Hubbies deafness is driving me to distraction

We have it to a lesser degree in our house.
Its that vague 'simple' expression on his face when he looks as if he can't process what I've just said.
However he gets really angry if I say "Which part of (for instance) salad or casserole, don't you understand?
He never wants me to ever say it again and I am trying not to. I am thinking it though!

Another vote here for NHS aids. Earlier this year I was diagnosed as needing aids - and I have NHS ones. A friend who's has a hearing-impairment for decades, advised me (as did the audiologist) to wear them all day, every day. Problem solved. For me, it really has been as simple as that.

Are these newer NHS hearing aids hidden invisibly inside the ear? My husband has successfully used privately bought, invisible aids but we can no longer afford them. He wont try NHS ones as he's convinced they are all large behind the ear type aids. So Im now shouting at, repeating back to, or ignoring him. So frustrated!!!

If his aids are uncomfortable or not meeting his needs he must go back to the clinic where he got them. There really is no need to get expensive aids; my NHS ones are excellent, and most people do not eve notice that I am wearing them.

Hearing aids are not exactly like normal hearing - it is impossible to totally blank out background noise. But it is a matter of compromise to make life easier for everyone.

I have no idea how you might get your OH to use his, unless you just appeal to his better nature (I assume he has one!) for your benefit.

My mum used to wear her hearing aid when she was with my sister as she gave her a hard time about it but I didn't bother so much. My sister saw her a lot more than I did as they lived very close to each other.
Eventually my sister said that it was up to her but she was not to ask my sister to repeat anything and if she misheard something, that was her fault. It was tough love but it worked and my mum started to wear her aid. She always said it was uncomfortable and I tried it on to see - yes, it wasn't the most comfortable thing but if you wanted to be involved in things you had to put up with it. We had all gone through having our grandmother refuse hearing aids and then sitting there with a face like thunder when she couldn't join in with conversations.

Please don’t waste good money on private aids. I am profoundly deaf, have been since my early forties. I used to wear only one hearing aid, grew my hair, was embarrassed. But, the audiologist at our local hospital convinced me to wear two, we do hear in stereo! and it has turned my life around. I put, what I call ‘my ears’ in first thing in the morning and last thing at night, do not adjust them at all in noisy situations, life is loud, your brain does adjust. Please me gentle with your husband, hearing loss is very isolating. Private message me if you wish, I have persuaded several friends to wear theirs.

they can be uncomfortable, both physically in the ear, and the way they affect the sounds conveyed.
quite honestly i don't think i'd like to use one.
try this OP.
go to poundland or similar. stationery section.
small whiteboard with pen. it's wipeable. about A5 size.
some have magnets for attaching to fridge, to compile shopping lists, or messages. so look in kitchen section too.
good luck.

Thank you everyone, your comments have given me something to think about

I have a hearing aid from Boots which is neat and small, very effective. If you can afford it maybe he could go and discuss with them? It doesn't distort speech and generally doesn't irritate my ear either.

Specsavers also do one in glasses ...but I don't know how those work

I agree with all those who have hearing difficulties especially Illte. Some of the comments here show that hearing problems are much misunderstood. I have NHS aids and they are very good but they don’t make my hearing perfect. As explained to me by the audiologist, there will always be certain frequencies and tones that are difficult for me to pick up. I have explained this to my DH many times but he continues to get cross and frustrated when I don’t pick something up first time. If I ask him to repeat he generally repeats the bit I’ve heard (the last bit), when it’s usually the first bit I’ve missed because I wasn't ‘tuned in’. Turning to face someone when speaking to them is extremely helpful.

And expecting somebody with hearing problems to hear properly when the radio is on and the tap is running is quite unreasonable, although DH doesn’t think so!

I’m glad to hear that others agree that expensive private hearing aids are no better. My father in law paid a lot of money but has never been satisfied with his. I went with him when he was tested and fitted for his and was quite appalled at the service and outdated technology used compared to my experience under the NHS at the local hospital.

I get really annoyed when people make jokes about deafness, too. Why is it ok? Nobody would dream of making similar jokes about being blind.

I have had hearing loss since a child but only high frequencies. Hubby on the other hand has just started to loose his but only low frequencies. ie he can hear all the birds and I can't. As I have had it so long I have learned to guess what people are saying and am quite good a lip reading with the sound they are making No good if there is no sound. When we first got married he was often in hysterics if he asked me something and I could not see him as I would answer what I thought I heard and it was often completely different to what he had said. There are some private ones that can't be seen in your ear and they only need to be changed when the battery goes which is at least 2 years. I can see us getting ours in the next couple of years
I am sure when I do I will wish did it earler

Forgot to say, his aids aren’t so good currently because they keep falling out and the actual ear inserts need changing but he can’t currently get an appointment at Specsavers. ?

It really is worth doing something about it because deafness can have a connection with dementia.

My own life was revolutionised when my Dh got hearing aids. He paid a bit more to get a better type of aid and until recently it’s been well worth the money, if it can be afforded. Everything about our life is better now.

Muddynails

You say you have to speak in a particular way - so speak in a particular way, he is disabled make allowances for it. You would if he was in a wheelchair or had a stroke

My hearing is not as good as it used to be, face to face no problem, but when someone speaks in the next room I cannot hear it. Hearing aids help in a quiet environment but if the TV is on as background noise he will not hear you asking a question unless you attract his attention first.

More expensive hearing aids make no difference whatever.

MissAdventure* that could have been my mum!?

youtu.be/yq7quQpt9J0

My grandmother and father were both very deaf (it's a genetic thing) and I wish that when I was a hearing person I had been given some guidance as to what the hearing person can do to help overcome this handicap.

I use the word handicap because although I am less able I am not handicapped until the hearing person does things that make life difficult.

The Ops husband should use hearing aids. The Op should examine her behaviours if she can do anything to make it easier to hear/understand what is being said.

I'm sure if he was blind she wouldn't deliberately put things in his way.

My father was like this. TV blaring out. Yelling at each other all the times. Headaches abound. In the end it was almost his birthday so we took him to get private ones. So much better quality and invisible to the eye, well almost. He thought there'd been a miracle. He mentioned price which we briefly pointed out that all siblings and relatives had chopped in! He was delighted and so gleeful that he could listen to all his own favourites!

And TV viewing was a lot less stressful!

I would honestly say that my mums failure to do anything about her deafness had a significant (terrible) effect (affect?) on the last year few years of her life.

There has to be a limit where the non deaf person says "enough, you have to deal with it and i am done accommodating"

If the relationship between the couple is going to get impacted by it, both parties have to make it work.

It seems that I too mumble all the time - nothing wrong with his ears - drives me to distraction and am getting to the point where I don’t bother telling him things unless really important.

I think perhaps it's because the process of going deaf is gradual.
You can turn the TV up a notch or two, and thinks it's the accents that make a drama hard to follow..

Agreed Aldom - I have had private hearing aids over the years but my NHS-digital one is far better than any of them ☝️

I have often wondered why, on getting older, people are quite willing to admit their eyes are less than perfect and buy spectacles, visit a dentist for essential treatment, even buy dentures, and yet hate the idea of a hearing aid. It must be very restricting not being able to hear.

I too have hearing difficulties and agree with everything said by Illte I have had private, expensive hearing aids in the past, but for the past three years NHS. They are discreet, easy to adjust at the touch of a button, as comfortable as can be hoped for. A friend recently paid £5,000 for hers. When she showed them to me they were the same as my NHS aids. Private doesn't mean better. Please anyone who isn't deaf, try to be patient. Deafness is a hidden disability. It is very frustrating to live with, and when occasionally I come up against rudeness or impatience it is very diminishing.