Christmas Dilemma

I'd agree that going to the trouble of finding out what they want is more important than spending exactly the same, as long as they feel they are equally treated the actually money sums don't matter.
I remember years ago my dad giving my small kids a huge pile of presents because he had spent a lot on cassette players (or whatever it was then) for his older grandchildren. It was kind but a bit ott.

no doubt there are few other in the same situation..me being one of them, we only have 1 GS whos now 7 and I do spoil him and have no quarms about that...but as DD has now got married last Feb and her new OH has a son 2 yrs older ...he has this week gone to live with them (long story) and seems to be settling in ok...I now feel like I have to buy equal as it is obvious he is going to become part of the family although this could change at any moment in time... Im not sure if the other Gran.would or will treat my GS the same (ie same value/amount of gifts etc) especialy at Christmas......so my GS is going to have to have his gifts reduced as we have a very tight budget, so yes I will be treating them both the same as much as possible as if they were! blood siblings they would be getting equal....I havn't come across this situation before so all new to me..but feel they should all be treat the same...

I have six grandchildren and two 'honorary' grandchildren, who have two sets of grandparents. My new DIL told me not to think I have to start shelling out the same amount of money on her two from her previous marriage, as a) they have far too much and b) they have grandparents buying for them already. I'll put some thought and creativity into what I give them, though - they're gorgeous kids. They understand I am their baby brother's grandmother. I'm glad DIL raised it with me. She's a sensible woman.

I had been wondering about this situation, when more GPs come into the equation, do the biological GC then feel they are getting less ?

possibly harrigran as they are getting older! but at the mo with our GS at 7 I don't think he would notice too much!

My Christmas list seems to grow each year and consequently the amount spent has to decrease accordingly. The thing is it is not always the cost of a present that makes it more suitable. My grandchildren, of whom there are 11, range from 27 - 14. There are now 3 great grandchildren under 3. The older they are, the more difficult it gets and often £10 in a card is more acceptable. I try to limit it between £10 - £20 each. The less you have to spend, the more thought you have to give.

As for treating step-children differently, it would definitely cause resentment. There is enough sibling rivalry without that!

Whenim64, my situation is slightly different in that my son's partner's daughter doesn't see her dad, or his parents (none of them have bothered to try to see her since she was 2 - she is now nearly 14), nor do any of the children see their mum's parents, so we are the only "grandparents" she has. I think that's probably why we've always tried to treat her the same as the others. If she already had grandparents who were buying her lots of gifts, and two dads effectively as well, then we may well do differently. It's very sad that her dad and his family haven't cared enough to get to know the beautiful girl she is growing up to be, very much their loss I think.

Ah, my sympathies MrsSB. I had a similar situation with my ex-DiL's children, who didn't have contact with their own grandparents. I used to buy decent presents for their birthdays and Christmas, having become their 'honorary' grandmother, too. I was still working then, and could afford to, but if I was in the same situation now I'm retired, I would struggle. I suppose it depends on their age and level of understanding. I used to take my own grandson out for treats and have him to stay so I could spend special time with him. He's nearly 14 now and remembers the time we did things together, more than the presents I bought him. Come to that, I struggle to remember presents given, too.

My DS's wife is a wonderful stepmother to my senior GD and her lovely parents treat her just the same as their true grandchildren. I can't say how grateful I am to them for being so kind to my lovely GD.

Neeny

I would definitely spend the same on them. You will only be doing right by your son after all.

It sounds as they are a joy to you all after troubled times and I wish you all an enjoyable Xmas.