bed and room if so move in there with an electric blanket and call it your room! TV, etc. Also withdraw all services, Having also been ill with cancer and other medical conditions I also need warmth and I can relate to your problem. Please, please, let everyone know, medical people, family how he treats you and shame him. Good luck

I am worried about the controls being " barrackaded", and the talk about " begging" him to put the heating on.
If he feels he has to save on the 'leccy, then " no cook " meals could be the way forward, but I'd be inclined to point out that we're both equal partners.
Either that or shoot him.

This morning my neighbour came round and in front of him I asked if she had her heating on last night. She said she had had it in every night because it is on a thermastatic control and cuts in when it is cold. He said to her the reason I was cold was because of the way I dressed. RUBBISH
When she had gone, I told him I am going to ask everyone I see if they have got their heating on and explain that John won't have ours on.
Surprise, surprise he has put it on tonight. Let's see how long this lasts. I have bought a fan heater today and I can pick it up tomorrow.
You ask how does he barrackade the boiler. It is in the garage and he puts heavy objects in front of it like the freezer with things piled on it that I can't move them.
I have told him that I have saught advice on a website and for health reasons I should be warm. I didn't tell him which one and I think he thinks it is a diabetic one.
I'm just hoping the actions I've taken has shocked him - prompted by you. Ask me in a week or a months time. I do think he has been bullying me but he is such a nice person and so well liked, I didn't think anyone else would think it was serious.
Thanks for giving me the confidence to challenge him.

Excellent news, dollyjo! Keep it up. You know you have our moral support. Here's to the brave new you! ?⚡️??

You go, girl! I didn't post on this as everything I wanted to say was said so much better by someone else, and this sounds like a great result. Well done to all the grans, and well done to you, dollyjo. Keep us posted.

Good on you Dolly

First important steps to being more comfortable. Well done you

Well done dollyjo! Long may it continue.

I am so pleased for you dollyjo but do remember "nice is as nice does".

Muscular activity generates heat so if you're unwell or have mobility problems you won't be moving around much so you'll feel the cold more than someone who is active. One of the reasons why men don't feel the cold like women do is that men have more muscle than women and muscle burns glucose to release energy and that generates heat. Women generally have less muscle than men so don't generate as much heat.

I have a friend whose husband used to reset the boiler controls on Monday mornings so the heating went off when he was at work and came on in the evenings! If I went round there for coffee we were both perished! She had a baby and small children too. At weekends he allowed the house to be warm all day. Some men are very selfish at home even though they may win popularity contests socially or at work. They are called control freaks!

I hope your husband's response has given you a little more confidence dollyjo. In the future if there are similar issues remind yourself of this success and have another go at tackling him. Eventually he'll get the message that you're not to be messed with.

Telling you that he doesn't want the heating on is one thing. Making it physically impossible for you to put it on is something more sinister. He may be well liked by others but they don't have to live with him.

I hope this is the start of him taking more notice of you.

My mum rang me earlier this week, my dad was doing the same, refusing to put the heating on, mum is 79 has a bad heart, lung cancer, arthritis and osteoporosis, after his stroke my dad doesn't feel the cold as much, and a few nights ago it was really cold around here. Told her to tell him I said I would be round to switch on the heating if he didn't do it.......he put the heating on PDQ! next time you have a doctors appointment take him with you, but prime your doctor first about the heating, doctor can tell you 'both' you need to keep warm and the risks to your health.

Such good news dollyjo. So glad you found the courage to stand up to him and make demands. Well done you

As I did with the poster who said her husband regularly locked her out of the house as a punishment, I really do hope that this is a wind-up.

I couldn't bear to think that a grown woman would tolerate a husband who went to such lengths to keep her cold.

Well done dollyjo just keep it up and look on it as the first skirmish or battle as you have not yet won the "war"! You still need to see the doctor and get some backing for the future. Do not let up! Get the garage cleared of the barricade even if you have to get someone in to do it and show that you mean business. This has to be the beginning of the "new you"!

You must lack imagination if you think that all 'grown women' are able to stand up to bullying partners, Riverwalk.

Have to agree with wot Riverwalk sadly.

No lack of imagination on my part - I was for 25 years married to a controlling bully.

But I'm happy to see that the OP, after only 24 hours on Gransnet, has challenged her husband of 30 years!

Well done Dollyjo. I'm sure we're all quietly applauding your bravery.

I am apalled at this post
As a diabetic too my doctor has advised 17 deg in bedroom and 20 deg in rest of house
We have thermos that control this it is cheaper to keep on
As children we were always cold surely at this life stage we should be beyond this
Your oh is just mean ... Constant temp would save instead of using electric appliances
You need to be warm safe and comfortable in your home
Hugs to you..