It's time to stop pandering

We have had a generation of parents who have lost sight of what a parents role is. A parents role is to prepare children for the adult world, in the same way any other animal does. However much play time and games a cat gives its kittens, the mother also teaches them to hunt and catch its prey and eat it, otherwise it starves to death.

We have had a generation of parents who initially just wanted their children to have a perfect childhood all love and treats and protection from anything that made them unhappy this evolved into gentle parenting where you never punish, never say no, always talk feelings through.

Children grow up thinking that the only thing that matters in the world is how they feel. When they leave home and employers and life generally make demands on them and expects them to adapt and adjust,they cannot cope.

I do not blame the children of this kind of parenting for the problems they have, but I do blame their parents.

Just like the cat, of course we protect our children when small, but we protect by preparing and training them for world they live in, not some ideal world that is not there.

I’ve read all this topic’s posts and I’ll say this - we’re now an enabling society sadly and, whilst I’m sure some kids may have genuine issues that need investigating, an awful lot will see an opportunity to sit at home doing nothing - and anyone who questions their actions will be accused of mental health cruelty. As others have commented, what exactly are we producing - a large proportion of society who can’t/won’t do ANYTHING they don’t want to do?! Parents need to parent and teachers need to be permitted to exert a certain level of authority imo

It’s rarely about bullying TheWeirdo

I was bullied badly- verbally, emotionally and physically- by teachers and pupils from when I started school at 5 to when I quit at 16, my birthday is 29 April, so I didn't bother waiting until September to leave with all the others, as soon as I turned 16, I quit there and then and never went back. I absolutely hated just about all the pupils and teachers and the system, which was extremely sexist and against girls' rights; this was only from 1970 to 1986.

I dreaded going to school and would often lie awake all night intentionally to make myself so exhausted and tired that I got through the day in a daze to block out as much abuse as I could: all the shouting at me from teachers and pupils, condescending and patronising comments. I was never popular, had no friends and was treated like filth. Always shoved to the back. Shouted at when I did something wrong, and shouted at and accused of cheating when I did something right. I was a nervous wreck, always. Could never do anything right.

BUT, in all the 11 years of hell, not once did I have any type of ''anxious'' thing - no people to help me through it, no creepy robots, nothing; I just had to get on with it, as countless other bully victims all over the country had to. We knew such things would happen in adult life too.

As a victim of systematic bullying, I totally get that some kids are soooo anxious and scared that they need some type of help; they need that help, but we all had to put up with it until all the new ways of thinking came about!

We have a fair bit of home schooling where I live. Not necessarily because of bullying but frequently for religious reasons. Some of these children would probably benefit from that. The children do meet with other home schoolers from time to time so isolation isn’t too much of an issue. I don’t remember a great deal of bullying from my school days but I do remember a kid up our road ( boy ) who bullied me so that I used to walk to school a long way round to avoid him. Never, ever told my Mum who would probably have ignored me . I remember a sick feeling in my stomach if I ever came across this kid who was a year older.

It saddens me to read the names some posters are calling these children and adolescents; snowflakes, spineless, lazy are just a few. If only this problem had a simple solution as so many have suggested, then problem solved. Unfortunately fear, anxiety, bullying, social anxiety and many other mental health conditions are very much debilitating with no easy one fix for all.
Combine this with hormone changes and for some their life has felt like it wasn’t worth living.
So with the judgemental attitudes being illustrated here, is it any wonder that many children find it difficult to turn to an adult for support, advice and reassurance.
How frightening life must appear to those experiencing this everyday. Share a little empathy, care and respect for these youngsters in the hope that we as older people will reap what we sow. Be kind

David49

Momac55

friendlygingercat

If I had refused to go to school a smart slap across the legs would soon have cured it. I can remember going with cardboard in the soles of my shoes because my mother could not afford new ones. No wonder today's kids are so weak and spineless that they are too scared to make a phone call.

Same , I remember plastic bags on my feet because my boots had holes in the soles

Plastic bags hadnt been invented back then we used old hessian potato sacks.

Hessian potato sacks, pure luxury! We had no shoes at all. There, beat that. 🤭

Well said

A great many unpleasant comments on this thread which doesn’t surprise me in the least.
I am going to add to the unpleasant comments by saying that some of these ‘grans’ should perhaps stick to talking about holidays, baking cakes and gardening. When you have worked with as many troubled young people (think child protection issues) and encountered as many desperately mentally unwell youngsters including my own daughter whose life at 37 has been ruined by her own troubled mind then you are qualified to give an opinion to speak in the subject.

Madwoman11

I can't believe people are calling kids who are being bullied "Weak and Spineless". Do you not listen to the news and see that because of the couldn't care less attitude some young people are committing suicide.
Have a word with yourself before you write such toxic remarks for goodness sake

100%

Susieq62

I have a very good friend who is a therapist working with all age groups and is very specialised in the field of working with young people who would like to be educated but fear school. I would love her to be able to comment on here as her values and experiences would enlighten many of us.
Having taught for 36 years I did see evidence to support the children who failed to attend due to psychological fears. Luckily we had CAMHS and good mentors due to funding. Please don’t judge parents, guardians over this issue, it is far more complex than we could imagine .

This!

I remember being shamed when a boy from my class Jan Kinaski saw me queing up outside a Jumble Sale .. I got most of my clothes from there , aged 12 ish ... he made my life a misery and Ive never forgotten him or having to turn up at school in worn pinaforms , upshot of this is now I love Jumble Sales and Charity Shops , I see the sense of darning and saving old clothes ...

David49

Momac55

friendlygingercat

If I had refused to go to school a smart slap across the legs would soon have cured it. I can remember going with cardboard in the soles of my shoes because my mother could not afford new ones. No wonder today's kids are so weak and spineless that they are too scared to make a phone call.

Same , I remember plastic bags on my feet because my boots had holes in the soles

Plastic bags hadnt been invented back then we used old hessian potato sacks.

Cue Monty Pythons sketch.
Or is it oneupmanship.

Elless totally agree with your comments! How on earth will these kids turn into well rounded functioning adults dealing with the trials and tribulations of the adult life?! None of us wanted to go to school there has always been bullying, bitchiness and the like but there was no option to not go. It’s about learning how to manoeuvre life’s difficulties from an early age.

Momac55

friendlygingercat

If I had refused to go to school a smart slap across the legs would soon have cured it. I can remember going with cardboard in the soles of my shoes because my mother could not afford new ones. No wonder today's kids are so weak and spineless that they are too scared to make a phone call.

Same , I remember plastic bags on my feet because my boots had holes in the soles

Plastic bags hadnt been invented back then we used old hessian potato sacks.

I have a very good friend who is a therapist working with all age groups and is very specialised in the field of working with young people who would like to be educated but fear school. I would love her to be able to comment on here as her values and experiences would enlighten many of us.
Having taught for 36 years I did see evidence to support the children who failed to attend due to psychological fears. Luckily we had CAMHS and good mentors due to funding. Please don’t judge parents, guardians over this issue, it is far more complex than we could imagine .

Applegran

Distressed children need to be cared for. Today's world is more challenging than the world many of us older ones grew up in. And maybe a school refuser has been bullied but not felt able to speak up - and there are other painful possibilities. I hope there are good resources and compassionate people who can help the children who cannot face school.

Oh fgs

friendlygingercat

If I had refused to go to school a smart slap across the legs would soon have cured it. I can remember going with cardboard in the soles of my shoes because my mother could not afford new ones. No wonder today's kids are so weak and spineless that they are too scared to make a phone call.

Same , I remember plastic bags on my feet because my boots had holes in the soles

Estrellita

friendlygingercat

If I had refused to go to school a smart slap across the legs would soon have cured it. I can remember going with cardboard in the soles of my shoes because my mother could not afford new ones. No wonder today's kids are so weak and spineless that they are too scared to make a phone call.

Not a very nice comment.

Yes, a good slap now and then and some painful old shoes will cure them.

friendlygingercat

If I had refused to go to school a smart slap across the legs would soon have cured it. I can remember going with cardboard in the soles of my shoes because my mother could not afford new ones. No wonder today's kids are so weak and spineless that they are too scared to make a phone call.

Not a very nice comment.

Distressed children need to be cared for. Today's world is more challenging than the world many of us older ones grew up in. And maybe a school refuser has been bullied but not felt able to speak up - and there are other painful possibilities. I hope there are good resources and compassionate people who can help the children who cannot face school.

Nanny27

My goodness there are some nasty and some sarcastic replies on here. When did Gransnet become so aggressive? Surely we have always been a forum where different views are respected.

Because it’s GN i held back on my remarks. It’s a subject that I have been very close to and won’t hold back defending children against ignorant assumptions.

Whatever next, we already have a snow flake generation this is just pandering at its worst. What happened to kids having resilience and determination and a back bone.

My goodness there are some nasty and some sarcastic replies on here. When did Gransnet become so aggressive? Surely we have always been a forum where different views are respected.

We saw the news reports about help for children, and the "mental elf" problems really are 'a thing'.

Just as well the people who had to go into WW1 and WW2 couldn't say "sorry, I'll go next week, once me mental elf councillor has been"??

I recall the big freeze, at the end of 1962 and extending to March 63, the country covered in snowdrifts, and hordes of kids (I was one) still going out every day like Shackleton's South Pole explorers. Nowadays the schools get closed if there's an icy puddle where the giant people carriers need to drop kids off?!!