Husbands

Cathybee they stayed together and were married for almost 60 yr he did mellow with age but was never an easy man to live with my Mum must of loved him an awful lot ,I don't think would of put up with him if I'm honest. Only you know whether how much you are prepared to put up with.

Really really need an edit button.

I think perhaps going to bed and going to sleep is similar to running off to the pub - both are avoidance reactions. Not knowing what to say or do but feeling angry/hurt. And the the other person feeling the same but reacting differently.
My husband used to refuse to speak to me for 2-3 days. In the end I just said sorry and begged him to come out of his shell.
Now this rarely happens, thank God, it's SO frustrating.
Thankyou to Cathybee for bringing this up - I thought I was the only one with problems like this.

Interesting discussion. Just to throw another aspect into the mix - I am faced with having to bite my tongue a lot because OH is ill (he has PD), so the idea of a good row, or even saying something that might send him off to bed seems to me to be a bit of a luxury!

tricia you are right, it's just an avoidance thing, going off to bed to sleep.Better than him going to the pub or yelling at you.I have heard that some men do go to sleep in the face of the wife's wrath!

Mishap (((hugs)))

Thanks kitty - I just thought it might highlight that sometimes a good row or a sulk is something to be treasured!

I don't know what my OH is going to do next time we have one of these ' standoffs' in years gone by he always took himself off in the Motohome.
He has been known to go for a week!!! We have sold it now, so he's buggered.

You made me laugh Petra. If my husband and I have a disagreement we normally don't talk for a couple of hours and then get back to normal. We don't really 'fight' anymore after 39 years. He does drive me nuts at times and I just read my book and ignore him.

Petra that made me smile!!

Especially as arguments are often part and parcel of people's lives Marelli it must be very difficult to bite your tongue.

DH and I used to have spectacular rows but mostly just get over disagreements nowadays. Like Marty, he drives me nuts but I can ignore him/it usually. I go and clean the kitchen, instead!

My DH is turning into my grandfather. He used to spend hours in his shed keeping out from under Nan's feet.

Thank goodness for sheds

cathybee yes my OH does it (well used to do it quite often) when he was fitter he used to just go out the house (sometimes he would leave a note saying "I'v had enough"!!! ) then when he got more ill he would just go to bed sometimes for one or 2 days, he wouldn't speak didn't want tea/dnner etc..and always seemed to me that started to speak first (I have a gold award certificate for "holding ones tongue") then he got depressed and still did it, think last time was prob about 10 mnths ago, he gets down when problems arise and just goes into this mood. More often than not he now does go to bed a lot but this is because of his illness and C.O.P.D etc so he goes to bed uses nebuliser and has a rest, but he can soon revert back to the sulking (hence I always bite my tongue and just ignore him until he comes round) I think that is why I am so stressed all the time... "good luck"

plus if I did!! have a full on blazing row, it would prob stress him so much he may have heart attack etc as he has heart failure amongst his other problems..but his life is so weary at times that I do feel sorry for him.

I think also that DBH used to bottle things up a lot more than he does now. If he started off being disagreeable, it was usually because something was worrying him elsewhere and he really can't think about two things at once. So if i said something like 'Look, I've asked you three times now to move your pile of out of my way' and sounded irritated, and he had had a nasty bank statement or someone at work had been fired, he would be off, but I wouldn't find out until much later what had been worrying him. Plus he suffers from SAD. So now I try to put myself in his shoes more than I used to, and try to find out if something is wrong before I get cross, which makes me more tolerant I suppose.

Following a row, my mother used to regularly retreat to bed with one of her 'heads'. Strangely these only occurred when she lost the argument.

Fortunately DH and I rarely row these days (hope that's not tempting fate) and have been married long enough to talk most things through. After 'disagreements' DH usually retreats to his work shed or behind a newspaper if the weather is bad while I huff around the place and clean vigorously. For me anger or worry always result in a tidy spotless house.

lol NfkDumling yes I also used to to that, I always seemed to do the jobs that I didn't like doing like the oven etc..to be honest I don't think I realised It was cleaning half the time until the next day when I thought hmm ovens nice n clean

It now feels a little more normal, going to bed after an argument.

I had never seen it done before. When my Parents fought it was a matter of Mum moaning and Dad just listening and me waiting for him to Blow!

Hadn't seen anyone go to bed in the middle of an argument before!

it feels nice to read all the different stories and has helped me in buckets.

Thank you

I have a confession to make. Very early in our marriage we had an awful row. For some reason my very young husband decided to leave in the middle of the argument and run a bath. Well I was simmering with fury. After about 15 mins it just boiled over into a volcano of red anger. I filled up a bucket of freezing cold water. Ran into the bathroom and pored it over his head I will never forget his face. The shock was awful he almost went blue and couldn't breath. I thought I'd killed him. So perhaps exiting to the shed is his way of protecting himself. All that passion..long since gone

Kiora, don't feel guilty! I emptied a large pot of yoghurt over my then young husband's head but he still eats yoghurt, also threw a large jam tart at him but he still likes them (although I don't make them any more). The tart missed and slid down the kitchen wall. Oh dear, well he could be can be very annoying.

You know what this brings to light. That you never know what goes on behind other peoples closed doors. Yoghurt and jam tarts - I love it. You are right Kiora - all that passion. Can't really get the energy up to have a real old screaming match these days.

What about Shakespeare? He usually gets it right. Sleep ....knits up the ravelled sleeve of care ,balm of hurt minds. My DH took to his bed very frequently post retirement when we were acting like sandpaper with each other trying to get used to being together 24/7 and I use to chant this to myself to stop being cross. He tends to call me Lady Macbeth too(for my cleaning frenzies not my murderous instincts)

It was 44 years ago marty! ( I still feel like doing it sometimes but wouldn't, too much waste of food)

I threw a lamb dinner at ex-DH. Just a shame I missed and we had a cream carpet and walls at the time!

To all you ladies on this thread, I take my hat off! Been with my DH for nearly 30 years;(sigh of exhaustion at the thought). "Discuss" is not a word included in his vocabulary.He is a nice bloke, but used to be inclined to sulk and retreat.Now though, this dosnt happen ; hardly at all, because I don't engage...er, DIS-engage myself from the scene and usually go out to enjoy my many activities with the friends I have made through them.
(Never thrown anything at him, though; he"d probably have thrown it back!