to treat 1 grandchild differently because she treats me different?

Just a thought. Don't give her a present or money, perhaps be interesting to see what response that brings. I m not bein horrible, it's just reading your post has made me realise how you, me & others of a certain generation are actually accepting & pussyfooting around behaviour that would never have been tolerated by our parents .I wonder why we have become so tolerant of what is in actual fact bad behaviour !!

well Ladies I've just been on Mumsnet where the general concensus is that any Grandparent telling off GC or interfering in how they are raised should be firmly told no way and shown the door ...seems you are all a bit out of touch with the 21st century.It is NOT in the remit of any grandparent to tell off a GC if the parents are there OR to tell off an adult child ..that is plainly ridiculous.Would you have been happy if YOUR parent told you off when you were a grown woman and mother of your own family.....I certainly wouldn't .

Why oh why do we pussyfoot around this pampered generation. We Grans are actually making excuses for our adult Grandchildren who have everything except the manners to say thank you !!

My two daughters and DGs have written thank you letters ever since they could write. DH and I send thank you letters and our cousins do too. I send thank you letters if I'm invited out for a meal or for a treat by someone or - and (most of) my friends write and thank me for meals here or treats I take them on. If someone takes the trouble to do something for you it's only right to thank them in writing. Manners maketh the man.

Manners make the the man..... AND the woman. At 18 ' thank you' should come as naturally as breathing. This young woman needs telling. AND her father needs to be the one to tell her.

How I agree Hattiehelga
But if the offender is a GC, what do you do?

I have stopped sending gifts to my niece and nephew and their children because I never once had a thank you. Done the same with a cousin and her family but continued with her sister because always get a lovely and prompt thank you. My children were brought up to think that if anyone is kind enough to think of you, you should acknowledge their thoughtfulness and this has been passed on to my grandchildren.

Quite right Missadventure I reprimand my grandchildren if its required and my adult children sometimes. Of course that means I have to accept a reprimand too ☺

Sitting on the sofa with a biscuit is something a GP can talk nicely to a DGC about, but talking to how they are being raised is not GPs affair.

That's certainly the case in my house! Anyone who needs a telling off, gets one!

Paddyann surely it is "My house, my rules"?
I don't like anyone eating on my sofa, in my sitting room. We certainly don't. Aren't I allowed to say so when the GCs visit?

It's the individual I really do think. I know two sisters, the daughters of a dear friend, and one has never thanked me for anything that she has been given or sent for Christmas or birthdays. The other always writes a 'thank you' note. Their mother is a polite person and always offers her thanks for gifts; why her daughter just doesn't bother is a mystery! I carry on buying for her because she is the daughter of a friend, and I would feel rather bad about giving to her sister and not to her. Also I do consider that I buy her a gift not to be thanked but to make her happy, so I hope it does! Sadly I will never know if that is the case.

She is an adult 18yrs old no excuse not to say thanks !

Treat them all the same, you are giving for the happiness of giving. Also, not a GPs place to tell off or tell DGC what to do.

Greenwood I would wait for a time when you do see her (engineer one - invite her for a meal out, saying that you haven't seen for ages and it would be lovely to catch up??) and then speak to her about how you would appreciate hearing that she has received the gift and what she bought with it as part of saying thank you! If that isn't feasible I would contact her ...text maybe? ...ask her if she received the gift and what she plans to use it for? I wouldn't treat her differently in terms of gifts but I also wouldn't not say anything. Frankly her dad saying thank you is pathetic ..he needs to tell her not to be so rude and also tell her that if she carries on that way her Nanny is likely to not bother in future. He needs to make HER take responsibility!

Times have changed since we had to sit and write thank you letters, which I used to dread.
You would think that having phones glued to their faces that our younger relatives would be able to spare a minute or two to say thank you, but it seems not.

Anya I look after GC a lot too,one I have half of every week and sometimes the other three for a week at a time.If they are here with me on their own then yes I'll tell them off if needed ...its rare,but if their parents are there I would never chastise them ..its the parents job not mine

Its the youth of today as they say. Don't take it personally. I bet she is grateful. Not all of your grandchildren can react in the same way...there's always one! Give her a break.

No, no more money!!?

Or take her and her 21 year old sister out for a meal and give them both money or tokens in cards at the same time! Instant thanks!
Are you not able to go and see the family by the way?

As she is now 18, why not just send a lovely card next year & a note to say it would be nice to treat her to lunch sometime.

Don't give her any money, she's obviously not bothered one way or the other.
Or is she, see what happens next time when you give something and she gets nothing.

Why not ring and say you are ringing to check she received the gift because you have not had a phone call thank you so you wondered if she had not received the gift. See what she says. She will probably be suitable rebuked and remember her manners next time. Good manners are important in life so you will be teaching her a valuable lesson in a gentle way.

OP you say your son 'always' thanks you on your 18 year old granddaughter's behalf. Have you not discussed this with him since it clearly is not acceptable to you?
You say the young woman 'never' comes to see you. Similarly have you not asked why she doesn't come when her sister and cousins do?
I was concerned I'd upset my son's partner and asked him. He said phone HER about it. I did, there was no problem at all, we had a nice chat. I thanked him and he texted 'Talking is good!' He's right!

Greenwood Granny
It is what is known as respect.
Technology has given us the means to make contact with others where ever we may be.
The way I observe some folk who seem to have a phone permanently stuck to their hand I feel your granddaughter could have found a moment to call or text you.
We should not rely on others to pass on a thank you.
There is no excuse and I would feel inclined not to say anything to her but have a word with your son about your feelings.