MAKING ARRANGEMENTS AND COMING UP WITH IDEAS

I think a lot of husbands like to leave holidays and day's out for the wife to sort out. Mine did arrange a surprise holiday to Italy for my birthday a couple of years ago with the help of my daughter. It was wonderful.

Surely everyone likes to feel cherished and spoilt occasionally with a surprise in whatever form that might take.
Nice if you can get it .....but if he’s a good bloke accept that’s his Achilles heel as I m sure you probably have traits that maybe get on his nerves ??
Be happy you ve got a good man and appreciate him warts and all

Yangste1007

It is exhausting. You hit the nail on the head. If I say you decide, he usually comes up with something we've already done a million times. If I don't bring up the subject of going on holiday, we would never go anywhere. Don't get me wrong, he's alway very willing to let me take the lead on everything but sometimes I really wish someone else could make a decision for once.

In that case it's an easy solution. Close your eyes and stick a pin in the map. Let serendipity take the load off both of you. You can't force an original idea into someone else's brain - this is a skill you either develop or fail to develop in childhood!

I do empathise with you. It’s such a frustrating situation for you to be in. Perhaps one way to look at it is to think that at least he goes along with things, although that doesn’t seem very helpful.
I have a friend like this, to be honest. In the 30 years I’ve known her, she has only suggested doing something once. She always left all the organisation to me. It’s always me who initiates contact these days, too She got married recently, at 50, never having been in a relationship. Her husband is very controlling, so the situation suits both of them. I really don’t know why I’ve stuck with her over the years, as she gives off such off such negative energy. It would be much simpler for me to walk away than you, sadly.

Lets take it the other way. My H organised every holiday and never once asked whether there was any where I would like to spend time. If I suggested any where, simply shrugged off and arrangements made for the same place he had been going for almost 40 years. Yes, I did like the place but that was not the point. Finally, I said to him "I am going to Australia to visit my B, I would like you to come but if you would rather not that's also fine, I will go alone. Arrangements made and flights booked. Then discovered he regularly complained to a neighbour about the amount of money being spent on the trip. Strange to say, after our return and 8 weeks loving every moment he suggested another Australia trip. Sadly, not to be he was too ill.

My DH is the same. So annoying. For my 60th he asked if I'd like to go to Brugge. Oh yes please I replied. Ok well you decide when you want to go, book it and I'll pay the bill he said!
I organise all the household bills, boiler servicing,etc otherwise nothing would get done!

If you always organise and plan your entertainment maybe he feels he doesn’t need to bother. Perhaps there’s another thread on here somewhere saying ‘my wife always organises our holidays etc. She clearly loves doing it after all these years so I don’t want to spoil her fun by suggesting something myself’ !??

Haha - been there, done that, got the T-shirt and sold it on eBay ? Mine will never change but he does do all finances, cooking, heavy gardening etc and never complains ?

My ex was the sort who never wanted to just spend a day at home, or do some DIY. If he wasn't working we had to be off doing something. It was exhausting but he at least mostly made the decisions and did the booking etc. Everything had to satisfy his needs for certain activities. If I wanted to visit my family in the North of England I'd have to suggest a holiday in the Lake District or Scotland (for him) so we could stop off and see them on the way. I'm certainly happier by myself as I can do what I want now. Sometimes I miss having someone to do things with but it is more than made up for by it being my own choice. I realise now that he was a bit controlling, though I didn't realise it at the time!
Having just retired I was hoping to start being brave enough to go away on single person holidays but covid has put a stop to that. Hopefully that will come back in time. Meanwhile staying home and just doing things there suits me fine. I do wonder how my ex copes now as I get the impression he hardly goes out since lockdown!

Sounds like my husband and I really feel for you, I get quite resentful myself at times so I really get where you are coming from.

I sympathise, my husband is the same, he doesn't like socialising at all let alone go on holiday or go out for a meal, I respect that it's his choice but what about me!

Mine does know where he wants to go next in the UK but it's all on hold pro tem.
He would say " you choose a hotel, if I choose one it'll be wrong" and, in that, he'd be right.

Sounds just like my husband, Yangste1007. I have to make all the suggestions as to where we go, otherwise we wouldn't go anywhere. However, once he's agreed to visit wherever I suggest and I've done my research on where to stay, as in resort, hotel etc., he then starts pulling my choices to pieces and trying to find somewhere different, I'm sure it's just so he can say it was his decision . He books the parking because I refuse - there will always be something not up to his expectations if I go ahead and do it myself. Once on holiday, he starts arranging our days, wanting to go here, there and everywhere so I need another holiday to get over it and have a rest! Men

Mine is exactly the same, as he's got older he hasn't got an original thought in his head - about anything!

He always waits to see what I order in a restaurant and when we go out with friends he will always order the same beer as his friend. It drives me absolutely potty.

If I ask where would he like to go on holiday he will always come up with somewhere we went donkeys years ago - even places we went camping in our early 20's when we had young children and very little money!

It drives me mad but as many previous posters have said, at least I get to choose where we go and also, I don't have to keep trying to recapture the past!

I always had the same problem. Note the past tense.

I am the planner in our household,I love doing it,on the odd occasion my Husband has done the planning, things havent quite worked out as planned, however he is an expert on planning where we go in our motor home, too much so sometimes,he doesnt give me a chance to choose anywhere.

I’ve a husband like yours...... I got exhausted and fed up...... I said I wasn’t gonna do it anymore! That’s was 13 years ago. Bottom line ..... we haven’t had a holiday... we haven’t eaten lunch outside the house.....we haven’t been out for dinner together..... we haven’t so much as drunk a cup of coffee at a roadside cafe!! I say this only because you need to make up your mind to the fact he’s just not interested OR interesting enough to do anything. Ball in your court. I stayed.... and sorry I did!

My hubby is happy for me decide most things, but he does offer to take me out, regularly buys me jewellery, sometimes asks if I would like flowers, and daily tells me that he loves me - so I'm pretty happy, despite the daily "what are we having for dinner/supper" , when at home, and on Holiday (which we rarely do now) it's always "what do you want to do today?" If I say "what do you want?" he'll say that he's happy with whatever I decide, or in respect of food choices "surprise me!" The good outweighs the irritating, in my book!

I realise I am like this chap...my hubby sorts everything out...I now feel guilty - I must ask him how it makes him feel....perhaps your hubby is like me, and not malicious but has just never thought about it!

..... Rolypoly 55..... go on your own or with a good friend . I won’t stay in watching my husband watch daytime tv..... I’m not dead yet!!

TheMightyChewy
Yes I have looked at them, but not sure they
haven’t many balcony ships,I am slightly claustrophobic so can’t go in a cabin where I can’t open the window/door to outside.
I have mentioned Fred Olsen to the master I will most likely succeed little by little while he won’t organise a holiday,I don’t just book one without making sure he’s happy with it.
He tells everyone that I am his administration department lol.

I organise 2 holidays a year and invite husband to come along if he wishes. He organises one holiday a year with the Ramblers. This year I got both my holidays and he came on one. His ramblers got cancelled due to Covid. Once on a Saga holiday I booked me and then told him what a pity he wasn't coming as the single supplement was almost half the holiday price. Finally he joined my booking and came with me.

Yes, another one here.
I organise everything.
He is usually happy to go along with most of my suggestions, but I get a bit fed up of organising everything.

It would be so nice to have a surprise of some sort occasionally. Just to feel a little spoilt now and again.

I think it’s a man thing. ‘It’s called being Lazy!.

Snap, Same here.
I've given up. If I want to do something I do it - with or without him

Same here; my late DH was just the same. I loved him to bits and miss him dreadfully, but everything was left to me, (including finances, he didn't have a clue). At least I got to choose what to do, where to go, and generally got my own way. He was happy to go along with anything I suggested, thankfully.

He did have his moments though; he booked a surprise trip to Paris for my 50th, including luxury room in airport hotel and business class tickets! He also organised for the DC to stay with friends and relations.

And he also suggested Canada for what was to be sadly our last holiday together, did we but know it, (whereas I was thinking of the Med).

And surprised me with diamond ear-rings for Mothers Day one year.

Used to think I was the only one who had to organise everything, so I've enjoyed reading all the comments!