Eating out paying the bill

I would assume you're both old enough to be honest. Your friend couldn't be upset if you said you would rather eat somewhere in your price range, Redhead gives good advice.

Men seem much more at ease splitting the bill regardless of how much each has consumed. Women seem more picky about differences. Just something I've noticed over the years.

Do what I do when out with friends, we agree to each pay for our own, problem solved.

I'm always very upfront about not wanting to include drinks on my half of the bill.
They're expensive and I'm teetotal.

Things have changes so much. On a date the man always paid when I was young. When a relationship was established where a couple saw each other most nights then money was pooled to pay for going out. My husband of 54 years marriage would never dream of letting a woman pay if there was just her dining out with us. Likewise he will always open the car door for me or any other woman. Many friends have remarked that their husbands sit there like wooden lumps and would never think of opening the car door to see the lady safely to the pavement. Equally he will always carry any shopping bags , just good manners as far as he is concerned. Both us us have been shocked when our daughter has been expected to do these little things for herself when she has brought a new man home, years ago. She adores her father and expected to see similar good manners in any prospective boyfriends. Luckily she is married to a lovely man who would do anything for his wife and children.
Equality is a strange business. In a large group we would split the bill equally unless someone had much less and then we would say so and so has only had a small amount so perhaps we should all put a little bit more in to cover our excesses.

I had an acquaintance whom I ferried all over shopping as she didn't drive. Not ONCE did she pay for even a cup of tea , or offer to pay for car park ( couple quid at most) she even separated our coffees and cake on the tray once at boundary mill and paid hers only , even though I used a 10%off allowance!!! Tight cow! Needless to say I've not bothered with her since. If folks don't play nice with me, they don't get to play at all!

When I was on online dating I insisted on paying my way. One gentleman was very wealthy and a simple lunch in an exclusive country restaurant was over £250. He didn’t want to accept my £125 but I insisted out of principle.

(That was the last date I agreed to with him.)

I used to sort of start as I mean to go on. I had a lovely friend of nearly 80 years old when I was coming up to 40 ish. So we often had a day in the week when I would take her somewhere in the car and we would go for a walk near a river or in the dales and then have something to eat. As I had a family I was going home to cook a main meal for three so was only thinking of a sandwich or maybe soup on a cold day. she was a widow and of course did not make full roast dinners for herself and had said how she missed that sort of meal. She had enjoyed having dinner with us sometimes . so I said to her look we will buy our own food and if we want we can sometimes buy each other a coffee earlier or later, because I dont need a main meal at lunchtime and I am sure you would prefer to have that roast rather than a sandwich etc. She agreed and it worked out well. we just had what we wanted and paid for our own which gave us free reign to do as we pleased and enjoy our lunch whatever it was Sometimes she would have a roast, but in the winter we actually often had similar lunches as we both liked good jacket potatoes with a filling , but the whole point was to sort it out in the beginning and be open and then it is easy. So if it was an occasion I could say I am buying your birthday lunch today and we shall go to that cafe we like etc. Now I am the widow living alone and it is the opposite way. I am a singer and we rehearse on sundays with one choir so do not eat lot before singing, but rather sad that lots of places do sunday lunch or carvery and it is not sensible for me to have them but occasionally I have done that as a treat. Gone very early so plenty of time before I start to sing. Lovely to have a roast or carvery, good choice of everything , no washing up, a treat for me. I do in general prefer to make some sort of arrangement with people before you get to the restaurant so that you all know where you stand , so sometimes we might pay for our own, or in a good chinese restaurant where we love all the dimsum we all put so much in a kitty so that we can try lots of bits and pieces. When I am having a sticky patch with bills, I will just say I could meet you for coffee afterwards but cant do the cafe this week. Or sometimes have suggested that they come to my house for coffee and biscuits after or whatever. the first time it can feel a bit embarrasing for some people to talk like this but it is so worth while. You all know how things stand, sort your own idea out and then this awful creeping resentment or feeling that you cant say anything to someone can ruin a friendship. My friends are precious to me , male or female, and I would be very sorry to gradually drift away from someone important to me just over bills . I do not want to be patronised , or be the poor relation where they always pay, but by being honest in the beginning we work it out. I might add that I keep a plates and cutlery and kitchen roll with me if I go out and have had many take away chinese or whatever under the stars up on the wolds at a much cheaper price than going into a restaurant and waiting about. I can look out at a lovely view or listen to radio 3 and am very happy doing that. Perhaps a night time picnic might work as you could buythe food and bring your own drink if you are not driving ??

ooonana

Just had a nice impromptu Sunday lunch with a gentleman friend. We’re both widowed been out together before. He paid first time I paid second time, this time I suggest splitting. What do people think when he drinks and eats more than me and we end up with a bill for £70 for a modest 2 course lunch … much more than I would have ordered. Next time I can’t keep this up… suggestions please, going Dutch ?

If you know this greedy guts enough to keep going out with him you should know him well enough to say you're paying for yourself because his portion of the meal and the bill are way more than yours! If he's offended - ditch him , he's no decent bloke!

In our group of friends it has evolved that when celebrating a birthday the person whose birthday it is picks up the drinks tab....

It's not just friends this happens with, one time I went out with my brother and sister-in-law, sister brother-in-law and nephew for someone's birthday. At the end of the meal my brother says split the bill six ways which you would think fair, but it wasn't as I only drink water/squash because of driving, and my nephew only drinks water and only ice cream as dessert - sister on soft drinks because of driving, brother and SIL starters steaks big dessert alcohol and coffees. Plus brother earns a lot more than us. Next time we went out each set paid their own

Really!!
It’s a no brainer.

Split the bill. Nothing wrong with that.

My friends and I when out for lunch always pay for our own individual food.
Personally, I can’t stand all this bill splitting business.

It’s so unnecessary.

i think separate bills or pay for what you have eaten. the people that say they don't like "picky people" have more disposable income than me.

We have all been out for meals where everyone has shared the cost. Thats fine by me when I am with my friends it doesnt really matter to me who had what and at what cost,they are my friends. If its colleagues though there always seems to be one who orders an expensive dish,drinks heavily and does well out of the deal of bill splitting. Now that does annoy me.

I think my problem is the opposite.
I go out 2 or 3 times a year with a couple who I see regularly, they have been friends for years and the wife and DH and I were at university together.
Since being on my own, I cannot get them (well the husband) to let me pay for the meal, it’s a man thing I suppose.
So I have asked them round here a couple of times ( but actually it’s a treat for me to go out for a meal) to try to get over this.
I wonder if the next time, if I just have a word at the bar and settle up perhaps on my way to the Ladies, without saying?

I now make a mental note of what we have ordered, when the bill comes I simply add a tip on to the total of our food and drink and put that on the tray then pass on to the other guests. Sorted.

JdotJ, it’s the begrudging that would annoy me. How mean of them.
Our staff meals now involve getting a menu in school, signing up for what we want and paying our super organised arranger in advance. She has a list and gives us a slip reminding us of what we’ve ordered (very useful). Anything not on on the list e.g. coffee or drinks, is paid for when ordered, at the restaurant.

Well over 30 years ago I had a Christmas evening meal out with a couple of friends who worked together and had been invited to an office party but for some reason I was included which was very kind of them.
The whole office were very big on drinking and bottle after bottle was brought to the table.
I was pregnant at the time and wasn't drinking so asked if I could pay my bill separately. I had two orange juices all night.
Everyone was aghast, including my friends and although they begrudgingly agreed (a big fuss was made working out my bill with a lot of tutting) I was never asked out again in the evening with my friends.
Which suited me, with a new baby to look after.

Now you’ve experienced splitting the bill, just ask for separate bills. Separate bills hopefully won’t spoil the friendship on his side, but paying that much extra would certainly spoil it for me.

Just ask for seperate bills.

I was out with a large group yesterday and the pub asked us to pay individually at the till. So we said our goodbyes and people started to leave, paying on the way out. I was one of the last, together with the lady who had booked the meal. I paid and waited for my friend but unfortunately there was still an outstanding amount after she paid for her meal. It was for three coffees and a couple of desserts and came to £28. At this point everyone else had left so my friend had no choice but to have the cost added to her bill. As I felt this was unfair, I gave her half so ended up paying pretty much double the cost of my light meal.

When we got outside, the rest of the group were still chatting in the car park and I asked them if anyone had forgotten to pay for desserts. No one admitted it and as a few people had left, there was nothing more we could do. But by the looks a couple of them gave each other, I reckon they know who it was!

Pay separately on cards and split the bill. You pay for what you had, he pays for what he had. We have some friends who drink more than us and we quickly learned that was the way to go.

Go somewhere cheaper or where they serve at set meal for a set price. Otherwise come clean and say you cannot afford it

Separate bills I'd say if he's a friend, different thing if he is a "significant other" .
Explain why - even to the point of saying that you are now on a tight budget these days. As a friend, he should be ok with that and like others have said, choose somewhere not as pricey and perhaps go to the more expensive places on special occasions !

These situations are so awkward! I really resent ‘subbing’ other people with split bills. There is one in a group who always seems to order the most expensive dish and wine. I insist on paying for myself now. However, I went out recently and was delighted to be told that most tills nowadays can deal with individual orders. It was music to my ears!