Husband wants us to go to live in Portugal

When I met my husband he told me that when he retired he wanted to live in Spain,I told him then that I wasn't the woman for him,I had children and grandchildren and I suffer from prickly heat so no way was I going to live permanently covered in calamine lotion ! We're still together having moved to the east coast, family visit regularly and would you believe it my prickly heat isn't that bad when the sun shines 😉 On the serious side you have to make your feelings known and as others have said he'll still be him

Do either he or you have an Irish passport?
If so , great, you’re good to go . If you have a British one, you’re subject to the 90 days rule . Unless you get residency which is expensive.
Ideally you need to spend some time over there exploring the areas you want to move to. And when you find somewhere, rent first before buying .
Never plow all your money into a property overseas . Buy a smaller property in the uk or wherever you live . I know a number of retirees who’ve wanted to move back if one of them is seriously ill or has died .
OP you obviously don’t want to move , but could you rent for 3-4 months . Your AC could come out to visit , also friends.
A friend of mine has spent 3 months in Spain during the winter, to get a feel for the area she likes . This is with a view to moving there.

As a compromise, I would be happy go out there for four or five weeks at a time.

Nice compromise, for a few holidays.

My brother had a holiday home in Portugal. Unfortunately, my brother passed away . It was a nightmare for my s.I.l. - the red tape she had to deal with 😫

butterandjam

In your shoes I'd buy a single one-way ticket and send DH ahead, as an advance party, to research and report back on the cost of renting, health care, language lessons. public transport etc in Portugal.

"Take your time, dear....."

brilliant - the vanguard - not subtle, still brilliant

What ever you do.. Don't sell up..yet.
If you do go Rent for a while. It's not all milk and honey especially as you get older.
I have a few chums and a Cousin, who have homes in Belgium, France and Spain. Every one has an issue. The French chum, was sadly Widowed she struggling to sell her home to come back to the UK, she has right to remain in France but it's so expensive to stay on her own. Selling it is also costing eyewatering amounts due to death duties in France. She's already reduced the house by almost half, to try and shift it.
My other chum has a house in Belgium they have right to remain too, however they kept one in the UK. They are constantly going over but she would rather be here, so she let's her DH go over on his own then she turns up after he's been there a few weeks.
My Cousin, had a villa built in Spain they now only go over in the Summer. As they still run a business here so it's just for a max of 3 months per year.. She told me recently they are going to try and sell it, her Daughter are not interested, she's also not that well now with a Lung issue, as she's concerned about her health , she said it's not worth keeping it.
They are all in their early 70's, they have all had these properties for years and the novelty is wearing off.

Allira, we had friends like that. Moved to Spain ‘for good’ but after several years serious health problems brought them back to the U.K. Property prices in their former area, where their adult children were, had soared, and it took a couple of years for their Spanish to sell - for only about what they’d originally paid for it.
If not for the death of a parent, and inheriting her house, they’d have been in trouble - rents of anywhere passable also having shot up.

To anyone contemplating such a move, I’d say FGS keep a bolthole in the U.K. - just in case!

tell him no

👏👏👏 Good ploy.

In your shoes I'd buy a single one-way ticket and send DH ahead, as an advance party, to research and report back on the cost of renting, health care, language lessons. public transport etc in Portugal.

"Take your time, dear....."

If he is not sufficiently motivated to make any arrangements regarding a move or to find out about any interesting groups he could join or hobbies he could take up here in the UK, that is not going to change if he moves to Portugal.

Does he speak Portuguese?

You have no reason to move to Portugal. You are happy where you are and you have family around you - a lovely situation to be in with retirement coming up. Make this clear to him.

It sounds as though he would not get himself sufficiently motivated to do the proper research. Tell him you do not have any wish to do this then give him a very detailed list of what you would need to know and say you will discuss it with him when he has gleaned all that information in full detail: housing in Portugal to rent, house valuation in UK, tax situation, benefits situation, health insurance and entitlements, language classes, all forms that need to be filled in, pensions, local taxes, visas etc. etc.

My bet is he will fall at this first hurdle .... do NOT take pity on him and do any of it yourself or help with it in any way!! Just carry on with your normal life.

My late OH wanted to go and live in France at one time shortly before we retired and we did look into it in detail. We both loved the country and visited frequently. We both spoke French sufficiently (I did A level and his parents were translators so he grew up steeped in languages) and I am sure we would have picked it up quickly.

But in the end after a great deal of research I had to say to him that I did not wish to do this. There were many factors that swayed me, including the presence of children and GC and likely more to come; also I had lots of musical and photography contacts (slowly built up ever many years) that brought me in freelance work which I enjoyed; I had friends and singing contacts, running a choir, which I would miss etc. etc. But there was also something less tangible - I felt that I would always feel a foreigner and never fully fit in with the subtleties of the mores and humour of another culture - I like being English and part of this culture. I also knew that the first flush of excitement for the children and GC to come for holidays with us would wear off.

My OH was both furious and heartbroken, but I also think there was a tiny bit of him that was relieved too. I knew that some of his wish to move was about his depression and he would have taken this with him I knew, but he could not see this. It was a cross he had to bear that would not go away with a geographical move. He thought it would be a magic wand cure, but I knew it would not.

How glad I am that we did not move - just a very few years later his Parkinsons Disease (which I am sure his depression was a symptom of) was diagnosed and I would have been lost without the love and support of family and close friends during his slow decline and death.

And that is another thing you need to consider. Not wishing to sound like the voice of doom, but you are both getting to late middle age and some of the next phase of your life will be characterised by physical decline - you might want to negotiate that with those you love around you.

Stand your ground.

It’s not going to work, is it? You would be resentful and bored and I suspect that your DH would soon become bored and possibly start to vegetate if he has no interests other than that one hobby that gets him out of the house for a day here - is it a hobby he could easily do in Portugal - would language be a possible barrier?

As OP’s say, and you realise yourself, there’s a lot more involved when moving to another country to live than to just visit for a holiday : will your combined pensions and the sale from your house be enough to satisfy the requirements of the country your DH wishes to go to, and will it be enough to live on and cover all the necessary costs of being a resident there (tax, insurance, health bills, food, rental accommodation, hobbies, etc).

You need to make a list of all the pros and all the cons, then sit down with your DH and explain your reservations and think carefully through all the practicalities

If neither of you are fluent in Portuguese, then dealing with all the legal necessities to move there permanently are going to be difficult. Yes, there are interpreters, but it will cost you.

Would he be happy living there on his own, because my feeling from your post is that you don’t want to go and so won’t go, especially as it would be down to you to deal with all the practicalities.

Stick to your guns and refuse to go.

Has your husband given any thought to buying a car in Portugal or driving your own car to Portugal.
Be aware that if you take your own car it has to be imported.
You will need to employ a customs agent to arrange this.
Once again, not cheap and you will probably prefer to stick pins in your eyes.
I know, I’ve done it.

Just don’t go! Tell him firmly that you want to stay in the UK.Don’t give him reason to think you’re going to change your mind.

The grass is not always greener (although it could well be if it indeed it rains a lot).

We knew a retired couple who had downsized, invested in their son's business which failed then decided to move to Spain because the property was cheaper and they thought the lifestyle would be better.
After a few years when they became older and less fit, they wanted to come back but could not afford to find anywhere to live here at a price they could afford.

He seems very unsettled since he retired
So was my DH, but after a while after I'd had enough I encouraged him to join various groups which he did. He took to them with great enthusiasm, joined committees and he was always out.
We did join the NT and visited a lot of places together.

Why not rent a place for a few weeks in spring or autumn - not too hot for you, this means you can try different locales every time and is a sensible thing to do if thinking of moving there. A few weeks in winter would also be required. And perhaps then your DH might not see the point in moving there but be happy with just renting for a couple of months each year. The dream is nearly always far removed from the reality.

MartavTaurus

I'd pack up my worries and go with him, but that's me. You need to do what's right for you. Seriously, with my sebsible hat on, I would think very carefully about the financial implications first and foremost. In my experience, you need to almost double the amount you think you'll need.

We have lived abroad in the past because of my DH's job. We were much younger then. He was on a good salary and everything was arranged for us.

If I was twenty years younger and didn't have family I might consider it.

I feel like we are too old to uproot ourselves now.

Allira said - ^'If he's keen he will have investigated but it seems he would leave any actual investigations and paperwork to you.

He's got his head in the clouds and being totally unrealistic^

This has hit the nail on the head. He has always had his head in the clouds and I have always been the practical one

If he leaves all the administration to you, just do not bother to do it.

Insist of keeping a property in the UK in case anything drastic happens when in Portugal and you have to return to the UK. sell your house here and you will only be able to afford to rent if you return.

You need to learn the language. Would your DH do that?

I would just sit stumm, say nothing committing, do not begin to take any action that might facilitate a move. If he can be lazy and dilatory, so can you.

Thank you.

He seems very unsettled since he retired. His days seem without purpose. He says he hates gardening and doesn't really do DIY. He is not a reader and has one hobby which takes him out for the day.

I have said that if he does move, he will still be him - if you see what I mean.

I don't think I could take the stress of moving and all the complications.

I would be up for five or six week visits though. As a poster said, the weather isn't always that great in Portugal. We went one year and it rained all week.

I'd pack up my worries and go with him, but that's me. You need to do what's right for you. Seriously, with my sebsible hat on, I would think very carefully about the financial implications first and foremost. In my experience, you need to almost double the amount you think you'll need.

I met a couple who had a flat in the same building as DS. She lived there most of the time, had friends in the same building and a busy social life. He lived in Spain most of the time but she clearly didn't want to.

She went to spend time with him in Spain for holidays etc; he lived in the flat in England with her for holidays, especially at Christmas.

Presumably they'd downsized to afford two smallish places to live, but it worked for them.

PinkCosmos
You might find this article interesting and informative.

www.google.com/search?q=can+a+uk+citizen+move+to+and+live+in+portugal&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en-gb&client=safari
You say you don’t have a good pension or substantial savings. These are crucial to getting your visa.
Don’t think that this will be automatic. It only needs one jobsworth to deny your entry.
You will have to employ a legal translator to buy your property.
They don’t come cheap.
Don’t believe the sun shines all the year round, it’s not the Costa del sol. You will be facing the cold Atlantic Ocean.
I know this as we have spend many winters in our motohome in Portugal.

Does he know why?

If he's keen he will have investigated but it seems he would leave any actual investigations and paperwork to you.

He's got his head in the clouds and being totally unrealistic. I'd tell him very firmly that, if he wishes to go, he is welcome and you will visit him for a couple of weeks or so at a time but that you are staying put.

One consideration - is the house in joint names? Any chance of selling and splitting the proceeds between a smaller place for you here (he can visit you) and a flat in Portugal for him?

I’m sure most people have enjoyed an overseas holiday and thought how nice it would be to live in that country. But the occasional two week holiday is very far removed from emigrating somewhere especially if you do not speak the language and don’t want to confine yourself to a community of other English speakers.

Why does he want to leave the UK and why Portugal? There are many countries where one can walk, sit on a balcony and dine out. In fact, one can do that in the UK. Maybe you just need a change of scenery within the UK.