moving on after bereavement

I am so grateful for all the messages. It makes a huge amount of difference to know that I am not alone in this. I don't know many people here but the few neighbours I do know have been wonderful - everyone saw the ambulance and police at the house yesterday and one neighbour in particular, who has become a good friend over the months, even helped with the cpr before the paramedics arrived. Several nurses from the cancer unit have called to say how shocked and sorry they are too. Post mortem tomorrow, after which we will know what happened.
Can I admit something which will sound so awful? Last night DS helped me bag up all DH's clothes and toiletries, apart from his best suit and things for the funeral. I caught sight of his slippers where they had come off his feet when he fell and just could not bear it. I knew I would not be able to tackle this later and just plunged in while I was still so shocked.
This is a terrible time. It was my mother's funeral today, in Australia.
But she was very elderly and was, I am sure, ready to slip away.

Learner How heartbreaking for you and such a terrible shock. Please let us all help you to get through the difficult and sad times ahead.
How wonderful that your children are all coming to your side, and they will be a source of comfort to you even as you comfort them.

Be kind to yourself and let it all out when you need to

jendurham

One of the things I could not do this year was go to my grandchildren's birthday parties. The thought of all those parents and grandparents either sympathising or asking where Ken was was just too much. No need to upset grandkids unnecessarily by crying at their parties.
My husband died at home. He was taken to bed on January 1st, halfway through his mother's 90th birthday party, and never got out of it again.
He died 3 weeks later. For 3 weeks he had been on the Liverpool Care Plan.
My grandson lies down on the bed and talks to his grandad.
We have 4 grandchildren ranging from 19 to 5 years of age. Only the 19 year old knew him from before his accident, although he could kick balls without falling over for all except the 5-year-old, just not very far.
We have bought a seat for him at Beamish, for all you people who know up North. We go and sit on it and have picnics there.
The last time he was out of the house with the family and under his own steam was half term last year, when we went to Beamish. He suddenly decided he could not cope any more, and one of our sons brought us home.
This was after he had had the brain operation but before radiotherapy.
We'll be going there next week with three of the grandchildren.
They are what keep me going.
Our youngest son runs for his dad. He has done the Edinburgh and Chester Marathons, and Thirsk 10 mile. He says when he runs he talks to his dad.

Learnergran That must have been a shock to you, so as well as the sadness of losing him you also have the effects of the horrible experience. When you feel you can't speak out loud but want to talk, gransnet is the place to go. There is usually somone about to listen and reply. Do you have good neighbours as well as your family? I found when my dear husband died that neighbours I had hardly met became a source of strength to me.

I am not going to say that time will make it better - it doesn't - but you will eventually be able to do things alone without feeling stranded, and take pleasure in visiting places which have good memories. It is possible.

Jendurham and Learnergran having just read your messages, I can only say that I am dreadfully sorry. You need your family and the support of friends [and that includes we Gransnetters] at this sad time. Please keep sharing with us.

Oh dear*Learnergran*, how awful for you my thoughts are with you. Post on here when you can (((hugs)))

Learnergran, I am really sorry for your loss. How very sad. ((Hugs))

Learnergran
I am so sorry and my thoughts are with you. The first few weeks are so busy but remember to take some time for youself.
Post here whenever you feel the need. I have found the support on this site very helpful

Yes, reading this thread with great sympathy and admiration for bravery.

Learnergran - we are all with you in spirit. Keep posting.

Jendurham I have just read your post and my thoughts are with you.
My husband died in April a very sudden and unexpected death and I also have days that are not good.
I have found the support found on the site invaluable and often log in to read the posts. This is a club that no-one wants to belong to but we do all support each other and sometimes writing about how you feel helps a little.

Learnergran what a dreadful thing. Never feel you are giving too much information on here. Let out every single thing you want to say if it helps.

With much love and sympathy to you and all your family

Dear Learnergran I'm so very sorry, for you and your children too.

Oh my dear, what a dreadful shock for you . I send my sincerest sympathy for your loss and a big {{hug}} I am glad you will have your children around you and send them my condolences on the loss of their dear father. xx

Gally and all the grans who have sadly lost their partners just wanted to say how brave you are and how I feel for you, losing my daughter who is still alive is like living bereavment and there are some places I cannot go to as it hurts too much but it reminds me still have my darling husband and we must focus on that.

to the poor ladies coping with sad loss of partner.

Learnergran, - my thoughts are with you. You'll not be knowing which way to turn just now, but when you can find it within yourself to talk to us again, please come back and let us know how you are. Today will be a day of 'doing'. Your children will need you - but be kind to yourself and accept whatever help that may come your way. xx

Oh Learnergan I'm so sorry to hear your sad news. What a devastating time you've been having. Thank goodness your family are around you so you can support each other.

my heart goes out to you too Learnergran!! wish there was something I could say but please stay with gransnet they are a good bunch and we will all help and support you. thinking of you at this awful time in your life.

Dear Learnergran my heart goes out to you and your DC. You must all be in a state of shock. The only words at a time like this are the ones often spoken in Ireland - "I'm sorry for your trouble" - and I truly am.

Dear Learnergran it is such, such early days for you - you are in shock and nothing will seem real for a long time but take heart, you will get through the next weeks on adrenalin and with the help of your family; remember, they are grieving too and you will be a comfort to them. your story is so akin to mine, including the DD travelling from Australia, it breaks my heart to read your post.

*learnergran' I can't write how much I feel for you - just hope we can all support you when you are able to post

Learnergran - I am sure all gransnetters feel sincere sympathy. Pour out your heart as much as you like. It is good that your children have responded so quickly. You must be very much loved.

Learnergran. You are going through such a sad time. Perhaps you can say things to us - strangers, but friends - that it would be hard to say to your family at the moment. It is good that you have a devoted and supportive family. You will all be needing one another's support in the next few weeks. You have ours too. x x x

Dear learnergran my heart goes out to you

DS is here. He is only 22 and is overwhelmed but has been so good to me; I do not know if I would have coped without him. DD1 arrived from London last night; she had been in a job interview when it happened and rang to say how she had got on; when I told her what had happened she came straight here to North Wales. DD2 is on her way from Australia, having left her twin babies with her husband; she will arrive tomorrow. DH and I only moved here in Spring - in fact our new house, which we bought and have been having renovated for our retirement, will be ready in two or three weeks time - too late.
DH was diagnosed with cancer in June. Being a cyclist and very fit he had coped very well with surgery but then had had to have chemo as more cancer had been found in the lymph nodes. First cycle fine, started second cycle on Tuesday last week and this time started feeling tired and weak. Not too well on Monday, just tired really, but better yesterday morning - perfectly normal. Then just sort of collapsed. I called 999 and was talked through cpr but by the time the paramedics arrived ten minutes later it was too late.
I just can't believe this has happened. I'm sorry to go into detail like this but I cannot speak out loud without crying so this is such a help.