One sided hospitality - AIBU?

I definitely wouldn't host friends with toddlers. I have a nice home and I like to keep it that way. Mother & toddler group for me every time.

I just wondered how the lunch play dates started in the first place. Was it your suggestion? I am invariably plain spoken and when the date of the next play date is raised between you, that is the point when I would step in and suggest someone else had a turn or say "perhaps we could take it in turns. "

Does anyone actually like hosting? It’s hard work and stressful, but I think we should all take our turn in doing it.

As a mature student many years ago, I met with three other mature students each week to study and socialise together. Three of us took turns to host in our homes. Lunch was always exactly the same in each house, supermarket bought, French bread, pate, cheese and mackerel pate. Easy and reasonable. The fourth in the group never invited us to her house. Clearly it was something she ‘didn’t do’. We liked her and just accepted that fact and continued enjoying our study days together until the end of our courses when we went our separate ways. Because you do it doesn’t necessarily mean others want to.

Ps, I’m not suggesting you should continue of course, with two people enjoying your hospitality plus the little ones with no reciprocity. I wouldn’t blame you for making alternative arrangements.

You may well feel they are better off and have bigger houses but do you know all that goes on behind closed doors. There may well be some kind of barrier to others and children being invited in.
Just meet up at othe play centres and enjoy

MirandaIV

Does anyone actually like hosting? It’s hard work and stressful, but I think we should all take our turn in doing it.

100% right! Loved it in the past. Prefer to meet outside for a meal these days, or a walk!

To be honest, if I were the original host and wanted more such luches but expected the task to be shared, I would have voiced the idea of taking turns before a second get-together was arranged.

The people invited might, as suggested above, have any number of reasons for not wanting, or being able, to reciprocate in the future.

If you are only happy to host if it is reciprocated or at least shared (which is not unreasonable), I would leave the ball in their court now. If neither raises the topic, you know how things stand. It doesn't mean they don't like you, just that they don't feel up to hosting.

It's true we don't know what goes on in other people's houses. I used to have a friend at work who had a very abusive husband. I didn't know that at first. I often gave her a lift home from work as it was on my way and thought it weird that she never invited me in for a coffee, even when we'd had a lot of laughs on the way home. I probably wouldn't have gone anyway but it seemed a bit odd.

I later found out that her husband was very controlling and often hit her and didn't like her having her own friends and didn't like her bringing people home that he didn't know.

How about saying you really need to get out of the house more so shall we take it in turns to host? Would either of you like to do that? Or perhaps say lets have a picnic in the park and all bring something to share if they don't want to host. Worth trying

Agree with SpinDriftCostal

Like others have said, I wouldn't host again, but would just meet up at parks or soft play, kid friendly cafe etc.You never know, you may get an invitation, they perhaps just assume you love doing it and always will !

SpinDriftCoastal

There are always those who entertain and enjoy it those who let the others do it. Can you not arrange to meet at some general child centred location where all three of you meet together? Perhaps one of them may step up when they see that you aren't inviting anymore. Let the children play together. It is good for them to mix with other children, and, in a way under 'granny time'. In a couple of years the whole dynamic will change and you may stay 'friends' with the other grannies when the children start school. It is all a passing phase so just work with it. Your grandchildren will remember the happy times and, at the end of the day, it is their time.

Agree 100%

As others have said there may be many good reasons why your friends aren’t able to offer. They may have pets and be being careful of other children around them, they may have a partner at home who can’t cope with guests, maybe even their own very elderly parents or grown up disabled children. Making new friends is something to be celebrated, perhaps in time if you grow closer they will explain their reluctance.

Don't host them again. they are Users and on a good thing and they know it.

Unfortunately, there a lot of these type of people. Beware!

You are a good caring, decent person. Don't entertain people like them.

😻
x

I was one of a group of four old school friends who met up again through our children. Three of us opened our house for a monthly afternoon tea each bring a contribution and the occasional lunch. One was always having some work done or it wasn’t convenient so it ended up the same three always hosting the tea.
Gradually we split up, age and unfortunately death until there was just me and the inhospitable one. I asked why she still didn’t invite me and she told me her husband wanted to sit and watch the television all day and as they only had one set and one living room he refused to allow anyone to intrude.

She was very upset and embarrassed and I felt so sorry for her so we arranged a monthly visit to my house and sadly that has ended now as both of us have health problems.

It’s true you never know what goes on behind peoples closed doors

Not everybody wants to host a lunch with toddlers!

Our houses are not normally childproof and whilst you can supervise your own grandchild closely when there is just the two of you, three or more is a recipe for an amount of chaos.

Why not just keep the friendships going outside or at play centres over the summer and see how things go? No reason to host every time, including a lunch, when you feel resentful.

I am sure there is a good reason for this. My husband doesn't feel comfortable with people coming to the house.

petra

I’ve had a friend of many years. We go out to lunch, see a show etc, but I’ve never been in her house. She has been to mine many times.
I just accept that she has her reasons.

Yes indeed. There are very good reasons why we don't all enjoy having others come to our homes.

knspol

I actually hate hosting anything now I'm on my own and get dreadfully anxious when I have to do so. Clean the house, decide what to provide for food/snacks, what will people like, can't bake so will have to be shop bought, will I get clumsy and drop something as happened previously, I just find it dreadfully stressful. I would much rather met up in a cafe or restaurant and pay the bill for everyone.

I agree.

I couldn't imagine anything worse than having tots or toddlers inside my house! Too many breakable things and light carpets. Could that be their reason?
That said - I regularly host adults for various things (though I dread red wine drinkers and their regular spillages!)