How do you fill your time?

When I retired nine years ago I became a Magistrate. I had to retire early due to ill health but most of the role is listening and having and being impartial. It can take you up until you're seventy when you have to retire. It's very interesting and rewarding. I used to sit for full days usually 9:30 am to around 4:30 pm maybe once or twice a week. This gives you time for other things. I applied for an application for from my local court.

' but most of the role is listening and being impartial'

Sorry

I thought over two options - Magistrate or CAB adviser. I chose the latter and spent eleven years helping people to make decisions, claim benefits, make consumer complaints... and so on. The training was very thorough. You are never expected to know all the answers, but to know where and how to find them. Colleagues were helpful and tolerant. I only did a day a week but had plenty of other things to keep my occupied, like U3A and NWR. I recommend CAB!

Referring to MOnica's post of 10/1, I really can't see it deserves the negative comments that some gave it. It seems like a measured response to the OP and no reason for either the OP or anyone else to get upset. Let's keep things real.

Did you read her post NotTooOld? Let me help you out. I was asking for practical suggestions. I gave a little about my background, the fact that I'm not a big talker (that's just the way I am) and I get back from M0nica unhelpful suggestions such as:

"I am afraid, as you say, you are coming across as very negative, but any activity outside the home is going to require some effort on your part. No activity is going to come to your door and welcome you unless you are prepared to come forward and be welcoming to it. You need to start thinking about things you would like to do."

Well yes, I am thinking about things I want to do and posting on here was a plea for some helpful suggestions from other Grans.

"You seem obsessed by not being good at small talk, but casual conversation among members of an organisation is the oil that helps it operate well. Going to a coffee morning doesn't mean you have to talk the whole time, many people rather enjoy having a listener. Just being there means that people get used to having you around and begin to see you as part of the group."

Obsessed is a tad cheeky, don't you think? I'm not really a group person, that's a fact I know about myself and after being here for 61 years I think I have a bit of a clue. Yet M0nica seems to think I should get out there and join some sort of coffee morning group think. How condescending does a post need to be?

"I assume you worked as a teacher. Did you really go through your whole teaching career without ever exchanging any words with colleagues and pupils that was not directly work related or meaningful?"

Again, how condescending is that?

Anyway, I've had some lovely responses from everyone else. I was irritated by M0nica, but I guess that's just how she is, bless.

*thing

The least we can do is try to avoid pomposity on here.

Oh and by the way, I wasn't a school teacher M0nica. My post-grad was in teaching and assessing within the NHS. Never assume anything.

Gosh- there is so much to do when you don't have to go to work that the main problem is that they all clash!
I have 3 different volunteering jobs, all very different and each one could expand into far more if I had the time.
The U3A is great for all sorts of things and ours runs about 5 different walking groups for a start -not to mention Bridge groups, reading groups, various languages, art groups, local history groups, art appreciation and far too many to mention.
I took up running- training for a half marathon takes up several hours a week so I have stopped that one and just do short runs now.
The NWR is another great organisation with a very varied programme if you have a group near you.

We have a local theatre that want volunteers for all sorts of things, not just the acting. Lots of people join choirs (I would if I could sing ).

When I retired, I realised I was going to lose the circle of casual acquaintances I had at work so I joined the U3A line dancing, tai chi and walking groups. I looked at what was on offer at my local community centre and went to Pilates and tap dancing classes there. Through these I met people who pointed me in the direction of other groups. Over the years I have dropped the activities that I didn't like. One of the best things I did was to volunteer for two charities. I learned such a lot about fund raising and managing a budget. Another good decision was to join a gym as I can go whenever it suits me.

It is daunting to join a new group activity, but remember, that unlike work, you don't have to do it. I sometimes didn't go to things just because I could. Some days, I just wallow in doing bxxxxx all without a blush.
The world is your lobster! Go for it.

Sadiesnan - yes, I read MOnica's posts. I cannot apologise if you found them destructive as they were not my words, but I do apologise if you found my own not to your liking. Jings has a point (about pomposity not having a place here) but I've found that in asking for help or advice on GN it is as well to be a little thick skinned as you never know what might be thrown at you! By the way, I agree with you about the difficulties of finding meaningful stuff to do after retirement. I spent my first 5 years of retirement wondering what on earth I could do with the rest of my life. Eventually I settled down and found useful things to do although it's only recently I've stopped missing my job (yes, teaching - sorry!), so if you are only lately retired you may find things improve as you go on. I do hope so.

I think her comments were a bit out of order, that's all. If no one says anything to her she'll never know will she? As for being thick skinned, yes up to a point but let's not blame the victim comes to mind, although I don't feel like a victim.

Thanks for your advice about retirement, it is helpful.

Sadiesnan - what I'd actually like to do is to own a hairdressers. I'm not a hairdresser but I feel like I've sat in enough salons to know quite a bit about it. I would be the manager and I'd employ stylists, manicurists, beauticians and a few juniors. If I couldn't have a hairdressers it would be a tea shop. Sadly, neither is likely to happen because

a) our savings are joint and DH is never likely to want to invest in a hairdressers or a tea shop, and
b) I may be too old (I know, I know, one shouldn't say that, but I'm not sure I could be on my feet all day).

Still, it's nice to dream, isn't it?

Sadiesnan try not to let some of these comments get to you.

I do understand your problem. I moved away from friends and work colleagues about 8 years ago to be closer to my children and grandchildren, some of which were still in the planning stage!

Since then I've done a lot of child minding, but when it comes to doing things for my own pleasure - that's another matter all together. I've tried U3A (not enough classes with vacancies and full of cliques) W.I. (too much cake and crafts) Rock Choir (expensive) and gyms (would rather get out and walk the dog and granddog) I've volunteered at a charity shop (smelly work) washed bed clothes for a homeless charity (quit when new Hitler manageress took over) and been a guide at my local place of historic interest (still doing that). I've also taken part-time work at our local castle and just been offered consultancy work with county council.

So I have tried. But I really can't find anything that grabs my attention of lets me meet people of a kindred spirit. i think it gets much harder as you get older and sometimes it feels like 'I'll never have that recipe again'. Despressing isn't it?

This might sound like I'm a quitter. But I never was before. I loved my job(s) when I worked full time, I had great colleagues who became friends. But I can't seem to get back that je ne sais quoi for which I'm searching.

At the risk of adding fuel to the flames I'd suggest it's time to let it go, chill your beans and let the anger that seems to have built towards MOnica go. MOnica's post was forthright but I do feel some of the response was maybe just a bit of a Huge Reaction.

Oh I love 'let it go' posts. Which just, in themselves, add to the thread.

Yes, it had already died down...

(not referring to Anya's kind comment)

Thank you Ana

Jinglbellsfrocks, I think I love you. You make me chuckle, thanks for that.

Having had a busy life and a job (rather than career) in the Civil Service, I had to retire due to ill health. So I took up such things as family history research, joining a women's group, refresher French classes, trying to learn German (a no-no!), yoga, Pilates (another no). I found U3A very cliquey too, like Anya, and some of them, and other walking groups, seemed very superior if you couldn't manage a 10 mile hike.
I do like some crafts, though, and you never know until you try whether or not you may find something absorbing.

DH was lost when he retired but I persuaded him to use his expertise to do voluntary work; he is the secretary of one association and the chairman of another and they take up quite a lot of his time.
He was also asked to become a Town Councillor, which he refused, but that could be quite interesting - some Councils co-opt members, you wouldn't have to be politically partisan.

You'll wonder how you ever had time to work!

It is very liberating when you don't have to work!