Christmas money - how much do you give your grown up kids?

I usually by them gifts up to 100 but it's doubled this year for some reason, I got carried away son in laws usually allocate 50 each but sometimes it's more depending on what I think they might need, I did save a lot more money up this year though with not going out due to covid so I don't mind, next year will be back to normal

I always spoil my daughter. She and her brother get £100 in their accounts or spent on them if they tell me what they want. Additionally, I buy them some nice things to open on the day: trousers, shirts, P.J.s, cardigans, whatever.

This year I have gone a bit over the top on my daughter as she and my DH bought me a beautiful ring for my birthday. I am going to use up all my Tesco Clubcard points and convert them to Goldsmith's vouchers to buy her a Mont Blanc fountain pen. I'll have to add a lot of cash to buy it.

My DD's husband is getting about £80/90 worth of nice presents for Christmas but his birthday is in mid December so I'll be spending the same amount on him then too.

If I couldn't afford it, I wouldn't. In fact I'm not sure I can afford it but I love my children so much (and the dear SIL) that it gives me immense pleasure to please them.

My DH and I don't do Christmas presents for each other. His birthday is a couple of days after Christmas so he gets a good haul then.

welbeck

i don't see why you should give them any money.
they are young and presumably working.
you are retired and disabled.
maybe a token gift, or hand made card, for the thought.
never heard of parents giving grown up children money.
not done in my extended family.

I'm 56 and my Mum always gives me money for Christmas

The cash we give to our married dd is always in a card addressed to both her and our son in law.

Cash for dd who is fairly long term partnered but not married, no children and no joint mortgage (they each have their own house) is just for her. It’s not that we don’t like her chap, we really do, but don’t feel it needs to be shared like the other dd’s (3 children plus joint mortgage).

Should have added, how much you give must surely depend on what you can afford, and how much you like or love the recipients concerned.

Nothing. I got them to agree to presents to children only at Christmas outside their immediate family and friends. So much money wasted and at my age I don’t want to be collecting stuff which will just end up in the charity shop. I do spend a good deal on the children though (there are now 9 of them and parents advise) and I send to one of my offspring who is far away, chronically ill and has most children, a large sum to help towards all their Christmas expenditure - and that is with the blessing of their siblings. I have never felt I have to give the same to all of them. They will get equal shares in my will but so long as I am here they get what they need if I am able.

Normally we always give our DS & DDL the same amount in money or gifts but this year all of us have recently moved house and they’ve both just started new jobs so have agreed not to exchange money (which is stupid anyway) but as they don’t get gifts from her side of the family I just cannot not let them open something Xmas morning so have bought them just a small gift each and some very nice chocolates and biscuits from F&M. I wanted them to have a little bit of luxury they would never buy themselves instead. My DGS we’ll buy a game he wants for his X box as usual but he’s only 12.

I give my partner’s children and partners the same each year. This year it is an M & S voucher for a dine in for two meal.
My daughter( I only have her) gets a stocking, gifts and cash. I cannot take it with me! She lives alone, pays her bills, works hard so I am happy to treat her as I am very proud of her achievements and resilience.

Cheque and small gift to our AC and A inlaws and cash or cheque plus slightly bigger gift to the GC. I was a bit worried about vouchers this year with so many businesses closing.

Try to spend same on my son-in-law although he is difficult to buy for! He and my daughter are separated now for two years but he still comes for a Xmas meal with us all…. he has no parents and no siblings. He’s my grandchildren’s ( most excellent ) father, and I will not exclude him. I treat him as another of my children…. and he treats me as his ‘mum’.

Up until this year everyone 3 daughters, 1 SIL and 6 grandchildren got a present or money for between £25-30.
My husband used to buy them so Ettington extra for around £10-15 that he wrapped himself. He wasn't able to do that last year so he gave them all cash.

This year he is no longer with us and I have decided that one of his ISAs is going to be shared out to them as a gift from his inheritance.
I have the same reason that I would rather they got something now than wait til I'm gone. If I had a crystal ball and knew how many more years I had to budget for I would probably give them more.
I'm not going to leave myself short for my future.

I give my only son and dil exactly the same for both Xmas and birthdays they are both my family now and have been for 22 years. Always cheques

My 6 grand children get presents...the older two money. I don't give their parents anything. My son and his wife don't have children do I send them a gift voucher each. It has always been a tradition in my family that only the children get presents. I give each £25. I am retired and can't afford any more.

I dont do adult children now.l am afraid they are old enough and earn enough to buy what and when they want it!
Grandchildren, l do give presents too after l am told what they want.
When they reach working age that will be knocked on the head.
Goodness me what a load of hassle adult children present shopping not for me!

It's not a competition. Just do whatever you are comfortable with. We tend to spent roughly the same on the kids and their partners now they are in established relationships but after last Christmas our most cherished present is having their company whenever they can manage it. Even if its rare to see them for Christmas It's value to us is priceless..

My grown up sons (both single at the moment) and my granddaughter get money to buy what they want but I also get them a present to open at the family get together. They also get a selection box, when I tried to stop this they both said it didn’t feel like Christmas?

Daughter in law and son-in-law get same as son and daughter I wouldn't dream of not doing this they are family too

Our children get a small gift up to the value of £20, their partners get the same. Each family is sent a Hamper.

I tend to give a main joint present to both DDs and their DHs (money for theatre/ ballet/ opera tickets this year plus offer of us babysitting for them on that night), then smaller gifts to DSILs and bit bigger to DDs, but not things they'd want for themselves anyway, so no envy involved! Don't see the men in Sweaty Betty (other companies exist ha!) leggings really...

icanhandthemback, I see that your cash gifts amount to about £600, that's before the little extras and special food. I think that's far too much for Christmas!

Different families function in different ways. I don't think you can say whether a certain amount is too much. Only parents know what their own financial situation is and what their childrens needs are. The important think is spending time together if it is possible.

My parents give joint presents to me and my DP and treat us equally.
However my DP’s parents give money and there is a hierarchy - their son (my DP) is given £200, their granddaughter (our daughter) is also given £200, while I (their DIL and mother of their grandchild) is given £50! I find this both hilarious and insulting! Obviously the money isn’t important but the message it sends about my value in the family (and we all get on well - I don’t think they dislike me at all!)

No - you are not being unreasonable. Everyone's situation is different and the last thing anyone needs is to feel anxious or guilty about Christmas spending! That's not what it's about.

I decide what we can (comfortably) afford overall, then break it down into how much we'll spend on each, being as fair as we can.
I do the same for birthday spending throughout the year.

We give our 9 grandchildren presents or vouchers, depending on their age and what they're into (no more than about £35 each but do help out at other times where we can)
For their parents (my kids and spouses) - we save up our Tesco vouchers and triple them up on restaurant vouchers for them to enjoy a meal out on their own or with the kids (babysitting can be included). £20 Tesco vouchers gets a £60 restaurant voucher.
My DH's 2 adult daughters with no partners or kids - we give smallish presents.( about £30)
Our siblings, their spouses and the "children" (our nieces and nephews who are all grown up) - we don't give anything now by mutual agreement.

All our children, their spouses and the grandchildren get individual birthday presents.( again usually no more than about £30 unless it's a special birthday)

There are various websites where you can get discounts or cashback which can make the available funds go further. My husband uses one tied to his previous employment in the police. I use Complete Savings - you have to buy something every month to get the £15 "bonus" which then "cancels out" the £15 monthly fee, but I've found it has saved me a fair bit of money overall. Both of the ones we use give around 4% off if you buy supermarket top-up gift cards and more on some items. We use them all the time for our Tesco/Asda/Wilko/B&Q shopping and for vouchers for the GC. If you spend £4000 a year across a range of these, that's a saving of around £160 by doing it that way.

Our adult children and their partners get a gift of the same value between each couple plus just a small individual gift for each of them, If they can’t think of anything they’d like they will get a shopping or restaurant voucher to spend in the New Year. All grandchildren get the same but it’s much easier to find something within budget for the younger ones. More families seem to be doing the secret Santa now and I think it’s a good idea. It all depends on your financial circumstances as to how much you want to spend, it’s a good idea to set a limit or you can go on forever buying extra bits and pieces.

I give more to my children than I do their partners and always have.