Mum taken into hospital

MrsRochester. No truer word said. We are all very different. My mum is the kindest person I know and a born carer. I am not the same, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for her, but I wouldn’t enjoy some of it as I have anxiety centred around illness. I have been a carer now for 35 years, been to A and E so many times it’s now turned into a phobia and causes panic attacks, also the phone ringing through the night has the same effect although I would never tell her. But it does show you shouldn’t judge.

I agree MrsRochester, caring for and bringing up a child is completely different from caring for an elderly person with mobility issues.

For a start, if she has a fall Katyj should not try to lift her on her own. Also, she shouldn't really be left on her own if she's having falls, especially at night. Katyj has other calls on her time and to be expected to drop everything and move in with mum is a bit much. She needs a care plan in place BEFORE she leaves hospital and perhaps it's time to sew the seeds of her moving into sheltered accommodation?

Sow!

It’s easy to be judgemental until you’ve been in such a position. My mum is 96 this month, lives 18 miles from me, refuses to go into a home, is wheelchair bound since a bad fall downstairs some years ago and has carers 4 times a day. She is dependent on controlled drugs for severe arthritic pain, is confused and can be incredibly demanding.

My OH and I are no spring chickens and have had to deal with her frequent medical crises for the last 8 years, plus her house maintenance. It’s no walk in the park believe me, before anyone decides what children should be doing for their parents. Until you walk a mile in their shoes.........

I have every sympathy for those who cannot take this on board.

A good post MrsRochester.

I do agree that the hospital should be sorting out her BP meds before sending her home to run the risk of a further fall or a stroke. They have her there on tap and can monitor the effect of the drugs. If they are changed by GP when she is home she runs the risk that they might have adverse effects (especially giddiness) and she would be at greater risk.

If she goes to a residential home as an interim measure they are likely to keep her isolated in her room for at least 14 days.

Yes I agree Luckgirl that’s what I am hoping for. The Dr wanted me to get her GP to administer stronger bp meds today ! how I don’t know ,then look after her until they began working, whilst in the meantime she could have suffered a stroke or heart attack or both. Poor mum.

katyj difficulty for you but I think you made the right decision

Greeneyedgirl. That’s the trouble we’re not spring chickens either. I have 3 years to work before I can have my pension 6 more years than I expected, plus trying to look after mum and grandchildren, it’s not easy. Sounds like you have your hands very full. Take care.

Thank you May. It sometimes feels like i’m playing god. But I’m doing what I thought was best and will continue to do so.

Don't let the hospital bully you into taking her home. She is the medical professionals problem not yours. Incidentally don't believe people when they tell you hospitals are hotbeds of Covid infection. They are not.

Katyj I have a friend - elderly mother had a fall and received a cut, doctor wouldn’t come out - said call 111. non-emergency ambulance arrived but Paramedics decided to take her into hospital because of low blood sugar - friend couldn’t go with her because of COVID - mother anxious because of separation - friend received phone call to say mother had a stroke and died ... never got to say goodbye, and has to cope with the guilt of calling 111 when she could have managed the cut herself and probably averted the stroke - I certainly wouldn’t any member of my family in hospital right now.

My mother lived happily and independently at 88, no medication or obvious health problems other than coeliac disease.
She'd been feeling unwell and called an ambulance in the middle of the night, they took her in. I was called and drove for two hours only to find that they were planning to discharge her then and there.
Obviously I took her myself as they said that otherwise they would send her home by taxi to an empty house in the middle of the night.
I took her to the GP next day, she had her admitted and she died there two weeks later. She had advanced cancer.
I suspect that they often try to discharge older people even if they are very unwell.

I hope that euthenasia soon becomes legal... for me at any rate. it is only my cat that keeps me going

Polnan: I’m so sorry to hear you are feeling so low! Also glad that you have a cat who gives you something to live for. Don’t forget you can always talk to us Gransnetters if you need a friend. You sound extremely depressed. Perhaps you could call The Silver Line or the Samaritans, who might be able to help.

I’ve been caring for my stroke victim husband for 25 years ...we’ve been married 48..... the stress is intolerable , but he won’t consider outside agency help or a home......and just thinks it’s ‘my job’ I’m now at the end of a very long tether.... I also worked 6 hours a day up Til four years ago as he won’t claim any benefit and wouldn’t sign any form to allow me to claim any monetary help....dont be bullied into this ‘caring’ role. We none of us has the training or the ability to keep this up long term like I’ve done.....it’s broken my health, and the resentment I feel is indescribable!!

I am afraid the paramedics are having to deal with many call outs because GPs are not doing house calls. This has certainly been so in my mother’s case, when a doctor could have treated her (on more than one occasion) without her having a trip to A&E for assessment then immediate discharge. Very upsetting for her, and tying up an ambulance for real emergencies.

I think you made the right decision. From past experience with my late mother who was discharged into my care with a broken shoulder one side & broken arm on the other, the next time I insisted on her being seen by an occupational therapist to assess her mobility and needs. Needless to say, she was then able to remain in hospital for a few days.
I think your mum would benefit from 2 care calls daily. The evening one could sort out her evening meal etc.
It's a very difficult situation especially with Covid. Even having carers 'in' is a worry.
Be strong when you next visit her. At the least, the hospital needs to assess her medication.
I feel for you and truly hope you can sort everything out.
I'm sure she has one of the call alarm buttons. Make sure she wears it!
Good Luck

I’m not sure I understand your point. Her blood pressure would be a lot lower in her own home than in hospital. Bring her home where she is less at risk of infection and ring her GP in the morning.

Why not get her a life line button? They are fantastic. She could have a pendant or a wrist on, if she falls she pushes it and it alerts an office who will then deal with the problem and ring you to let you know

I think the hospital should be starting her on new B/P meds and sending her home with a script after a few days. It seems incredible they think its the GP's job!

Saggi this is an intolerable situation, and one no one can understand, unless they have been in this position. Have you tried to seek help from outside agencies, such as social services?

It may help if a social worker talks to you both, whether your husband wants to or not, and is able to explain the options which are available. You cannot go on like this.

Katyj we had nearly the same situation in my husband's family. His mum had a series of TIAs and was sent home too early. We had to move in with her as she was a different person to the woman who went in.
Since then, loads of things have gone wrong and although she's improved to the extent that we can move out and are back at home (15 mins away), we are back and forth all the time. She has two lots of help but it's still stressful as we are constantly waiting for another crisis.

As we were both working when she came out, my husband took an offered redundancy package. It will affect his pension but I don't believe we could have done what she needs if he hadn't done this.

The medics won't speak to us unless she gives permission. She thinks it's "unnecessary to bother us" so everything we get is second hand.

In fact, she is independent minded and wants to be in control of all her medical stuff (which is great) except she can't process it properly anymore and spends hours worrying about it, trying to unscramble it with us, and generally forgetting who she's told what. If the doctors would give an appointment time my husband could arrange to be there but she doesn't want him there all day.

I'd say, based on our experience, make sure she is stable before she comes home. She will say she feels better, but won't understand the stress it puts on both you, Katyj and, through lack of proper communication, potentially her own recovery.

You are not being unreasonable, sounds like she needs more tests.

Saggi

I’ve been caring for my stroke victim husband for 25 years ...we’ve been married 48..... the stress is intolerable , but he won’t consider outside agency help or a home......and just thinks it’s ‘my job’ I’m now at the end of a very long tether.... I also worked 6 hours a day up Til four years ago as he won’t claim any benefit and wouldn’t sign any form to allow me to claim any monetary help....dont be bullied into this ‘caring’ role. We none of us has the training or the ability to keep this up long term like I’ve done.....it’s broken my health, and the resentment I feel is indescribable!!

That is incredible, so many benefits you could have received in that time, some of which are now no longer available to you upon your retirement.
But anyway, don't be bullied like this and do seek advice from social services or CAB. He's keeping you tied to him like a slave. Have you no family who might act as advocates on your behalf?
You will be of no use to him if your health fails. Time to take action, you must stand up for yourself.