I just wanted my friends there.

I lost my husband in August last year so know exactly how you feel. The last thing you want is a reminder that you’ve lost your partner and I’m surprised how tactless your friends are in not realising this.
I would tell them how you feel and if they are good friends they will totally understand. If they don’t they aren’t.

What a good ending, even greater valued friendships & greater support .

I’m glad you had a good walk and feel better for it. Well done for not cancelling after all

^ Hear, hear! And since it went well, please do it again. Just make sure (as PPs have suggested) you are very clear about the company. My friends' DH's are lovely, but I could never cry in front of them if I needed to...

I’m glad you had a good walk and feel better for it. Well done for not cancelling after all.

I’m so glad you had a good walk with your friend

If they are such good friends why can you not just be honest with them and explain how you are feeling? I certainly would.
I amso sorry for your loss.

Your friends seem willing to be there for you. It may not quite be quite what you were expecting but it might turn out fine.
Maybe better to spend some time with your friends than not at all?

I'm glad it worked out well musmski.

Thank you for letting us know how it went mumski.
I'm glad it went well, even if it wasn't how you expected it to be.

I would be inclined to say that I was feeling a bit fragile today and could not face spending the day with two couples. I would also say that I would not be very good company but would love to re-arrange just to have a girlie lunch or wine and sandwiches in the garden when the weather picks up. If one of them pushes for her husband to come again, you could just say that maybe he and the other husband could do men's stuff together while you girls have a proper catch-up. It really is not the same and totally changes the dynamic if husbands are included.

Fabulous Mumski Glad it all resolved without you having to fall out with anyone or stress. Sometimes people are just thoughtless without meaning to be.

Thank you everyone for your lovely and supportive replies.
So in a way the situation resolved itself, My friend who originally was bring her husband went to queue up to get her hair cut and still hadn't reached the top of the queue when we were due to meet - each to their own!.
In the meantime my other friends partner said they would be quite happy to stay at home and watch the football.
So we went for our walk and had a good talk and catch up. She was also able to tell me some sad news happening in her life. which wouldn't have been possible if all the partners had been there.
I realise bereavement has robbed me of my courage on so many levels. We agreed we need to be more clear about what we want in future - it's always just been the 3 of us meeting up.
I'm very glad I went as it meant I could give her support too.
Thank you again everyone.

Sadly your friends have been thoughtless - ring them and explain and hopefully they will understand and leave partners at home xx

I stopped along time ago meeting with people and showing a feeling other than how it made me feel.

When arranging just say you could do with a girly afternoon they will get the message.

The otherside is although women are supportive and close its suprising how much thier husbands can also care especally if your husband was close with them. If you were a loved wife to thier closest friend they will also want to see you and know you are ok. I hope you had a lovely day however direction you went in. .

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sorry for your loss, Mumski and I understand your feelings. If you can't think of a better way I'd contact your friends and feign illness, a bit cowardly perhaps but it gets you diplomatically out of the situation.
After a little time has gone by I'd contact them again and suggest a girl's get-together and hope it turns out better.

Craicon
what a thoughtless reply you have given. How do you know if this lady hasn’t got anyone else to turn to and the possible two friends she has got have been so insensitive in the first place. Why shouldn’t she post on here. For goodness sake show a little empty.

I would feel the same as you Mumski. I would just want girlie time. A difficult one but I do think your friends would understand.if you explained. Do let us know how it went.

I also think it was thoughtless of your friends . Just say I don’t think I am quite up to so much company yet and see if they pick up on it . If they don’t then don’t go .

When I lost my husband the last thing I wanted was to be with other couples.

It was thoughtless of your friends. Why do people have to take their husbands with them everywhere? It changes the dynamics of the relationship you have with your friends if others tag along.

I hope that the next walk will be just the three of you and you can talk to them more openly.

Sorry for your loss mumski. I can totally understand your feelings and I think your friends are out of order. Probably their husband/partners are bored in lockdown and they are trying to please everyone, but its not OK in my view. There are times when other halves should be out of the picture and this is one of them. In your place I would pull out and tell them straight, but if you dont feel you can do that then just make an excuse. I completely agree with you that you need times with your friends when you can be yourself and dont have to pretend to be positive and full of beans if that is not the reality.

I hope you went on the walk and enjoyed it. To them I suppose it's a long time as it's over a year, and to you it's obviously no time at all. Perhaps you had a laugh and some fresh air - a much better tonic hopefully than crying and getting upset. Book another meet up as soon as you can - I'd like to bet they won't bring husbands next time. All the best.

LovelyLady

Perhaps they know you will be emotional just now and they can't cope, thus need support themselves.

Well if this is the case then they’re making it all about them which isn’t on.

What more do you need to bring it home forcibly that you are on your own than a lovely walk with two friends and their partners! The same thing happened to me after my husband died so you have my heartfelt sympathy. Your friends don't mean any harm. They just don't realise that they're hurting you. The only way they'd really understand would be to lose their own partners and you wouldn't wish that on them, mumski

I think you should go. Sometimes if we refuse invitations we don’t get asked again.