Sister-in-law

MyDHs daughter and husband share our property and mostly we get on really well but i feel as though i'm under surveilance all the time. My parcel of a new top bought on line was put in their mailbox by mistake and she said 'see you've got an ezibuy parcel, spending your money again!'

The thing is, Oldwoman, did you really need them?
Do we buy because we need or because we want?
The way I see it is you should treat yourself if you can and if you want to, give the unwanted stuff to charity, then somebody who really needs it can afford to have it. Tah-dah.
Meantime you are doing a good job helping the economy.

Wow, DanniRae that's impressive!

It is cheeky - but is it possible she asks because things are difficult for her? She may not want to say that she and her husband are having financial problems - it could be why she has a fixation on costs and the purchase of items that appear, to her anyway, unnecessary or luxurious.

I think I'd be tempted to wind her up by telling her I'd spent a fortune on a designer bag or something, and add - before she could say anything - 'Because I'm worth it!'

Or else, 'Nothing special, unless you count 500g of Asda Smartprice pasta and some economy bog roll.'

Strange lady, don’t tell her none of he4 business

I have a close relative like this OP, she came from terrible childhood poverty but is very wealthy now. However, she is always talking about money and how much x,y or z person has got. She isn’t tight with money herself but clearly that fear of being poor again will never leave her.

This is about your SiL and her own insecurities, I’d either just say you haven’t bought anything or answer the question by asking what she’s bought. Maybe she just wants to show off!

Can't see the problem! If you don't want people to know, don't tell them! Simples! You can always answer with "No! Cant afford it!"

My mum had the perfect answer to questions from as she put it nosey people “ if it was any of your business I’d tell “ and obviously it isn’t any of her business

Is this a new thing, or has your sister-in-law always done this?

I would have told mine to go chase herself years ago, if she had asked questions like this, which neither my SILs have ever done. I had quite enough of it from my mother, who I felt obliged to answer.

Nothing worth mentioning, seems a good retort to me.

Quick check to confirm that both my sister's had read this post- they had. We all ask each other what's new, how much? Always have and I expect we always will. No offence ever taken. Maybe that's the difference between sisters and SiLs.

Like others .... My instant response would be to ask why she needs to know

Lol...what a cheeky so and so.
It's an odd thing to ask.

When she asks just say 'no, have you?' Then ask her the same questions she usually asks you. She may start to realise how offensive it is

Alima is right.....Cheeky mare! Tell her you will spend your money on what you like....or question her in the same way...and see if she likes it!

Don’t accept the premise of the question (about what you have bought) but be ready with a complete change of subject next time she rings. I.e. ;

SiL ; What have you bought this week?

You; Ooh, I meant to ask last time, how is so and so after their operation/ holiday/wedding/house move/ birthday party?

Do it every time she rings and asks. Sidestepping means you don’t have to answer back and risk offending.

Just plain rude, odd & unnecessary! My daughter now does the same thing with me. In fact there's no no way it would go shopping with her. It was always a "do you need it" when I held up something I fancied for inspection and that somehow vastly reduced the pleasure of shopping for stuff you like as opposed to need.

Anyway, in the end I think I told her to mind her own business! It still baffles me as to why she cared what I spent since it came out of my purse, not hers. Blimey if she had any knowledge of my stash, she'd have a fit ....

ah but Teddy123 your daughter is watching you frittering away her inheritance on geegaws............

Not a bad question to start with, quite gossipy and fun. My lovely Mil liked to hear about clothes etc we had got recently. However, when it’s followed by an intrusive cost enquiry, it’s just rude.

You could tell her you purchased groceries if that's alright with her and then tell her to mind her business it's nothing to do with her what you buy unless she is paying for it.

I can't think of anyone asking if I had spent any money recently, but a number of people ask how much I have spent on things - none of their business!!! If she asks again I would as someone else mentioned and say no - nothing you are being PC and using what you have / recycling.... What a cheek...

Maybe it's a sister in law thing. Mine will say every time, within half an hour of meeting up " it's alright for you, you've got a work pension". She forgets that I paid into it for all my working life and she never bothered to pay in for own pension. I just ignore it now but would love to say something witty to her.

oh god ALL of the above (older sister ALL of eighteen months ) blighted my life for soo many reasons 60 now maybe might get a grip soon how pathetic of me

Funnily enough I have a sister-in-law who used to do this too. When she would say " Oh that's a new top, where did you get that, what did it cost?" I would reply " If I told you I would have to shoot you" (as a smart joke of course). She stopped asking after that. We get on like a house on fire.