Is it unfair to ask me to get rid of pet

First of all, how does she know he is allergic to them ?
If he was, surely wouldn't you have been aware before now?
She wouldn't be the first person to use her child as an excuse just because she didn't like animals !
I would certainly keep your pets and make other arrangements to see your GC.

I think she is trying to bully you, and it would be cruel to get rid of your pets unnecessarily.

You could have them re-homed, and she still refuses to let your grandchildren come to your home.

If she won't let you visit the children either at her home or somewhere else, it shows she is just playing games.

Bit harsh Germanshepherdmum all our pets are rescue animals but if I had to choose between them and grandchildren's health then I would rehome them.
I'm talking here about regular child care and stays at my home not just the occasional visit. I have a feeling that the daughter in law in question is using the term 'allergy' very loosely to avoid contact.

Kartush

I like animals and have had many dogs cats horses etc over the the years but if I was given irrefutable evidence that one of my grandchildren had a severe allergy then the animals would go.
However it would have to be irrefutable evidence not just say so. The other alternative is keep the animals out of certain parts of the house or out of the house all together

You say you like animals but would be prepared to get rid of them? They ‘would go’, i.e. be dumped like unwanted clothes going to the charity shop. Fortunately people like me take others’ cast off pets. Like perhaps, love definitely not.

I wouldn't get ride of a pet in this situation.
But I wouldnt expect a child to stay over either.
Thinking back to when I had small children, I think I would have secretly felt disappointed that my parents/IL didnt put their GC warfare 1st.
Now I see how important pets are to our everyday lives.
What strikes me is the polarisation of this problem. There seems to be no middle ground for the op or dil.

My answer would depend on how bad the allergy is - a bit of a sniffle, full blown allergic reaction or somewhere in between?

People often find that dogs that don't shed, poodles or poodle cross breeds are suitable for those with allergies so there is such a thing greenlady. Also some breeds of cats for example Devon Rex.

Just how badly allergic is your GS? Does antihistamine not help or does he need an epi pen whenever he enters your house. If the latter then perhaps you should visit him though you may well have the allergens on your clothing and still set him off. We had cats over 30 years and DH was fine. Once the cat had gone, our neighbour got a cat and DH stroked it and developed swelling on face. He still can't go near cats without an antihistamine.

You are not being unreasonable to keep your pets, but also she is not being unreasonable in wanting to protect her son from allergens. And the problem with pet allergies is that it's often the dander that is the problem so that is going to be all over the house and possibly on you as well.

I like animals and have had many dogs cats horses etc over the the years but if I was given irrefutable evidence that one of my grandchildren had a severe allergy then the animals would go.
However it would have to be irrefutable evidence not just say so. The other alternative is keep the animals out of certain parts of the house or out of the house all together

your pets are part of your family, grandchildren grow up and form their own lives very quickly. How does your grandchild cope with other situations where there are dogs, cats, etc in relation to the allergies? Set a compromise and see the family at their house minus the pets or on outings where you can take a dog outside and play in a park as a family reducing the contact to stimulate the allergy.

I wouldn't get rid of my pet for anybody, she is great company for me as I'm sure yours is for you. You can go to theirs, the park, etc without your pets to see your GC.

Is it a real medically diagnosed allergy? Has he visited your house, or you to theirs and he has had a reaction? (No matter how clean we are, stray pet hairs tend to get on clothes) If not there could be underlying reasons why your DIL is making excuses.
I don’t think you should get rid of your pets, so perhaps you should ask to visit GS away from your home. Personally I dislike dogs and staying with my son, who has two dogs, is a trial for me but I wouldn’t dream of him locking them in their pen or outside let alone asking him to get rid of them.

Yes, it's extremely unfair to expect you to do that. You love your pets and they are not bits of furniture to be "got rid of". If he's really allergic, you could arrange to see your grandson at his home, or outdoors, or in a cafe etc. And wear freshly washed clothes to make sure there isn't any dander on you to cause problems.

Do you both know 'for a fact' that he is allergic - (ie have seen him starting to react) to your pet? If so then clearly they cannot mix - put the pet out during visits. If not - problem (that one at least) solved.

POBCOB

My dog is family and will never be ‘got rid’. Arrangements can be made to see GC elsewhere. My dog is with me 24/7 and makes no demands on humans to keep away, in fact, quite the opposite. Having said that she is an anti allergy breed so no problems to date.

actually there is no such thing

My dog is family and will never be ‘got rid’. Arrangements can be made to see GC elsewhere. My dog is with me 24/7 and makes no demands on humans to keep away, in fact, quite the opposite. Having said that she is an anti allergy breed so no problems to date.

oh and what does your son say about this?

but the stay over thing is weird.....either they are so allergic that they can't enter the house or they aren't......has she been difficult before?

No if pets came before grandkids ?grandkids are only going to grow up and not bother with you at some point ?pets should be for their lives!!

I don't think you have given us enough information. What pets? how bad is the allergy?

I wouldn't get rid of my cat for anyone! Specially if they don't live with me. Even so ... my husband is allergic to cats but I have had Devon Rex cats for over 20 years and he's been fine. I, on the other hand, am very allergic to dogs, and can't even step foot in my best friend's house or car without a major asthma attack. That has never stopped us spending time together, including taking her dogs for long walks, as long as they don't slobber on me or jump up. There are ways round this issue with a bit of compromise. I think there's more going on there and wonder what the DIL's motives are.

So you can either keep one room pet-free and the child stays there (but dander flies all over the place) or you go to their house, or you meet somewhere. But it's not fair to expect you to "get rid" (!) of your pets, no.

I have read somewhere that white haired cats cause the most symptoms.
I wouldn't get rid of a pet, but then I would accept that it meant I couldn't have my grandchild to stay.

I grew up with a lovely long haired cat quite happily,but when my older sister moved out and got a short haired cat I was allergic to it. If I used to visit her I would sneeze constantly, my eyes would swell up and stream, my mouth and throat would be sore and itchy. She would bring it with her when she came to stay at Christmas and I'd have the same symptoms, didn't stop her bringing it though & didn't stop me going to visit. My mother just used to hand me some aspirins & clean hankies neither did any good ??? I just had to put up and shut up. My other sister also had a short haired cat, but I wasn't allergic to it!