My dad was a professional chef for forty years.
Not a hobby cook. Not someone who followed recipes on weekends. A professional. Someone who fed hundreds of people, who could taste a sauce and know in thirty seconds exactly what it needed, who understood food the way most people understand their own name.
Last week someone told him he should be eating more carefully at his age. Since when does being old prevent certain privilege
I looked at my dad and watched his face. That specific stillness that happens when someone who has spent a lifetime building something real is told that perhaps they need a little guidance now.
He just smiled. Said thank you. And said nothing else.
And I wanted to say everything he didn't. Because what I've known about my dad. He was getting up before anyone else was awake and doing things properly when the person giving him advice was still in school. He has forgotten more about feeding people well than most people giving him guidance have had the chance to learn yet.
He is not confused. He is not struggling. I've never seen him as a problem that needs solving by someone younger with better information.
He is someone who earned the right to be asked ā not advised. My siblings think am being dramatic.
I don't think the people who do this mean any harm. I genuinely don't.
But I wonder sometimes if you feel it. If you recognise that specific smile. The one that absorbs something rather than causes a scene. The one that has been practised so long it looks like patience but is actually something else entirely. I wonder what you figured out through sixty years of doing it for real ā that no amount of well meaning advice from anyone younger could have taught you and how you handle similar situations
NoraHayes
To Marg75
I'm not sure the way he dealt with it is best though. I understand why he did it. But I sometimes wonder if the quiet dignity of saying nothing is exactly what makes people think it's acceptable to keep doing it.
Yes, l agree. I don't like the, silent,, smiling, agreement, in control attitude to be honest. Old fashioned and a bit condescending.
Lets pretend everything is fine.
You are not allowec to cause a fuss or say what you really feel.
My Mum went into hospital and they bought her a bowl for false teeth, when she said I don't have false teeth they just said 'come on now, don't be shy' she doesn't have false teeth and I was quite angry as it was just assumed. Bad nursing.
A few years ago, I was in a pub with my dad when a young woman rushed passed him accidentally hitting him in the back. She carried on and like an idiot I raced after her and said "don't you do that, thats my dad" and she looked totally shocked and I realised I'd overreacted but I didn't care because my stomach was knotted up and if she had crossed me I would have scratched her eyes out. My darling daddy was in his 90's and nobody touches him.
Sweetheart you love, love love your darling daddy. Its perfectly normal for a lucky lady who got a good one.
See a solicitor. Sounds like you've been misled and this may be a team of scammers who'll sell the flat to themselves very much below it's actual value, particularly if they don't clean and tidy and leave a bit of furniture to help it looks it's best. To me, too many red flags
I just feel it's better to respond if the topic is interesting rather than (possibly) pick someone apart and upset them.
I don't mind "wasting time" even if that is on AI. Obviously I wouldn't bother if I knew for certain that it was AI.
Otherwise
1. It may well help someone else
2. I am on Gransnet anyway so obviously just wasting time in the first place! 
My guess is that it's almost certainly AI, but that doesn't necessarily mean we are being taken for fools. Before there is a pile on, it's worth considering that there is a chance that the OP wanted to write a post on the subject but wasn't confident enough to do it herself, so ran hers through AI to help her.
As I've said, I don't respond to her posts, as they do seem to follow the AI pattern:
Balanced phrases - not A, not B, but C.
The 'rule of three' - He did A, then B, then (punchline) C.
Questions phrased as information that leads the reader towards the 'correct' response- did you ever do A, which made you feel B, and it resulted in C? I wonder if you felt D?
There's more, but it is that sort of thing that flags AI writing. People do use it to 'cheat', but also to help with Dyslexia and to correct poor grammar etc. Given the readiness with which posts are often picked apart on here when someone posts in less than perfect English, I could understand someone using AI to help, and in my work experience those who really want to cheat will edit AI-speak to eradicate such obvious tells, but this post seems hot off the press. I wouldn't want the OP to feel she can't post again if the above is the case, and she will probably reinvent herself if it's all been a scam.
Too bad if we are being taken for fools and somebody is using AI.
It could be a very interesting topic.
Yes it's AI. I hate this!
Plevey08
Why are you going on about AI?
Because it reads very much in the way AI would write it
Why is everyone calling the helper ā heā I must have missed that bit
Of course you should have said something, why not?
My friend is in a care home she is often called by a shortened form of her name by the staff, which I know she has always hated. She can no longer speak for herself after suffering a stroke (which she shouldnāt have been saved from, but thatās another story) So when they called her xxxx in front of me I politely told them she would hate being called that please could they use her proper name How else would they know ?
Your dad was very dignified in his reply. I would not. I am a classically train chef but never used chef as I thought it pompous I preferred cook. But that's me.
Due to my disability getting worse since 1988. I have always been brought up on healthy but cheap cuts of meat etc plenty of veg and pulses. We always had a put.
If that person saw have I have to eat they would have fainted. My hands shake all the time due to a rare hereditary neurological condition. And eat with a spoon abd fork. If something needs cutting when I eat out I ask for it to be cut up in the kitchen. I need plenty of napkins to cover my clothes. And can take 2 attempts to get food in my mouth then I put my hand or napkin in front of my mouth as food can fall and I don't know when it going to happen. I sometimes miss my mouth all together hence the napkins.
Would that person say anything to me ???.
I look able bodied until I move . At home I use a tea towel covered with kitchen roll. I have to eat foods there are soft as I can choke even on water or my own saliva.
I moved to the north west nearly 7 years ago and been on holiday by myself in the right across the north and Wales never had anything but help. I treat people how I want to be treated.
What thst person said to your dad was so out of line I feel angry for your dad. He would eat a more balanced diet and like me cooks from scratch. Bet your dads food is amazing .
Don't think it's AI.
Something has set this passionate outpouring off.
I agree, the best at their job will recognise the signs 'you're patronising me here' and redeem themselves by asking if the advisee has expert knowledge themselves.
But most won't , & it was always thus.
petra
ViceVersa
Why do these posts always read like AI wrote them?
Long AI posts usually have paragraph spacing.
Also the OP has posted before.
And those posts read the same way...
ViceVersa
Why do these posts always read like AI wrote them?
Long AI posts usually have paragraph spacing.
Also the OP has posted before.
Just a thought re AI. Doesnāt it usually have US spelling? I can see one word that would be spelt differently in that case.
Oh right. Thanks for that Viceversa. š¤£
Yes but ..... Being a chef, no matter how good, and eating carefully are not mutually exclusive.
We regularly read about famous and very rotund chefs having health scares and changing their eating habits. Anthony Worra;; Thompson and the Hairy bikers spring to mind.
So, it is quite possible this brilliant chef is eating a very unhealthy diet.
ViceVersa
Why do these posts always read like AI wrote them?
I can hazard a guess š.
I can understand someone asking AI to read over a post to make sure the grammar etc is ok, as there is an above average number of pedants on here, but I don't bother to reply to posts that are clearly AI generated throughout.
Plevey08
Why are you going on about AI?
Because the OP reads as if it has been written by AI, and this isn't the first time either.
Why are you going on about AI?
It is very much the type of wording that AI uses
OP, you donāt say who the āsomeoneā was. And did s/he suggest your Dad eat āmoreā carefully, in which case that could be seen as a criticism of how he eats, or was it just ācarefullyā which could be seen as sensible advice? I would take offence at the former but not the latter
Sorry posted too soon
Because they probably are AI
Because they probably are
I am constantly getting advice from my DDs about a better diet, more supplements, and how to cut down on sugars and salt.
They know I get a bit cheesed off with it so generally they start a sentence
with āthis comes from a place of loveā¦..ā
Tbh our diet is ultra healthy compared to most people we know but my DDs are vegetarians and cover everything with grains so hey ho.
The younger generation like to think they invented everything.
I'm not sure of the context either. The young bloke gave a reminder about chewing food or the amount going into his mouth? That is generally good advice as we age as our swallowing muscles sure don't work as well as they do. I notice it myself so wouldn't mind someone saying that to me.
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