Still not met three week old grandson.

Beswitched I quite agree. Goodness me how times have changed. Actually when I had my children in 1970s I told my husband to bring his parents and mine. I felt they were "entitled" to see the newborn grandchildren they were so looking forward to. And I couldn't wait to show them. What on earth has happened to families nowadays!
I feel very sad for Happygran.

Sorry, I should have made it clearer that I was talking hypothetically too and I completely agree with you

SirChenjin, I wasn’t suggesting that the grandparents actually told the parents that. I was just meaning what if the grandparents just ended up feeling like that. Not everyone is particularly keen on babies and if someone feels pushed out for long enough they really may become less enthusiastic and excited about the baby. I am talking generally here and not about anyone’s situation on this thread.

No, you’re right - no-one is ‘entitled’ to meet a new DGC at theee weeks, but sometimes it’s good to put entitlement to one side for half an hour and do something that’s just nice for family members who are going to be key people in your child’s life (providing they are people that you and/or your DH/P love and care for).

Yup! Not about entitlement and demanding MILs really! But for some anything a MIL says has to be about that and about them not having had relevant experience! "No rationale will ever be reasonable" on both sides of the coin apparently!!

That would enable them to define the GPs as ‘unreasonable’ forever more!

It’s interesting to read about the varying hopes and expectations. My own parents came to see our DC1 in hospital for afternoon visiting time the day after I’d had him and went home the next day - my mum then came to stay for a few days once DH had gone back to work. Her colleague was horrified she didn’t come down (from 200 miles away) to wait while I was in labour!

My PiL came through 12 days later - they weren’t able to come through beforehand because he was working (AL didn’t occur to him) and she had a coffee morning at the church the Saturday after DC1 was born which she didn’t want to miss. They live 1.5 hours drive away. DH and I had both hoped for a little bit more excitement from them for their first grandchild (and the first baby in the family for 34 years) but apparently not.

I wonder how parents who keep one set of grandparents away from the baby for weeks would react if they believed the grandparents had waited that long their enthusiasm to meet or cuddle the baby had declined.

I hope you meet the baby soon HappyGran.

Your post has reminded me of how hurt my Mum was not to be the 'first' to see my son, my friend from work arrived at the hospital before her.

No you don’t know how people will react - as the OP is also finding out.

Most people are reasonable sorts though - it’s all about communication and mutual respect.

that we and it was mostly my husband who had the issue. It was of course blame on me.

I didn’t think my inlaws were the sort to have entitled requests until my first was born.

They got upset that I I want my father-in-law who is sick to visit in the hospital. When I got a lot of pushback, I relented and said he could wear a mask, they were still extremely offended.

The day we came home they offered to drop dinner off, I assumed they’d come in for 5-10 minutes. They stayed 3 hrs and ate the food they brought “us”.

I ended up in my room trying to nurse, in tears, because they wouldn’t leave. I’d not slept in 3 days.

It came out later that they were angry because still sick FIL wanted to hold the baby. Instead of using their words, they just waited.

Sometimes you don’t know how people will react. I thought they’d be the easy grandparents.

She’s only stated that on here and her son appears to have been happy with an earlier visit.

On the flip side, as I said, it would have been nice if a half an hour visit could have been accommodated given that the family seem to get on reasonably well generally. Sometimes it’s nice to be nice.

I'd just like to point out that the wife's mother is also a mother in law....... to the child's father!
I do wonder if the same situation is visited on this mother in the distant future should her new born son have children whether she will feel it's entirely reasonable. If Happygran has to wait until mum is no longer pumping, then the baby could well be many months old! I didn't get to hold my granddaughter until she was 7 months old because she lives in a different country, but if she'd lived a few minutes away I'd have been very upset.

Entitlement does not comes from requesting a visit, but for stating that her timeframe for waiting is way too long and establishing the conditions and agenda of the visit, without making sure it works for the other party

If you think they are unreasonable and entitled then presumably you don’t have a particularly close relationship with them. There’s nothing to suggest that’s the case with the OP and her son though.

Well it's a sad state of affairs when a grandmother who is upset about not seeing her new grandchild in the four weeks since he's been born, despite him living only a few minutes away, is now 'entitled'.

What if I think they are unreasonable and entitled and they think they are not?

Presumably because you know that your in laws or your parents aren’t unreasonable people who make entitled demands?

Thanks for the reply! I like this discussion.

I don't see it as digging my heels

I call it standing up for myself.

What makes me think that I give in once, there won't be more entitled requests? Where does it end?

ask him in a text...when am I going to met him?

Yes, you can dig in your heels and say ‘I’m not moving on this one’ or you can choose to do something that’s important to your parents for 30minutes. It’s entirely up to you

So you say nobody is entitled but give in anyway - aka let them be entitled?

How does it make sense?

I think you’ve just summed up the issue in one sentence, SirChenjin.

Maggiemaybe - thanks for confirming that and yes, not relevant to anyone else.

No, you’re right - no-one is ‘entitled’ to meet a new DGC at theee weeks, but sometimes it’s good to put entitlement to one side for half an hour and do something that’s just nice for family members who are going to be key people in your child’s life (providing they are people that you and/or your DH/P love and care for).

I suppose this is why the advice is always not to JADE (justify, argue, defend, explain) when dealing within demanding Mother in laws.....no rationale can ever be good enough. No one is entitled to meet this baby on anyone’s timeframe but it’s parents. There is no such thing as fair. And the last thing a new postpartum family should be expected to worry about is granny’s feelings and need for a cuddle.

Yes, thus thread is about an adult woman who is sad she hasn't met her gc in person yet.

However, there are people on the other side of the equation that should be taken into account too.

There has to be more to the story when no visit happened yet.

If I were dil and I was struggling that much, I would not like the expectations of the visit for an hour for cuddles. It would be too much for me.

Maybe if ils asked what worked for the new family - drop in for 5 min to see baby and leave- I would be on board.

More info about how relationship was before marriage and baby would be very helpful.