To say eldest GD needs to grow up?

Have you thought of saying nothing at all?

She is 38, has chronic health issues which will impact on her earnings and the chance to meet someone.

Of course the poor girl feels left out, wouldn’t you?

Your youngest GD is very fortunate that she can afford to move out, with the help of her boyfriend.

But as Pantglas says it isn’t your place to say anything, but you might be kinder to your eldest GD.

I am sorry but she is obviously feeling upset by this , perhaps a little empathy might help, tell her you appreciate how she is feeling but it won't be for ever and then everyone can perhaps can give her some help to get her own place even if it rented if that is what she wants. I know it none of my business but how does someone who earns 9k end up with 80k in savings?

I can understand why your GD is feeling left out and being told to go out and find a partner is just unkind.

Exactly AGAA4

Finding a man is not the answer to every woman's dreams OP. That's positively Victorian, if not even Regency, and telling her to grow up is truly spiteful.

You say the eldest has contributed financially and does all the cooking but you qualify this by stating twice "it was her choice". This sounds very dismissive, almost as though her help has been derided.

Conversely the youngest has contributed (it would seem) nothing and managed to save a staggering 80k as a result. She also only works part time with no dependents and at the age of only 31. Why?

On the face of it I'm afraid it sounds as though the eldest is seen as an inconvenience by the family and the youngest is the golden girl. No wonder your poor GD feels alienated and probably unloved.

I would tread very carefully with this.

Of course she is upset, and so would you be in the same situation. You are the one who needs to grow up, not your grandaughter.

I would keep your mouth shut and your unhelpful opinions to yourself.

It’s a full moon isn’t it 🙈

I'm sorry but it just seems so childish. Like this evening, I went to the family home. She was hiding upstairs in her room while me and the rest of the family were downstairs. She came to say hello but that was it. Everyone else was happy and excited for her sister and her partner. They haven't been approved yet for this flat but I'm sure it will happen. My youngest GD has saved and not had any financial obligations so living at home with no money really going out means it will build up fast. My eldest GD has savings too but doesn't have a partner. She will either have to get a much higher paying job perhaps working from home or retrain or move somewhere where the costs are very low. Her sister shouldn't have to tiptoe around her, the whole family shouldn't have to either. My youngest GD admitted she is going outside to make calls just so her sister doesn't overhear and get upset and jealous. That seems ludicrous to me.

My eldest GD said that it wouldn't feel right living at home at her age and not contribute in some way . She is deeply embarrassed about still living there. Her parents have never asked that of her or her sister. It's a choice she has made but she has mentioned that it would of course be easier for her sister to save money as she hasn't contributed and gets treats and meals paid for by partner. But nobody has made her do this. So it doesn't seem right to throw it in anyones face right now.
It's getting to be awkward as she won't give them a congratulations card and will be difficult about a gathering to celebrate.
It's rubbish to say she isn't as loved as her sister. We value them all the same. Its a difficult situation but there is no favouritism, only those that she has created in her head. Its just causing quite a lot of tension and her distancing herself from us all seems an over reaction and immature.

Is this for real?

Why on earth would it not be?
Are you saying we should just tiptoe around her and not celebrate a big achievement with other GD?

Could she look at shared ownership?
That's what I'd suggest.

Poor woman is probably feeling pretty depressed right now. The focus is all on her younger sister and she is being sidelined. That is what it seems from your post anyway. We all need to feel loved and wanted and she just isn’t getting that. Give her a hug and make her feel wanted for goodness sake.

Aibu to say she needs to grow up and if she can, really go out of her way to find a partner so she can have the same?

Yes, YABU.

You can't just go and order a partner from Amazon!

The younger GD is 31, earns £9,000 pa (really?) and yet has managed to save £80,000?
Probably because her older sister has helped fund her while she paid nothing.
Nice work if you can get it.

It’s a full moon isn’t it 🙈
Yes, it is, JaneJudge
🤔

YorkshireQueen

Why on earth would it not be?
Are you saying we should just tiptoe around her and not celebrate a big achievement with other GD?

Younger GD has achieved nothing on her own by the sounds of it. Older sister does everything and pays her way.

Is this for real?

Eldest doesn't do everything. She contributes what she can and helps with cooking etc but doesn't do it all.
I don't call saving 80K doing nothing either. It's all my youngest GD's money which she has saved.
The main point of this post wasn't to discuss who does what but to ask for advice on how to handle it as it's a really awkward situation where you effectively have a member of the family so jealous that she now doesn't want to really bother with any of us.

I don't blame her.

Blimey! Give the girl a break.

I don't call saving 80K doing nothing either. It's all my youngest GD's money which she has saved

Just think how much she could have saved if she'd put a bit of effort in and worked full-time!
Why, if she's young and fit, is she only working part-time?

I'd say your eldest GD has done quite a bit. She's paid towards the upkeep of the household, whilst your youngest GD has done nothing but save pretty much most of her salary for years. You say your eldest GD's contributions were by choice, so, basically, she was being a grown up and wanting to pay her own way, without sponging off her parents, kudos to her! Perhaps, for fairness, her parents should've accepted the money and put it to one side for her, so she'd have a nice lump sum to enable her to also buy a property. Not very fair of them to accept it from one daughter, and not expect anything from the youngest.

I'm not in the least bit surprised that she's fed up with listening to all the talk about her sister buying a property, and all the excitement and congratulations she's getting. People can be happy for your youngest GD, but this all sounds rather over the top. She hasn't even got a confirmed mortgage offer yet, let alone gone through the lengthy process of buying the flat, which doesn't always go smoothly. Probably a little premature for congratulations. I'd be sick of listening to it too.

So, you did ask AIBU? Yes, you are.

Gosh what a bias post you don’t sound as if you like your poor elder grandaughter very much My sympathy all goes to her
What a stupid comment ‘she should go out of her way to find a partner’ are you for real !!
You come across as very hard towards your eldest she has health difficulties and gives money and time towards the house but why is a 31 year old healthy, working daughter, still living at home then, what’s her reason?
Poor girl.. yes you are being entirely unreasonable

Made up story?