jealous 5yr old granddaughter

Your daughter needs to sit down and talk to your granddaughter. Acknowledge that it's difficult when a new baby comes along because they take up so much time to look after and ask her what she wants (obviously little brother can't be sent back). Then explain how her behaviour makes mum feel....children often don't realise how they upset people and discuss what she can do instead when she's angry or feeling left out.

Then agree a set of rewards and consequences. Have a sticker chart for when she succeeds and let her choose a prize for when she fills it (maybe a day out without little brother). The idea is to modify her behaviour with positive rewards.

I agree. This sounds like emotional blackmail and you are all buying into it. If your daughter works on the behaviour modification using rewards and consequences, but she must be very consistent. At 5 your GD us doubtless at school. How does she behave there?

Yes, notice when she is behaving as you want her to and give lots of praise and cuddles, with the star chart on show. My daughter has a line for each set of 10 stars with Treat written next to the space for the 10th star. Then, if she does something you can reward (and you can create such opportunities) let her get the star and stick it on whilst you praise her. It didn't take long for my grandsons to cotton on about the rewards, and they would come to mum saying 'I did my teeth without you asking, so can I have a star?' Works like a dream!

Also, expect success and make it clear to her that you know she's going to do well as you engineer success opportunities. It'll soon pass. Apparently, I tipped my little sister out of her (my!) pram when I was 4, but all I can remember is how we loved playing together.

My mother let the pram with her baby sister in it roll down a steep hill, fortunately it stopped by itself and didn't roll into a pond.
According to my mother she ( my mother) did not get enough love and attention.
DD2 has a wayward daughter and was advised to give her more and more cuddles even if she didn't feel like it. It has worked, the phase is over.

I don't think my sister – five years older than me – has ever forgiven me for being born.

One of my daughters was like this freyaking and I admit that NONE of the above worked (I was teaching parenting classes at the time ). However, fast forward to her adult years and she is a dream sister to her two younger brothers and they are all really close. I tell myself it was worth the (very long) wait!

I know it's awfully difficult when the older child is being totally obnoxious but she does need to feel loved. I think sometimes the older one seems so much more grown up than the baby that we expect them to understand more than they are able to.

Thanks for all your replies. I have shared your wisdom with my daughter and she is also grateful for the advice.