Executor Duties

Sadly it is a thankless task. My sister was executor for our cousin and she had nothing but grief from start to finish. My elder sister was left a sum of money but the rest went to charity and they were downright nasty.
I am determined not to leave anything in my will to the two charities that benefitted from 2/3 of a very healthy estate. Not only did they not thank my sister but sent a solicitor's letter saying that she should not receive expenses from the estate. My sister had to fly in from abroad and spend weeks clearing the house, which was a hoarder's paradise.

This is an interesting post. I’ve been executor for three wills and it never occurred to me that I was the one to be thanked. It was in each case my last gift to the person who died. I just did it for them.
After reading this I will thank the executor if anyone leaves me anything in future!

my dh died, the house automatically became mine..
but I had his long hoarded work stuff, diy stuff, his shed to deal with...I am trying to get rid of much of my "stuff" now to save ds`s from having to deal with it..

I think we don`t, generalising,, say thankyou enough, for every day stuff.. think we have forgotten to show appreciation, or perhaps to feel appreciation for even the little things that people do everyday..

When my mum died after a short illness not long after I had been executor for my fathers will, I took a few months longer than I could have taken due to not being able to face the effort.

Once it was all sorted my brother accused me of causing him to waste £4k as he could have had the money earlier to pay off his debts! We have barely spoken since.

I was the executor for my mum's will with my sister, but I ended up doing a lot of the work for various reasons. It was very slow because she had her money dotted around in so many places, and I think the grief also made it harder to focus on what I was doing. Nobody thanked me at all, in fact I got a lot of comments from other beneficiaries about how long it was taking ... plus rather silly anecdotes about how people knew other people who had been granted probate within a week, and other unlikely stories! And no, nobody thanked me. I think they assumed a solicitor was doing a lot of the work.

It really is, or can be, a classic example of a thankless task!

My brother dealt with the probate for both of my parents. Neither had left a will and I must admit that when everything was sorted out (after several family meetings) I did thank him but not sure if the rest of the family did!
Since then he has been executor for one of my aunts - I don't think that he really got involved as the other executor dealt with it all - he just took over from organising the funeral to everything else ( not sure that some of requests were agreed with from his reaction, including holding the wake in a pub!) .

I expect very few of the twenty-three beneficiaries know you were an executor, marmight. Unless the bequests were sent in your name? But wouldn't they have come from a solicitor?

I had to carry out the executor's role twice when family members died intestate (they both died young so hadn't thought of wills). You don't get any thanks for that either.

After Mum's bequests were distributed, we had a beautiful, hand written, thank you letter from Scope.

Charities can prove difficult. Sometimes I think they are just run as businesses. However, I am aware of 2 similar situations in which charities were put in awkward positions.

An elderly person leaves their property (a bit run down, and with a big garden ripe for development) to a charity. Everyone close to them, including the executors, knows that they would have liked the house to simply be renovated, and they would not want the development of blocks of flats with little parking. However, the Charity Commission said that the charity was obliged to seek the best financial outcome (ie: from a developer). Had the property been left to relatives, they could have sold the house and garden to a family at a reasonable price, and donated that to charity.

It is because charities hassle you for money from an estate that I have left money to charity in my will, but not mentioned any specific charity, just saying I leave the choice to my children knowing they will bear in mind the charities I already support.

Saxifrage, I was livid with a major animal charity for a similar reason. Dh was executor for a friend who left the house where he’d been living with his wife, to the charity. She was well provided for in other ways, inc. another house, and wouldn’t have stayed in that house anyway, but was allowed to stay for up to 3 years.

The solicitor who drew up the will advised leaving the house itself to the charity, rather than the proceeds of the sale. He said otherwise the charity might well hassle the widow over why hadn’t it sold yet, why hadn’t it sold for more money, etc. He’d known it to happen.

Dh was in contact with the charity early on, so they knew the score. All they had to do when the time came, was to let the solicitors transfer ownership and give the keys to an estate agent.

Many months after they knew the score, they wrote to the widow, my friend, basically saying, ‘Oh, it’d be easier for us if you could just sell it for us and give us the cash, thanks very much.’

As if the widow didn’t have enough to cope with, getting rid of mountains of stuff, arranging a move, etc. The letter put her in a terrible tizz.

I’d have written a seriously stroppy letter back. Dh’s was more measured but still very plain spoken, and we heard no more about it. But I still can’t get over the blatant cheek of it!

I have only benefited from wills in which I was also the executor. I agree that those who don't know much about it probably assumed the work had been done by a solicitor; although those I sent to had a personal letter from me (and co-executor) so I think they knew, and yes, responded appropriately. I agree that it would have beenthoughtful

I'd also like to say that as an executor, I spoke to friends and family, asking if they would like to choose a keepsake. I have myself greatly appreciated having such mementoes. However, twice I have lost friends, and not been invited to choose a keepsake,which I would have loved.

Is anyone told that an executor has dealt with the Will, or do they assume that a solicitor has done all of the work? I haven’t been a beneficiary in a Will so I don’t know how it works.

A cousin and I were executors for an uncle a few years ago. As you say it was a lot of work. I don't remember much in the way of thanks but we did make everyone fill in a form to confirm they had received the money. The thing that most annoyed me was that one of the big national charities hassled us quite a bit when it took time to sell his bungalow. It’s made me think more about which charities are worth giving to.

Marmight I suspect that the beneficiaries who didn't thank you probably had no idea of what Probate and Executors' duties entail! I found it all-consuming when I had to do it and it wasn't until it was all done and dusted, nearly two years later, that I realised just how much it had played on my mind! Here's a proxy thank-you!

I do not think that many people really know what being an executor entails till the day arrives.

My DD1 is theoretically executor for my OH's will, but in practice I did most of it as it was all very simple - he had nothing to leave but his share of the house - I had spent all his money on his care.

I have had acknowledgements from the charity who received the collection at the funeral. I think you should have had something from the beneficiaries.

I do not envy you having a house to empty - we did my FIL's and it was grim - we found an electric ear wax remover complete with wax - yuk!!

It makes me glad I've kept things simple just 2 beneficiaries.

I was joint executor for my Father's will and every single person who benefitted contacted me to thank me for the work I'd done. They were all family members and an ambulance charity.

I have never been left anything in a will but if I had it would not have crossed my mind to thank the executor.

If I am left anything in future I shall do.