Funerals

Like I said Germanshepherdsmum, I make no apologies and yes I do understand responsibility. Perhaps it depends on perception. We have no knowledge of one another’s responsibilities do we……

silverlining48 if you scroll back to 21.43 yesterday, you'll see that it was me that mentioned ACAS, not Razzy and I mentioned it in the context of their advice 're bereavement leave.

Somebody's common sense is someone else's insanity We know!

Curly

Would you also refuse to address his constraint and compromise?

Well, personally, and I know we are all different, I would be devastated if my husband said he couldn't attend my mother's funeral as he had an extremely important work commitment - I relied so much on my husband's support during those awful weeks before and during the funeral. I can't imagine him letting me go to that funeral without him.

silverlining48

The op mentioned she works for ACAS an organisation which seeks conciliation between employers and employees so would imagine they might practice what they preach.

No she didn’t and she didn’t.

I remember predictive text once inserting ACAS into something I had written. Probably what happened with OP.

Bibbity

I would just state

"As previously mentioned I can not make that date. I do hope everything goes smooth. Let me know if I can help at all but I will not be attending. Either day"

^
This.

dogsmother you have absolutely no idea of what I was doing which meant I had to delay my mother’s funeral. By about two weeks. When I say I had no choice I mean it. Unless you have been lead lawyer on a highly complex major and time-critical project you can’t begin to understand. It is not a matter of work being more important. I doubt you have ever been in the position I was so don’t presume to judge me. My mother certainly wouldn’t have, nor did anyone else.

X post GSM

Apologies but your post of 4 January 21.56 refers to ‘ACAS in relation to your employment and the important meeting.

21.56 yesterday?

Germanshepherdsmum I make no apologies here, I do understand responsibility. My view remains, that my mothers funeral would take precedence and if my partners meeting and daughters school were more important to them so be it.

What? I never said anything about Acas! I don’t work for them!

I am very surprised that some posters are advising the OP that she needn’t go to the funeral however inconvenient the day may be. These family occasions are so important. Last year my DD lost quite a lot of money changing a flight so she could be at a family funeral. This gesture was her own idea and much appreciated by all involved.

However to resolve this sorry saga by changing the date if possible might be worth trying,

The op mentioned she works for ACAS an organisation which seeks conciliation between employers and employees so would imagine they might practice what they preach.

Indeed indeed

Somebody's common sense is someone else's insanity

Thank you (and others) for common sense.
All this “what iffery” is verging on hysteria.
Yes, leavevof absence will be discretionary but that is a technicality, no decent employer would hold her to it.
She is not a High Court judge in a high profile trial or a brain surgeon as far as I know, and few people are indispensable .
Children’s grades not irrevocably blighted by a day or two off school - but why do I bother. Anything sensible , plus a lot that is not, has been said already.

Yes, but people don't tend to consult with you to check if its convenient that they die.

Just to be clear, I told OH I would check the date. He went to work (his choice) and I presumed we would discuss the funeral, arrangements etc when he got home. That evening I told him the date and he told me he’d already arranged everything and it was that same date. He refused to change it or even discuss it. Then he said we will be going for 2 days and staying overnight. I know how hard it is, I have lost close friends and parents too, and done various arrangements.

Oh Chewie, taking a day off work can definitely impact on your career. You can’t just decide to have annual leave when it suits you regardless of pre-existing commitments.

Oh dear oh dear.

So OP would have to go to court because her husband refuses to change a date.

Yes, very reasonable (sarcasm intended)