Not to want to wear matching outfits?

Absolutely not!

I've never heard of 'Matching Mothers' at a wedding! Here in the US at least, it's even considered a 'faux pas' when the Mothers show up wearing the same color or Heaven forbid, the same dress!

No need for a confrontation, but do let your DIL know (the sooner the better) and in no uncertain terms, that you already purchased your dress and you won't be returning it. It's been fitted to your size and figure, it's very flattering, you love it and that's the dress you will be wearing!

This is awful, don't do it !

I agree with gmelon. It is the fact that you have been presented with it as a fait accompli rather than a suggestion of something that you could then all work on together (which would still be weird but could possibly have the excuse of wanting a bit of togetherness between the in-laws).
There is nothing kind or considerate or respectful about this. You can only rise above it by lightly saying that you have already sorted out your outfit and are looking forward to the day and hope that it is an aberration coming out a bit of wedding madness.
I agree with people who say don't send a picture. You will only get a critique in return.

The beauty in wedding photos is the individuality. even Royal weddings. There might be a code for the men, maybe formal but ladies, apart from bridesmaids and flower girls/pageboys choose their own style. It's most important they feel comfortable and their best. Maybe the bride can ask for long skirts but style and shade is usually up to the individual mother of the bride/groom. Obviously none should choose white or cream if the bride is marrying in white or cream.

grannywonder Agh! I am in agonies for you! This is truly weird and definitely not very thoughtful of Bride-to be! Still, it takes all sorts...

Here's me, trying to be a Christian, seriously thinking: Is this a time for a little white lie? Can you draw this out as if you are doing as asked.... until at the last minute, the dress has to go back with a big problem like the back seam is coming undone? I'm NOT saying actually buy it and damage it! That is too dishonest! But is there some kind of cover story you can think of, that can make it seem as if you were - sadly(!) - unable to wear the dress on the day?

This is all I can think of right now. Just saying, "Sorry, I tried it and it simply isn't me, I don't have the confidence to carry it off" should be ok for most people, but probably won't work on this Bride to be and her mother, I suspect.

Good luck

When my Step-D got married there were 3 of us, MOB, MOG & Step-MOB. MOG bought her outfit 1st, green which would not have suited me, MOB bought yellow & I bought pale blue, only thing we did was check with the Bride to make sure we all chose different colours.

My neighbour's DD married last year (2 teenage children, lived with her OH for 18 years). Large White Wedding & every-one was required to wear varying shades of cream.

I would not allow any-one to dictate to me, I would agree with many others, email to say you have already got your outfit & stick to your guns, politely of course. Bridezilla

I was shocked but not actually surprised to read the OP. After all at my DS3's wedding the main men were all told they would wear hired kilts and DH was not impressed. The MOB had a change of outfits, one for day and one for evening - including shoes and luckily the outfit I wore looked passable, suited me and I didn't embarrass my DS.

Weddings are such highly planned events these days - OTT in every way with over long engagements, hen nights and stag dos that last for days followed by enormous weddings which cost so much they need to save for years or spend years paying off the loans. How I long for the days, like our own wedding, 50 yrs ago when everything was simple. You made your own dress, your own cake and your own sandwiches......

Tell her no quickly - kindly of course but quickly!

How awful. I would want to crawl into a corner in utter humiliation if I was wearing an identical outfit to the other mother. Other grans have given good advice - inform her you already have your dress which you really love and are looking forward to wearing, and that it will tone in very well and complement Brides mothers lovely dress. ( I am assuming they dont clash horribly). This is your happy event too. After all it is your son. My daughter gave general guidelines by asking mums to tone in with a blue and white theme, and'asking guests not to wear black ( because they had seen friends weddings which looked more like funerals when black was in fashion). I submitted a photo of my dress to my dd so that mil could avoid buying the same outfit (highly unlikely anyway). Enjoy your sons wedding

I agree with what kittylester and other posters have said. You've already bought your outfit. I'm sure you'll look good in your own choice of dress.
Do update us after the event! I reckon in a few years time the bride will be dressing her DC in von Trapp style outfits!

However I'd love to see a Nigerian wedding, spectacular must indeed be the word for such exuberance!

Wear what make you feel good, especially if your ex will be there! Put your foot down and say sorry you had already spent a fortune on your outfit by the time they let you know. Wearing something you dont like will zap your confidence and you will be uncomfortable all day

I absolutely agree with everyone here! On no account go along with this! It’s plain rude, controlling and unacceptable!! As you say, it could be the idea of the brides mother if , as you say, you wouldn’t put it past her! As for letting her see what you are wearing , make them wait in suspense for the wedding day! I’d go nuts if somebody tried to manipulate me in such an inconsiderate manner! Grrrrr!

Oh yeuk, you would look like a couple of old bridesmaids! Terrible idea and totally lacking in good taste. Very surprised that the MOB would want to spoil her chance of a good unique outfit for herself. Stand your ground, don't send the photo, I would too have qualms if it was me but would not do it. You will be proved to be right.

At weddings it is only the brides maids who wear matching dresses. The last thing you want to do is see yourself in wedding photos dressed as the twin of the brides' mother and it seems not looking your best either.

Hope you find a lovely outfit of your own.

Reminds me of a wedding years ago when I was still working.....it was a co worker"s oldest daughter who was getting married.

The wedding plans got underway seemingly without a hitch and everyone was thrilled. Every day there were new updates with everything splendid and on schedule...that is, until there was a misunderstanding about dress colors. It seems that the groom's mother ordered her dress in 'Seafoam' and my co worker's dress was 'Misty Sage'.

The war broke out when the dresses turned out to be the same shade of (pale avocado) green and both sides refused to budge. The drama continued for months even as the wedding plans lumbered along. In the end, the families stopped speaking. At the the wedding, one of the groom's brothers got drunk and blows were exchanged. The hapless couple ended up moving far, far away.

I retired not long after that, but the way that whole thing went down has always been hard to get out of my head.

My mother chose to wear a coat, dress and hat in exactly the same shade of blue as my bridesmaids' dresses. And she knew exactly what she was doing! In the photos, which thankfully are mostly black and white, she looks ridiculous.

How odd. Most mums go to great lengths NOT to wear what even the same colour that the other mum is wearing.

chrissyh...my point exactly. Family feuds have been started this way!

Oh no .... I will be mother of the bride in December and there has not been any dress dictates going out except that it needs to be quite warm as wedding takes place in the Highlands...

Does her mother really want someone in the same outfit as hers? I thought it a bit OTT when a friend said that as mother of the groom, she had to stick to a specific colour Don’t be bullied into this as it could set the tone for the future of your relationship, stand your ground now.

If the other mother changes her mind between now and the big day will you be issued new instructions?
The spring lines aren't fully out yet, she and daughter could see something that they like better, Then you would have to buy that as well.

These posts are hilarious, thank god there are still some very feisty grans out there! It’s ludicrous, and I would be terrified if my son was marrying into this controlling family. There is no way you can go along with this, but I fear the sh*t will hit the fan! I once knew a bride who insisted all 5 of her bridesmaids dyed their hair as she wanted to be the only blonde. There are some real nutters about. Sorry I can’t offer a suitable answer without causing offence, for once words fail me!

I was buying a hat for DS2s wedding , had a sudden thought and phoned the bride .... yep , I was trying on the same hat as her Mum had picked ! I just chose another style and we all had a .. Whewww moment about it

How ridiculous. Hope you have the confidence to go with the good advice you have had on this thread, and you can wear the lovely outfit you have chosen for yourself.

I have been involved in 4 weddings, 2 as MOB and 2 as MOG, and in none of them was there any discussion at all about who (apart from the bride and bridesmaids and whether the grooms needed new kilts or not) was wearing what.

Shopping for clothes is one of my least favourite occupations anyway, and it would have been made even worse if I had been told to buy something I knew wouldn't suit me.

Good luck, and I hope you enjoy the special day when you DS gets married.

I've been to a couple of weddings where there was colour theme for the main players including MOB and MOG, but not the same outfits.... Thankfully it wasn't cream on either occasion. I look like a ghost in cream.

Lots of helpful advice on here, I hope you find a way that doesn't ruffle too many feathers. Good luck!