Seeing adult children over Christmas

Oooof. They're key workers, on shifts. That goes a LONG way to explaining their schedule and the February time line, imo. It may well be that they're on opposite shifts for the next however knows how long, trying to juggle finding some family time with them and their kids, plus extended family. Especially with the surge in pandemic cases happening. More and more key workers are getting ill, leaving gaps in schedules... I wouldn't be at all surprised if they're in a 'all hands on deck' situation, especially if either of them is in health care.

They're probably stressed and burnt out, barely hanging on.

Give them as much grace as you can.

MercuryQueen I agree with everything you've said.

Yes, I love my children unconditionally, but we have always operated as a family.

My children live 90 and 200 miles away. When DD was seriously injured in a car accident we were there for her and livd with her for 2 months and were with her for 5 further operations and other treatments. The same when DGS's nursery shut down with no notice. i drove the 200 miles to care for DGS while his parents found a new nursery.

When DH was critically ill last Christmas and his life was on a knife edge, one or other of our children was with me every weekend, despite the inconvenience and difficulty they both had with work demands and family.

This year both have spent a whole week staying with us over Christmas. This happens every other year and we will see them again in February when we all go north to see DGD in a ballet show.

All of us, and it includes DiL's relationship with her family, see ourselves as family, not them and us and our relationship is reciprocal.