Gransnet forums

AIBU

Christmas money - how much do you give your grown up kids?

(152 Posts)
Scotchmist10 Fri 26-Nov-21 20:36:22

I usually send our adult daughter money for Christmas as she's lived away from home for years and we rarely see her for Christmas (she loves to travel a lot).
My partner and I are both disabled and retired from work so we're not exactly rolling in it, so when my sister and I were discussing what to get our kids for Christmas she surprised me when she said she gives her son and daughter in law money for Christmas too so they can buy whatever they like, but she gives her daughter in law the same amount of money she used to give to just her son when he was single, so double the cost.
Our daughter has a steady boyfriend who she's been living with for a couple of years but I've never thought to double the amount I send her since he came along - I just presume he gets a present or money from his own family.
My sister thinks I'm being a scrooge not treating our daughters partner to the same as our daughter but we aren't flush and can't afford any extra expenses.
AIBU? Or is my sister doing the right thing with her family? It's something I'd never considered until she brought it up and now I feel like I'm being mean hmm

Lockers54 Mon 29-Nov-21 11:59:44

I give my adult children & partners £50 each & a couple of gifts i.e. socks, slippers for xmas. The grandkids get presents that are approx £30 as I have 4.

moggiek Mon 29-Nov-21 12:04:35

Forsythia can I ask where you order your hampers from, please? That sounds like a great idea!

stillaspringchicken Mon 29-Nov-21 12:05:54

No presents or cash being given here, they've asked if they can have a Christmas stocking instead as that's more exciting! :D

Dearknees1 Mon 29-Nov-21 12:08:53

We give the same amount of money to our son and daughter-in-law in the context of what we feel we can afford and and on the basis that they might as well have some of it now rather than after we’re gone. Adult family presents are capped at £20 now there are grandchildren.

bevisp1 Mon 29-Nov-21 12:09:13

For our adult children and their partner £50, or if they want to split it then something for £25 each... simple.
For their birthdays our children get £50 then their partners is about £30, we have 5 adult children between us so it all adds up and 6 grandchildren

pennykins Mon 29-Nov-21 12:14:02

for Christmas and birthdays my Dil has expectations on how much we should send for the children, it has always been the same. I used to ask what they wanted but now just send the money. I either send the adults money or perhaps have bought them something during the year and told no present required. I get nothing in return very seldom have but I get the pleasure of giving,

Sheilasue Mon 29-Nov-21 12:14:56

We usually give my dd and her partner a voucher as they have just moved into their house we will get one from John Lewis
For them
We buy a few tree presents and do a secret Santa nothing more then £1.50. Our gd wanted a new phone so we have bought her one from Amazon which was reconditioned. It was still a bit pricey so she will just get some little tree present.

Forsythia Mon 29-Nov-21 12:18:07

moggiek

Forsythia can I ask where you order your hampers from, please? That sounds like a great idea!

Regency Hampers. I’ve recommended them to friends and they’ve been equally pleased. Not cheap, but good quality and various prices to suit various pockets. Hope this helps. X

Purpledaffodil Mon 29-Nov-21 12:21:32

I wouldn’t dream of giving an inlaw less than the AC I gave birth to. I would have felt really upset if that had happened to DH and I .

Rileysnana Mon 29-Nov-21 12:24:27

I have 2 children with partners and both have one child. I send £350 to them as a family. They can divide it as they wish.

Hazeld Mon 29-Nov-21 12:26:07

We stop giving presents once anyone reaches 16 years of age. Partly because when my mum was in her 80's and just had her pension, she was still giving out presents to children, grandchildren and great grandchildren which she couldn't afford but said she felt mean if she didn't. I didn't want to be in that situation so that's what we decided. I do tend to get my own grown up children a food delivery and a bottle of something but that's it.

Helenlouise3 Mon 29-Nov-21 12:26:51

I think you should give what you can afford and what you're prepared to give. We have 6 older grandchildren and 5 have asked for money this year. We'll give them cash and I've also bought a gift for each to open on Christmas day. Our daughter & sil get cash to share and a gift each to open as does our son.

Annaram1 Mon 29-Nov-21 12:27:24

My children are better off than I am as I only have my pension and they are in full time employment. So it seems unnecessary to give them more money just because it is Christmas.

I am giving my son and daughter in law a 6 month sock subscription each. I may get my daughter something from the same supplier. I shall give my grandchildren a bit of money.

MooM00 Mon 29-Nov-21 12:29:39

I ask my step Son what the children would like, I buy what he suggests after talking to them. There are 3 of them I don’t spend the same amount on each. My Daughter and Son in law I buy what they have asked for and don’t worry if I spend more on one than the other. The same with my other 2 grandchildren they want different things at different prices. It would do my head in if I had to make sure I had spent the same on each.

crazygranny Mon 29-Nov-21 12:32:14

Everyone - partners included - gets the same amount

GolferGrandma Mon 29-Nov-21 12:35:19

Have always treated both children, and now Grandchildren, absolutely equally. Grown ups get money, usually £50 each, occasionally more if we have spare, so they can treat themselves to whatever they need/want, kids get presents.

Romney981 Mon 29-Nov-21 12:35:57

I've got 4 and they all get the same - Nothing! I host a pre Christmas get together and supply and the food and booze - that's their present.

grandtanteJE65 Mon 29-Nov-21 12:38:29

We agreed some years ago now that we only give Christmas presents if we spend Christmas or New Year together.

If not, we send a Christmas card.

I would never dream of giving my son and daughter-in-law money. For one thing they both earn more than we do, for another I would be embarrassed if they gave us money.

So presents are small gifts, but chosen with care as something we hope they will like and find useful.

Yammy Mon 29-Nov-21 12:42:05

We give presents to daughters, sons in law and grandchildren. The grand children get more and all the same amount. I buy a Bettys Christmas Box for both households. Sons in law just treat the same as the girls and the thought is much appreciated by both.

Natasha76 Mon 29-Nov-21 12:53:15

We have a strange mixture.
We never give money- we would contribute to a present someone else was giving if its a large present and something that had been asked for or buy a present ourselves. I do ask if there is anything they want before I go off and buy them something, but I personally feel if it is a present, it should involve some effort and thought. Cash, bank transfers and cheques just don't fit the bill for me. We spend the same on children- in- laws as children.
I have 2 step children and they decided that they didn't want to buy presents anymore because they didn't have the time, so their father (who was very dissapointed in that attitude) decided that we would no longer give them presents either. It's nothing against us, their children don't have birthday parties either because of this and they don't seem to have been affected by it. They just say mummy doesn't do birthday parties and get on with life. We have 4 children between us and 11 grandchildren.

Nannan2 Mon 29-Nov-21 12:55:38

I get gifts for all my GC, or maybe a giftcard or money for oldest GC if i cant find suitable gift- very early 20's and 16 year old, but their parents (MY 'kids' and SinL & DinL) i just give a token gift wrapped up to open on xmas day- the usual 'smellies' and gift sets etc, or occasionally a small item to do with their hobbies etc. I certainly wouldn't gift them money- but as you can't see them really to give a gift, as someone else said, maybe a voucher or gift token, or book token maybe? Or double up on a coffee shop egift card or the ones you can get for 'cinema tickets for two' or 'dinner for two' etc- might be much appreciated as they can have a date night as a treat.??

Albangirl14 Mon 29-Nov-21 13:00:28

Surely the amount is relative as to how well off a person is. My mum was a widow and generous to give us a small gift each. Some relatives much better off may give more but still a tiny proportion of their available cash.

AngBrew Mon 29-Nov-21 13:08:44

Always give our son and daughter in law vouchers from wherever they want them but always to the same value. Would never give one more than the other, they are equal in my opinion.

Nannan2 Mon 29-Nov-21 13:12:23

chocolatepudding- i agree, there's way more generosity than i could afford thats for sure! I just like to give them all a little something to show i care about them and if i can put more effort in and get them something more personal to them or useful to them as in their own likes or hobbies then all the better.Its the thought that counts as they say, i like them to feel they are all thought about, even if I'm not there when they open them.?

Harris27 Mon 29-Nov-21 13:12:56

Keep them all the same saves arguments.