Yes, Grammaretto - Everyday Ageism is a good place.
It certainly applied to my mother-in-law's interaction with various people until they knew her.
getting to the point of "no return"
Gransnet forums
AIBU
My dad spent 40 years mastering his craft, and last week someone half his age told him how to eat.đ
(91 Posts)My dad was a professional chef for forty years.
Not a hobby cook. Not someone who followed recipes on weekends. A professional. Someone who fed hundreds of people, who could taste a sauce and know in thirty seconds exactly what it needed, who understood food the way most people understand their own name.
Last week someone told him he should be eating more carefully at his age. Since when does being old prevent certain privilege
I looked at my dad and watched his face. That specific stillness that happens when someone who has spent a lifetime building something real is told that perhaps they need a little guidance now.
He just smiled. Said thank you. And said nothing else.
And I wanted to say everything he didn't. Because what I've known about my dad. He was getting up before anyone else was awake and doing things properly when the person giving him advice was still in school. He has forgotten more about feeding people well than most people giving him guidance have had the chance to learn yet.
He is not confused. He is not struggling. I've never seen him as a problem that needs solving by someone younger with better information.
He is someone who earned the right to be asked â not advised. My siblings think am being dramatic.
I don't think the people who do this mean any harm. I genuinely don't.
But I wonder sometimes if you feel it. If you recognise that specific smile. The one that absorbs something rather than causes a scene. The one that has been practised so long it looks like patience but is actually something else entirely. I wonder what you figured out through sixty years of doing it for real â that no amount of well meaning advice from anyone younger could have taught you and how you handle similar situations
Grammaretto
Where is the OP?
If she is so intent on sticking up for her dad why isn't she on here defending herself against to assumptions that she uses AI?
What's wrong with using AI?
I feel her post was on the wrong thread. It should be on ^Everyday Ageism^
When posts appear to have been written by AI, I always suspect that there may be an ulterior motive, and the responses are being used elsewhere.
Where is the OP?
If she is so intent on sticking up for her dad why isn't she on here defending herself against to assumptions that she uses AI?
What's wrong with using AI?
I feel her post was on the wrong thread. It should be on Everyday Ageism
Silvertwigs
Exactly. Even if it serves as âgetting it off your chestâ! Look on it as feed back for the gobshite for them to learn, grow and develop.
I don't understand this?
Who do you mean please?
What are you referring to?
Mountains and molehills spring to mind
ViceVersa
Why do these posts always read like AI wrote them?
I suspect it is because AI wrote it. UTube has several real people talking about the rule of three, itâs not this itâs that etc.
No advice but I do feel your pain
This is the first GN post that I have noticed that appears to be AI generated. I comment out of interest rather than in criticism. At the moment AI has very characteristic mannerisms in use of language, grammar etc and once one is familiar with these features, can irritate. The use of AI does not mean that the situation described is not real or doesnât deserve comment. However, it does have a dampening, deadening effect.
Proverb
Tell me what you claim and I'll tell you what you lack.
People who go round telling you what they are good at are also trying to convince themselves. People who really do know what they are doing don't need to boast about it.
In your father's position I would simply not have been bothered to embarrass the person by telling them my background. IMHO I don't think the incident will have bothered him.
Exactly. Even if it serves as âgetting it off your chestâ! Look on it as feed back for the gobshite for them to learn, grow and develop.
mrsfeather
Yes it's AI. I hate this!
How do you know?
ViceVersa
Why do these posts always read like AI wrote them?
I was thinking the OP sounded very eloquent and that the post was very calm and well thought out.
NoraHayes
To Marg75
I'm not sure the way he dealt with it is best though. I understand why he did it. But I sometimes wonder if the quiet dignity of saying nothing is exactly what makes people think it's acceptable to keep doing it.
Exactly - bloody cheek saying that to your Dad - I would feel as you do x
Being a chef is a talent. For sure. But that talent is creating the best, tasty dishes. It doesnât automatically mean you are a nutritionist.
*every not very
Doodledog
My guess is that it's almost certainly AI, but that doesn't necessarily mean we are being taken for fools. Before there is a pile on, it's worth considering that there is a chance that the OP wanted to write a post on the subject but wasn't confident enough to do it herself, so ran hers through AI to help her.
As I've said, I don't respond to her posts, as they do seem to follow the AI pattern:
Balanced phrases - not A, not B, but C.
The 'rule of three' - He did A, then B, then (punchline) C.
Questions phrased as information that leads the reader towards the 'correct' response- did you ever do A, which made you feel B, and it resulted in C? I wonder if you felt D?
There's more, but it is that sort of thing that flags AI writing. People do use it to 'cheat', but also to help with Dyslexia and to correct poor grammar etc. Given the readiness with which posts are often picked apart on here when someone posts in less than perfect English, I could understand someone using AI to help, and in my work experience those who really want to cheat will edit AI-speak to eradicate such obvious tells, but this post seems hot off the press. I wouldn't want the OP to feel she can't post again if the above is the case, and she will probably reinvent herself if it's all been a scam.
AI is used now on every day life, by many people.
Itâs often used to âamendâ âcorrectâ and âjazz upâ statements, reports, even job applications, all quite legally.
Just because many of us donât use AI on a regular basis, doesnât mean others donât.
There are many versions of apps etc online which allow us to freely use AI in very language format, we would choose a UK English version.
NoraHayes
To Marg75
I'm not sure the way he dealt with it is best though. I understand why he did it. But I sometimes wonder if the quiet dignity of saying nothing is exactly what makes people think it's acceptable to keep doing it.
Think your Dad did exactly the right thing and handled this very well.
Those who live and know him will realise how silly the whole thing is.
Sago
This is not AI.
Nora Hayes is a fairly regular contributor.
Whose posts all read as if they are written by AI. I stand by what I said.
U 100% understand your anger at the person who gave, possibly well meaning advice to a gentleman without taking the trouble to learn a little about him.
I felt a bit the same when my elderly mum, a retired doctor had to lie in a hospital bed while a young health care assistant explained to her (slowly and loudly) every simple procedure.
Was it a medical professional discussing your father's health with him? I could understand them giving him advice and suggestions.
The yoofs know everything dontcha know?
This is not AI.
Nora Hayes is a fairly regular contributor.
Their advice was meant in a kindly way, no doubt. Try to dstance yourself from the staff caring for your father. They do not know, and cannot possibly comprehend his life, nor his experience, so try to let it go. When my mother was in a carehome, I had to let go of my role as carer, but regularly stepped up when required, with knowledge, but chiefly only when asked. Un asked for advice seemed to fall on deaf ears. The power dynamic was theirs as soon as my mother went onto the care home, which my mother called "home".
I understand your concerns . I have spent most of my life as a mum and grandmother feeding and teaching them how to cook basic meals . My husband was diagnosed with mnd and for a while to start with nutrionists would often feel the need to give me a plan of what he needs to eat - basic meals etc without assessing that I am a 73 y experienced feeder of people . They are well meaning and itâs their job but I feel a more two way conversation would help in a stressful situation.
You do not say that your father is in a care home, although to me the scenario you describe suggests this.
I agree with those who say that your father should not just have smiled and let the remark go, but should have told the person who made the comment that he was a professional chef.
However, if the young person giving the advice was actually qualified to do so, a nutrional expert or a doctor, then perhaps you need to take into account that theories in all professions change as time passes, and the nutrional theories prevalent in your father's working life may no longer prevail.
If we want not to be spoken to as if we were incapable of looking after ourselves because we have reached our present age, then we do need take young advisors up on their words, whether they were well-meant or rudely expresses.
Otherwise we will be reduced to the status of children under Nanny's care,
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