AIBU to consider writing them out of my will.

This situation really isn't any of your business. FTB unfortunately needs to learn that getting on the property ladder is hard and nobody is obliged to do you any favours, no matter how they are related. Unless you have your own direct issue with relative, stay out of it and stop making judgements based on situations that you are not involved in.

but they had made a deal, and he reneged on it; that is shabby behaviour.
he should have tested the market before offering it to FTB.
i wouldn't want to leave him any money either, esp as he is already wealthy,

I feel sorry for the FTB, but it is not uncommon for disappointments when buying a house. My son has just lost out on a house he wanted because he couldn't move as quickly as another buyer, for instance.

Agreeing to sell a house at £valuation minus fees is very different from agreeing to sell at £valuation minus offer significantly above the asking price, too. In the first example the loss isn't real, as it would have gone to the estate agent anyway. The second is a real financial loss, and we can't possibly know whether that is affordable for the seller, who is only in their 40s. We don't know what plans were there for the money, or what other factors are in play.

I agree that it is not your business, OP, unless there is a lot more to this than you are telling us.

Shabby behaviour from the vendor.

It is, on the surface, but there’s not enough detail to judge, IMO.

Opening poster is faffing around the edges of saying who these people are but seems pretty obvious to me that this is her son and the younger person is probably his partner’s child by a previous relationship (or maybe it’s all one generation removed depending on how old OP is).

She gave her (say) son a leg up when he was starting out but he doesn’t have the same generous spirit. Nor does he honour agreements.

That’s the disappointment here - that’s she raised someone who does this.

There’s no law that says one has to leave anything to family and the older man clearly doesn’t need it.

Obvious immediate solution is to give something to the younger person now to help them get a start, either some capital or a regular allowance and, in the longer term, consider where her own estate might be left to do most good.

The OP isn’t related to the FTB though - why would she give money to them?

OP knows so much about what is going on that, as I said, I suspect this is her son’s stepchild.

If that is the case, would a grandparent not help a step-grandchild? Would a parent not help a child from their partner’s previous relationship?

All conjecture but this situation must be common in blended families.

If the vendor is her son, I think the OP should not alter her will. It’s not about the money - it’s about what the act of disinheritance means. It is a rejection that is likely to hurt long after the OP is unable to make it better. Of course people can choose to leave their money to whomever they want, but for a mother to disinherit because of one act of which they don’t approve (and there could be more to it than she knows, too) seems to me controlling and unkind.

I agree that letting someone down as the FTB has been is also unkind, but two lots of unkindness don’t cancel one another out. If there is enough money in the mother’s account to put the FTB back in the running then why not give it to him now, and keep her son in her will so she is not resented after her death? Anything else seems like revenge from beyond the grave.

Some blended families are not very close.

I’m totally confused by FTB. What does it mean?

first time buyer

Thanks Jane. I guess I should have known that 😂

I dont care for people who go back on their word.

I would help the FTB onto the property ladder. Then attach a codicil to my will leaving the rich seller a token item and explaining why.

Germanshepherdsmum

Those properties might, of course, be mortgaged to the hilt to maintain the lifestyle you describe. It’s possible they could not afford to sell for less than market value- only they know their true financial situation. Appearances can be deceptive. If this relative really doesn’t need your money why not leave it to charity?

well if this was the case, they were cruel to dangle the carrot of a reasonably priced home to their FTB relative in the first place. How disappointed the young people must be.

They will be very disappointed. It's never wise to make promises that haven't been finalised. All the same, we don't know the sums involved, or the amount the vendor has to lose.

It's a luxury to be able to say that the money isn't relevant, particularly when the vendor is only in their 40s. How many people can afford to lose what is probably tens of thousands of pounds? Maybe when we are older and can see no use for money that is sitting in the bank, but most people are still building their lives in their 40s.

Yes but OP said the reneging seller is:

wealthy, high income, £1.3m house, privately educated children plus many investment properties, several holidays a year type ...

Of course, it could all be done on credit but he did make a promise to the younger person based on a recent valuation and, having made that promise, he chose to speculate. That's gazumping.

It's shoddy behaviour, certainly, but I can't imagine disinheriting my children because I don't approve of something they've done. It feels too much like coercion to sit well with me.

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Disagree. They should have ‘tested the water’ BEFORE they got the young people’s hopes up.

Also the poster said that they were selling ONE of their properties. They were obviously happy with the original price agreed.

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Your family member is obviously already reasonably well off and so doesn’t need to inherit from you. Nor should you feel obliged to leave them anything.

It was very unkind of them not to ‘test the market’ BEFORE they raised the hopes, and then squashed the dreams, of the first-time buyers.

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There’s nothing to indicate that the young buyer is even known to the poster.

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I don't think anyone is saying that what they did was ok. The OP's question is whether she would be unreasonable to disinherit the vendor because of the incident, not what the vendor should have done.

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I agree with all you say (and continue to be angry that this website doesn’t offer a thumbs-up and thumbs-down choice after postings)

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welbeck

but they had made a deal, and he reneged on it; that is shabby behaviour.
he should have tested the market before offering it to FTB.
i wouldn't want to leave him any money either, esp as he is already wealthy,

This sums it up in a nutshell. The vendor is already wealthy and he very unkindly led a young person along thinking they were getting a footing on the housing ladder. He wasn't intending to sell to the FTB at far below market value so there isn't much to redeem him really. Especially if he himself benefitted from a similar arrangement when young and now owns several properties.

HowNowBrownCow

The seller, that you originally helped, have they paid you back or at least offered to?

The FTB, you could help them get a foot on the ladder.

It's your money so therefore your choice. But if the seller is that well off then surely they wouldn't need your money.
And they could have helped FTB, even if not by selling that house to them!