Taking in parcels for neighbours

Im waiting for a package today and have taken the responsibility to watch for the tracking and keep an eye on my cctv for the time frame advertised by the courier. I dont expect other people to take in my parcels and I dont offer to take in theirs. I dont want strangers banging on my door after 6pm when its dark and disturbing me.

If you think this is mean then consider all the elderly and/or mobility impaired people like me for whom getting to the door is an effort. If neighbours want to order stuff online and are working thats their problem. I am not here to service their choices or to act as a parcel depot.

Too many entitled people giving little thought tohow goods are going to get delivered to them when they waltz out to the office.

I am not always at home, living in two countries, but I have a lovely neighbour who takes in any parcels I have ordered and she either leaves it in my house or keeps it until I come home,occasionally I put her address on the parcel to save the postman calling to my house, it works very well.
Since the UK left the EU it costs a fortune for parcels to be delivered to this country, not mentioning the time the parcel is in the customs, therefore I have to wait until my next visit to collect anything I have ordered,its worth waiting for.

We live 400 yards away from our nearest neighbours and don’t know them at all. One day an unknown lady drove up to our house and ‘kidnapped’ my husband. He just got in her car and they disappeared. Some twenty minutes later I could hear a panting sound approaching up the hill…. There was my husband carrying a ladder that had been left with our neighbour.
The kind lady had tried all her near neighbours to find the addressee and we were the last resort. We had no idea our parcel had been left with anyone and luckily she went out of her way to locate us.

I suppose you could pop a bit of paper through their letterbox to say you have it and give a convenient time for them to collect. I probably depends on how well you know your neighbours.

My neighbour had almost daily deliveries even though she was at work. I was constantly disturbed by delivery drivers. One day I had a delivery when I was out but it was left on my doorstep and my neighbour did not take it in. Now I don't take any more of her parcels. She never even thanked me and was always asking for favours water her plants put her bin out. But never reciprocated. Now I keep my distance.

lemsip

Rosie51....always up the window then?

Bit of a snarky comment lemsip! Sometimes I've looked out to check they have gone back to put a card through the neighbours across the road as they can be difficult to catch in. You seem determined to say that nobody ever puts cards through the doors, despite so many saying they do. Are you constantly at your window to say they don't?

Agree Wellbeck

Hear, hear, welbeck

whether you meant it or not, if you write lurid scenarios about women in danger, and several women tell you to stop and that it is offensive, and instead you add another detail, then that does look like bad faith.
to say the least.
as for comparing yourself to slavery emancipators etc, for rowing against the tide of opinion;
well, delusions of grandeur, or breath-taking arrogance, come to mind.
why would a man want to come on to a 90% female forum, esp on a day like today/yesterday, and conjur up scenes of women being harassed by men.

Sorry, that was meant for ElderlyPerson

I tried to support you too, but you didn’t respond.

ElderlyPerson

MamaCaz

25Avalon

But nobody asked if the named recipient was happy to have their parcel delivered elsewhere. EP is not. He wants it delivered to him personally. This is what he has paid for. Why should he traipse everywhere to get his parcel? If he is in why isn’t it delivered directly to him. I can see his point. We don’t expect the postman to deliver our mail to someone else - it could be private and personal.

That's very true, and like you, I can perfectly understand EP's reasoning there.

That is something that he (?) needs to take up with the delivery companies, making it quite clear in his delivery instructions that his parcel must under no circumstances be left at another address, and that if it is, he will hold the delivery company responsible for retrieving it and delivering to the correct address.

Where, IMO, his views become unreasonable is in his attitude towards neighbours who kindly accept such a parcel when asked, and his assertion that they have then taken on the responsibility of 'completing' the delivery.
He doesn't seem to understand the concept of simple neighbourliness.

Nevertheless, I suspect that EP sees things (in general, not just this one issue) very much in black and white, with little or no overlap between.
I don't mean that unkindly in any way, and if that is the case, fair enough, we are all different and he is as entitled to his opinion as the rest of us.
However, it would also mean that no matter how hard we try, our opinions are not going to make one jot of difference ...

Yes, I am male.

> Where, IMO, his views become unreasonable is in his attitude towards neighbours who kindly accept such a parcel when asked, and his assertion that they have then taken on the responsibility of 'completing' the delivery.

The key phrase that you write is "hen asked".

If the parcel recipient has asked them to do that, then fine, collect it or they bring it round, as arranged. Yes, normally collect, but maybe they have meals to get and want to watch television so offer to bring it round when convenient for them, or maybe because the recipient is old and would have difficulty carrying it.

The issue being discussed is whether it is reasonable for people to take in a parcel when asked by a delivery driver with no knowledge of the views of the recipient and then expecting the recipient to come and ask them for the parcel rather than delivering it and feeling annoyed if the recipient does not do that.

So I don't agree with the majority, well that is how it is. Like people at the time who said slavery in Britain and its colonies was wrong, like women who got the idea that women should be allowed to vote, like people who thought women should be allowed to be members of the stock exchange.

He doesn't seem to understand the concept of simple neighbourliness.

EP, the first part of my post clearly supported you in your right not to want your parcels left with anyone else. That is not an unreasonable thing for you to ask.
Similarly, you would not be unreasonable to refuse to take in a parcel for a neighbour if asked by the delivery driver

I also offered a potential solution to your problem (as have other posters), one that might mean your wishes being respected, while allowing others to continue with a practice that suits them very well

You haven't commented on such any such suggestions - how do you feel about them? Have you tried them?

But look now how my attempt to draw attention to the potential dangers to people, particularly women, through the actions of some delivery drivers in handing a parcel to somebody else solely because they live nearby, is being regarded as me being in the wrong for doing so

I think your being in the wrong was in your irrelevant and inflammatory speculation as to the contents of the parcel.

Rosie51....always up the window then?

It appears that some people prefer that I do not post anymore in this thread, and perhaps in no other thread either. So I will not post anymore in this thread at least.

An AIBU thread was started. I expressed my genuinely held views, but they are not regarded as being acceptable.

Put like that it looks really bad of me.

Yes, I am aware of the news.

But that is how people do it, they ask for something harmless, then build up.

Like cases of men asking for a small loan of a few pounds and meticulously repaying it, then later asking for a bigger loan then disappearing.

The package may well have stickers on the outside identifying the product.

The only reason I am on Gransnet is because I searched on the web for anything about Tesco tray liners and a thread popped up.

I went to pottery classes years ago and the vast majority were women.

When I was out of work I went to a desktop publishing class, A female lecturer and all the other students female.

Nothing wron at all, I did not know who else would be there beforehand.

Yes somone did once suggest I was male, 78 and "no kids", none of which is wrong even if all together and 2 out of 3 were in fact correct, though I never use the word "kids" for children.

I honestly thought that scenario about the man with the logoed tee shirt and a parcel was made up by the person who posted it, I then thought it had been in a tv drama and then I later found out it was a true story.

That is honestly true. You only have my word for that and it appears that you may not believe me, but it is true.

There was a woman on the television some time ago saying that decent men could do more to help change the culture. But look now how my attempt to draw attention to the potential dangers to people, particularly women, through the actions of some delivery drivers in handing a parcel to somebody else solely because they live nearby, is being regarded as me being in the wrong for doing so.

nadateturbe

*EP*s comments have made this a very unpleasant thread unfortunately.
It would be good if no further comments could be added imo.

✔️✔️✔️

Some women are very wary about all men because they do not know who are the bad ones, and that is a very sensible precautionary attitude.

No, it isn't, the number of bad apples is very small compared with those who are perfectly normal and wouldn't dream of attacking or intimidating any woman.

The Taliban have a very similar attitude to you, women are always at risk (and a permanent temptation to men), so bundle them up under layers of clothes so no one can see what is underneath and as an extra precaution do not let them out of the house without a male protector.

A less emotive comparison, is that if you leave your house, you could be involved in a traffic accident, so never leave the house in case that happens.

A basic life skill from the start of time is an understanding that life is full of risks. Humankind could not exist if its earliest members hadn't done this in order to get sustenance to eat. A sign of maturity and wisdom is an understanding that risk is ineveitable in life and that we have to learn how to manage risk. One of those ways is understanding probability and being able to assess the probabilities of different scenarios.

If I leave my house, do not look where I am going and ignore any traffic signs or the presence of traffic, then I am unlikely to survive any but the shortest journey. If, when I go out I look about me, check for traffic before crossing roads, notice uneveness in the pavement and generally stay alert, then I reduce the level of risk and go about ,my business.

EPs comments have made this a very unpleasant thread unfortunately.
It would be good if no further comments could be added imo.

MayBeMaw

Germanshepherdsmum

ElderlyPerson

welbeck

Zoejory

He might try to take the line that because he took in the parcel she owes him a favour. The delivery driver has caused trouble for her.

I think that anyone who can come out with your strange scenarios should stick to keeping them in your head.

i think i agree.
i found EP's original scenario borderline offensive.
this continues in a similar strain.
i don't know if you are trying to wind us up EP, or what, but i don't find it amusing. esp in the current climate of news.
you may have a different view about deliveries, and numerous people have tried to explain what is the majority view.
but you don't seem interested at all in seeing what others are saying. you don't seem to want to enlarge your ideas.
that's up to you of course.
but i wonder what the point is.

It was not meant to be offensive at all. It was intended as a realistic scenario of what could happen. How a woman could be put in a worrying and potentially dangerous situation through no fault of her own but by the recklessness of the delivery driver.

I am definitely not trying to wind anyone up.

At some later time he could try to get involved with her by asking her to do some shopping for him, and if she expreses reluctance say "Well I took that parcel in for you - so surely you could do me a favour in return".

You are correct it is not amusing. And if the sweeping under the carpet with an "everything's fine" attitude and often presuming that the woman had invited it in some way and the blame the victim and "boys will be boys ha ha" attitudes that prevailed for years had not existed then maybe things would be better today than they are.

Please note how I am being blamed for expressing concern about how a woman may feel, as if it is me that is wrong.

You are in the wrong EP. Very much so. Don’t pretend you don’t know that. You put forward a scenario about mis-delivery of a lady’s underwear to an unsavoury man (why underwear?) and then perpetuated it by imagining he might tell her she owed him a favour. We all know what favour you were hinting at and you then attempted to row back by suggesting shopping. This is unpleasant reading anywhere but especially on GN. You must know that the murder of Sarah Everard and the sentencing of the police officer who killed her was headline news yesterday, which made your posts even more unpleasant to read. You then asked me for details of the tv programme featuring a man posing as an Amazon driver which had been mentioned, and when you received no response, as I was somewhat unsettled by your interest in it, you actually started a thread asking for details, making it clear you wanted to watch it. You received the response you wanted from another poster. We don’t need a man making posts of this kind here. It begs the question as to why a man would be so active on a forum populated almost entirely by women.

Thank you Germanshepherdsum - you have expressed my own feelings much better than I could.

Thank you Zoejory, MayBeMaw, Germanshepherdmum and welbeck. I could not agree more. This has to stop.

MayBeMaw

welbeck

Zoejory

He might try to take the line that because he took in the parcel she owes him a favour. The delivery driver has caused trouble for her.

I think that anyone who can come out with your strange scenarios should stick to keeping them in your head.

i think i agree.
i found EP's original scenario borderline offensive.
this continues in a similar strain.
i don't know if you are trying to wind us up EP, or what, but i don't find it amusing. esp in the current climate of news.
you may have a different view about deliveries, and numerous people have tried to explain what is the majority view.
but you don't seem interested at all in seeing what others are saying. you don't seem to want to enlarge your ideas.
that's up to you of course.
but i wonder what the point is.

Not merely “borderline”, welbeck, zoejory and others - as you are not the only ones to have commented on this unsavoury fantasy. Particularly as you say welbeck in the current climate of news and in the light of the other threads on violence against women. It is as I said an indication that even on a forum like GN there exist attitudes we should condemn at the outset.
Yes, there is much re re-education necessary - starting right here.
I do not wish to engage further with anybody who seeks to propagate this sort of idea and who continues to undermine the tenets of good neighbourliness which most of us are happy to live by.

> most

Exactly. Like the woman on the television said some time ago, most men are not a danger to women, it is just that one cannot tell which are the few that are dangerous.

The delivery drivers who leave parcels at another address without the permission of the recipient are constructively presuming that the person is honest and good, which in most cases they will be, but not ecery case.

The false illogical presumption that many people have that because they are themselves decent, fair-minded, honest, neighbourly and safe implies that everybody else is too is simply wrong.

Some women are very wary about all men because they do not know who are the bad ones, and that is a very sensible precautionary attitude.

Germanshepherdsmum

ElderlyPerson

welbeck

Zoejory

He might try to take the line that because he took in the parcel she owes him a favour. The delivery driver has caused trouble for her.

I think that anyone who can come out with your strange scenarios should stick to keeping them in your head.

i think i agree.
i found EP's original scenario borderline offensive.
this continues in a similar strain.
i don't know if you are trying to wind us up EP, or what, but i don't find it amusing. esp in the current climate of news.
you may have a different view about deliveries, and numerous people have tried to explain what is the majority view.
but you don't seem interested at all in seeing what others are saying. you don't seem to want to enlarge your ideas.
that's up to you of course.
but i wonder what the point is.

It was not meant to be offensive at all. It was intended as a realistic scenario of what could happen. How a woman could be put in a worrying and potentially dangerous situation through no fault of her own but by the recklessness of the delivery driver.

I am definitely not trying to wind anyone up.

At some later time he could try to get involved with her by asking her to do some shopping for him, and if she expreses reluctance say "Well I took that parcel in for you - so surely you could do me a favour in return".

You are correct it is not amusing. And if the sweeping under the carpet with an "everything's fine" attitude and often presuming that the woman had invited it in some way and the blame the victim and "boys will be boys ha ha" attitudes that prevailed for years had not existed then maybe things would be better today than they are.

Please note how I am being blamed for expressing concern about how a woman may feel, as if it is me that is wrong.

You are in the wrong EP. Very much so. Don’t pretend you don’t know that. You put forward a scenario about mis-delivery of a lady’s underwear to an unsavoury man (why underwear?) and then perpetuated it by imagining he might tell her she owed him a favour. We all know what favour you were hinting at and you then attempted to row back by suggesting shopping. This is unpleasant reading anywhere but especially on GN. You must know that the murder of Sarah Everard and the sentencing of the police officer who killed her was headline news yesterday, which made your posts even more unpleasant to read. You then asked me for details of the tv programme featuring a man posing as an Amazon driver which had been mentioned, and when you received no response, as I was somewhat unsettled by your interest in it, you actually started a thread asking for details, making it clear you wanted to watch it. You received the response you wanted from another poster. We don’t need a man making posts of this kind here. It begs the question as to why a man would be so active on a forum populated almost entirely by women.

Thank you Germanshepherdsum - you have expressed my own feelings much better than I could.

ElderlyPerson

welbeck

Zoejory

He might try to take the line that because he took in the parcel she owes him a favour. The delivery driver has caused trouble for her.

I think that anyone who can come out with your strange scenarios should stick to keeping them in your head.

i think i agree.
i found EP's original scenario borderline offensive.
this continues in a similar strain.
i don't know if you are trying to wind us up EP, or what, but i don't find it amusing. esp in the current climate of news.
you may have a different view about deliveries, and numerous people have tried to explain what is the majority view.
but you don't seem interested at all in seeing what others are saying. you don't seem to want to enlarge your ideas.
that's up to you of course.
but i wonder what the point is.

It was not meant to be offensive at all. It was intended as a realistic scenario of what could happen. How a woman could be put in a worrying and potentially dangerous situation through no fault of her own but by the recklessness of the delivery driver.

I am definitely not trying to wind anyone up.

At some later time he could try to get involved with her by asking her to do some shopping for him, and if she expreses reluctance say "Well I took that parcel in for you - so surely you could do me a favour in return".

You are correct it is not amusing. And if the sweeping under the carpet with an "everything's fine" attitude and often presuming that the woman had invited it in some way and the blame the victim and "boys will be boys ha ha" attitudes that prevailed for years had not existed then maybe things would be better today than they are.

Please note how I am being blamed for expressing concern about how a woman may feel, as if it is me that is wrong.

You are in the wrong EP. Very much so. Don’t pretend you don’t know that. You put forward a scenario about mis-delivery of a lady’s underwear to an unsavoury man (why underwear?) and then perpetuated it by imagining he might tell her she owed him a favour. We all know what favour you were hinting at and you then attempted to row back by suggesting shopping. This is unpleasant reading anywhere but especially on GN. You must know that the murder of Sarah Everard and the sentencing of the police officer who killed her was headline news yesterday, which made your posts even more unpleasant to read. You then asked me for details of the tv programme featuring a man posing as an Amazon driver which had been mentioned, and when you received no response, as I was somewhat unsettled by your interest in it, you actually started a thread asking for details, making it clear you wanted to watch it. You received the response you wanted from another poster. We don’t need a man making posts of this kind here. It begs the question as to why a man would be so active on a forum populated almost entirely by women.

When you order something that will be delivered to you, the form invariably contains a box asking for any special instructions for the delivery. All EP need do is write in that box. 'Delivery to specifed address only. Do not leave with neighbours' Problem solved.

Most companies will make 2 attempts to deliver and then you have to collect it from the delivery depot, that can 50 or 60 miles away, or they return the parcel to the company that sent it. Alternatively EP could use Click & Collect.

When you buy a product, which is being sent to you, the person sending it to you will tell you the terms and conditions governing dispatching the goods to you and you usually click a box to say you accept them.

We cannot dictate that everyone does everything exactly the way each individual wants it done. There have to be generally accepted rules that govern large areas of our lives.

What EP should do is study the terms and conditions governing dispatch given by the seller. Fill in the box where he can let them know any special details for delivery to him. In his case, presumably, that parcels should be delivered directly to him and never left with a neighbour - and his needs are met. If his instructions are not followed, he then complains to the courier or supplier as seems appropriate.

Those of us who are more flexible can continue to be happy seeing our goods delivered to a neighbour or taking in neighbour's parcels, while not being too bothered as to who is responsible for conveying parcels from one house to the other later.

lemsip I have to say delivery drivers around here DO put cards through the door. I've watched from my window and seen them go back across the road to a neighbour's front door. Sometimes neighbours knock for their parcel holding the advice in their hands, especially if it's someone from a more distant house who doesn't know me well. I'm sure there are occasional ones who don't but it would be rare by my experience.