Phones etc and manners

Edith B my husband is exactly the same I sympathise. He does play football still with his ‘pensioner’ team, but Monday through Saturday he is watching Only Fools whilst playing on his phone. It used to drive my sons nuts when they lived here. Another generation but they weren’t that interested in their smartphones but rather IRL experiences. Now they are gone and I’m left with a screen zombie.

Suzan05

My husband is the same with his iPad. He’s on it from the minute he gets up to the minute he goes to bed. No conversation and very often he ignores me if I try to start one or mention something to him. On rare occasions he answers but still with his head in the iPad. It’s hurtful and I’m left feeling lonely and of no worth.
On occasion he has complained that I haven’t told him something, when I say that I did but his head was in his iPad he refuses to speak.
If the tv is on during the evening he sits in front of it still on the iPad, I really don’t know what to do or how to cope with it any more.
This has caused so many rows that now we live pretty much in silence and in separate rooms He also spends time on the main computer which is his so I have no access to it. All of this started nearly four years ago, I don’t think he will change now as we are both mid to late sixties.

My husband is exactly the same, on his computer the instant he gets downstairs and pretty on it the rest of the day apart from having a meal, when he stares at ancient tv shows like Last of the Summer Wine. He won’t come out for a walk with me so he groans like an old man when he has to move himself. I worry about his fitness and told him I won’t be pushing his wheelchair when he can no longer walk due to his inaction. His 95 year old father is more active!

With my husband it’s not ‘ the phone’..... but has always been the tv.... it is an addiction. He watches junk from getting up ( about 8) ‘til about 1 am. If you try and have a serious talk about his addiction he tells me to “stick my nose into someone else’s business”. Believe me his TV addiction has ruined the last 20 years of our marriage. Now he won’t go out at all. An addiction is an addiction, no matter what form it takes.bI now don’t speak to him at all, and that’s what you need to do with your partner.... ignore him, the way he ignores you!

@Kim19 My thoughts exactly. The mobile phone is a mixed blessing and is for some people an addiction. Why anyone could be expected to put up with such rudeness is beyond me. As to treating one's wife with such lack of consideration - ignorant and ill mannered are the words that come to mind. Just tell him so!

My partner does the same. I'm thinking of getting rid of him. It's so rude!!

Is it possible that there is something about your subject/tone of voice/ body language that turns him off? Are you by any chance taking the superior role here? Thats sulky teenager bebaviourvId say and the only way out is to moderate yourself. Tw if anyone took my ohone away in the manner suggested by other correspondents I'd walk away. Maybe run.

I was out for a walk and lunch with a friend I don't see very often. As we left the cafe to walk home her daughter rang her. She said she was out with me but then proceeded to talk to her for the whole way home. It was only chit chat that could have been left for later. I walked home next to her in silence, the call ended as we got back to her car. No apology or explanation that it was important.

sounds like we're married to the same man
so annoying and nothing we can do really
I put the radio sometimes and he will take himslf off to another room

Hadn't really thought of it as more than an irritation/rudeness but reading here makes me agree that it is indeed an addiction. A rather unhealthy one at that. I was having difficulty accessing a zoom business meeting. When I eventually got in the chair said she'd been trying to phone me. When I responded that I disconnect my landline and mobile during meetings to prevent distraction the faces of the committee were an absolute picture of disbelief. I did use the opportunity to rub in how rude I thought it was in general. Uncomfortable silence and then the meeting proceeded and..... yes...... phones did ring. Stony ground indeed.

Sarnia

I feel annoyed when I see a customer using their phone when they are being served by an assistant or cashier. I would be tempted to sit there until they had either finished their chat or got the message that I wasn't impressed before serving them.

I used to work on the counter in a bank. If I was in the middle of serving someone and their phone went and they answered it, ignoring me, I stopped whatever I was doing for them, and started tidying the money in my till.

When they realised and finished their call, I made them wait while I finished what I was doing, then turned to them with a smile and said, “Now where were we?”

I was getting close to retirement, I had always put the customer first, but felt, ‘s.d it, they can see what it’s like to be ignored’.

On the rare occasions that hubby's brother visits he does the same. He will sit down and ramble on and on and complain about everything, then when we try to say anything he changes the subject and picks his phone up. When he's said his piece he leaves with no interaction whatsoever, it's so rude.

It’s rude. My husband snaps at me if my phone pings with a message yet he will
Listen to things on Facebook with the sound up! Sick of saying use your ear phones. Devices are taking over our world ?

My daughter is always checking her phone. Admittedly she is self employed and it is often for work, otherwise she will just put it down and ignore it. Yesterday we actually spent an hour together when she was sitting down chatting to me and hardly used her phone at all - miracle.
DH does not use his much to initiate activity but checks every text or message that comes in and it takes priority over everything else. I hate it when he does that when I am talking to him, or when he is eating a meal.

Social media is addictive.... Many many people suffer from it and don't even know how ratty they get when they can't have their fix. It's a phenomena

I'm in a WhatsApp group with my craft friends and get a quiet ”ding” when someone posts something. If I'm doing something I tend to ignore it but my husband will get quite agitated that I'm not looking to see what's been said.

It's usually a picture of a recent craft make so not time-conscious! I do catch up in longer sessions just not every single notification!

It is rude - I loathe the way mobile phones take over - I have told my daughter and son and my grandchildren that it is rude to do something else when someone is having a conversation with you but it seems to be socially acceptable these days.

It’s rude - stop talking........or say “Oh goodness what’s happened - is there a problem?” - I tried that with my DH and when the answer was “no” I asked if I might be given as much time as the phone gets.
A funny and I apologise if it causes offence: friend of mine was out for meal with son (age about 30) she put her phone on the table son said “mum put your phone away - it’s like me sitting with my out”!!! It’s become the way to get the message across in our family now!!

Then do it...don't talk about it. Just end conversation and walk away. Do it every time and I mean every time.

I must admit i’ve been using my phone much more now that I’m on Gransnet! I do think it’s rude, though, to give preference to your phone when you’re in the company of someone else. Unless it’s a phone call you have to take - leave the phone alone! It’s become like a life support system to some people and it’s ignorant behaviour.

I managed to leave my phone at home when I went away for two weeks. I hardly missed it at all!

Esspee is so right, it is addictive behaviour just as alcohol, gambling, drugs. Just as I am on it now!
I agree with others, when he picks up the phone just walk away.
I have done it, just stopped the conversation abruptly when they answer the phone, and when they ask, “oh, what were you saying?” I just replied, “oh, I can’t remember. Couldn’t have been very interesting anyway”. They may not show it, but they do get the message.

After 40 years of often being ignored by my husband when I speak to him, ( he just gets so absorbed in what he’s doing, it’s not deliberate), I can finally get my own back because I found GN!?.

I was in a art gallery coffee shop having hurried lunch by myself and throughly enjoying my own company and eating my toasted ciabatta when my phone rang..I knew it would be my daughter hassling me to hurry up and anyone else even less important and happily ignored. And then a man from another table came over to tell me my phone was ringing. what a cheek. It's like you are not allowed to ignore. I just said. I know. He just looked at me as if I was madly selfish. weird isn't it. I remember first being annoyed by this when I used to give someone a lift and they sat next to me in the car on their phone texting etc. Really rude. Should at least excuse themselves and then give attentive company if needed on the drive.
So OP when he does that just say RUDE and walk away. Some people. Of course one's phone is often more entertaining than present company but it is very bad manners to make that obvious.
When I am on a dog walk with my daughter and either of us get out our phone we get an earful. And if necessary to use it will explain...you know roofer calling that kind of thing. We have both noticed that her husband always calls when we are on a walk...he's a bit competitive and if I ring when she is with husband she tells me immediately and I get off. OR she puts it on loudspeaker in the car. Which is sometime really good idea.
Anyway good manners is to make another feel comfortable and your hubby is definitely not doing that.

grandtanteJE65

We are many who find this kind of behaviour very rude, but we never hear the other point of view.

It is as if those who check their phones constantly have given up trying to explain why they do so.

It would be interesting to hear their reasoning.

I'd heard somewhere about FOMO: 'Fear of Missing Out' - as one explanation of why so many young people are apparently addicted to constantly checking their mobiles. I recently discussed this with a 19 year old who said she had recognized she had this addiction and had cut down on her dependency. We chatted about her career plans and her current job as well for quite some time. We were out having lunch with her parents at the time who were old friends of mine. As soon as the focus was no longer wholly on her, however, she got out her mobile and spent the rest of the time on it....

I have a mobile phone which I haven't used in the last eighteen months. My children always ask why I don't use it. I tell them they are taking over peoples lives and I like the face to face conversations or the landline. I don't want to be disturbed when I am out and about.