Kids having kids & unproteced sex

That's extreme ExaltedWombat. I think you could safely edit 'we' too 'I' if there was an edit button. It would seem you have assumed the role of spokesman/woman for the board. Is that where the Exalted comes from?
I for one can certainly speak for myself, but thank you anyway.

to not too

I agree Penstemmon I was just thinking about the excellent "Sure Start" programmes that supported parents and babies . It was reckoned that such support made differences to the children in adulthood, leading to less crime and more success in education. Of course the programme was subjected to extensive cuts. So goodness knows what will happen to those children now, presumably the situation will only get worse.

paddyann and valeriej I totally agree with you about how things have radically improved for young mothers since 'Philomena' days. And I am worried about what trisher says - and what I know to be true - about the possible effects of long term cuts to the very worthwhile Sure Start programme.

But those girls (and there may not be many these days, I agree) who are absolutely clear that they do NOT want to keep their unplanned babies - for whatever reason - should be offered adoption as a viable alternative to a termination soon after the birth of their children.

One of my children has been through so much heartache through infertility and it seems the only alternative these days if you want to adopt is to take on a child who may have been damaged by inadequate parenting in their early years.Adopting a newborn seems practically impossible.

I have never agreed with single young women being given priority state funded housing which I feel some see as a way of getting away from the rules, or lack of them, of mum and dad (or just mum usually, as history tends to repeat itself). No excuse for anyone to get pregnant these days without it being planned when free contraception is widely available.

quizqueen as someone who got pregnant THREE times whilst using the contraceptive pill I can confirm its not 100% safe ...so yes accidents happen.I was happily newly married an dhad just started my business when I got prgnant the first time ,after a lot of" no your not pregnant" by doctors I miscarried around 7 weeks...I still felt pregnant but was still told I wasn't for another 6 weeks then told I was still carrying one of twins ...sadly I only carried her for 7 and a half months when she arrived early and died.I later got pregnant twice on the pill and miscarried both those babies too .I repeat DONT JUDGE when you dont know the circumstances .as to the fundng of houses for young women and young men ,thats a different thing but I wouldn't see any teenager being put on the streets because of family issues at home OR because they were in care and had no family to take them in when they left at 16 or 17.We're not all lucky enough to have supportive caring parents!

I too am relatively new to this site but I am astounded by the high moral tone some are dishing out norose was making a point about single mothers - maybe the numbers are declining but maybe just maybe it's perception
Soaps in particular seem to feel that relationships are. 5 minute wonder everyone gets pregnant at the drop of a hat all have enough money to spend in the pub every night to go on holiday whenever they feel down etc etc - w know its not real life but maybe to some of these yougsters living on depressing housing estates where the men don't give a damn and they have nothing to look forward to - a baby makes them feel special gets them extra money and so - the fact that there's no father figure around is neither here nor there
I live in a securely middle class area where the majority of people are wealthy 2,3 or 4 car owners money doesn't seem to be a problem with token social housing
I couldn't begin to imagine how some of the poorly educated girls live - I can only think that a baby is just something of their own to love
I don't agree with it I don't condone it and I don't know what the answer is

Thank you to everyone who understood what I was trying to say & those who took the trouble to message me with lovely positive comments.
To those who choose to reply in an unhelpful,self satisfying way, well I hope that you may reflect a bit more on what effect your posts may have on other people/posters and to EXALTEDWOMBAT I do not want any respect from you & I am pleased to say I am not a friend & would never wish to be!

Janetblogs I am sure that what you describe is often the reason some of the young, unsupported mums become pregnant.

It is good that the statistics do show fewer teen pregnancies
but UK is still higher than other places so still work to be done. Holland, where there is a strong relationships and sexual health education programme starting with young children, has a very low 'unwanted' pregnancy rate. Knowledge, understanding and openness about sex] and is showing to be an effective way to have a healthy attitude to relationships and sexual behaviour. I wish any government in UK would invest in such a programme! Might be a question to ask candidates over the next few weeks!

I used to teach PHSE and I was saddened by the number of girls who had no aspirations beyond being a mother. I think, as has been said, they craved someone to love and be loved by, or thought the only way a boy would marry them was if they got pregnant.
In contrast both my daughters went to uni, got good jobs, married and gained promotion before having babies in their 30's. Neither of them can afford to have large families. It bothers me that, in the future, children from older, educated parents will be in the minority and a larger proportion of children will be from a deprived background.

dj maybe it is high time we did condemn certain behaviour or do you condone unprotected sex with a high amount of partners, some known but some unknown ? Is it not time we condoned the bringing of children into this world when you dont have the means to feed, clothe and provide a bed for that child ? If i bought a dog but could not afford to feed it i would be berated for animal cruelty but if i have a child without the means of paying for it that would be ok after all that would be my free choice and entitlement

Maybe its time we didn't condemn, but looked for reasons.
I don't think you mean condoned in your second sentence.

Who a girl or woman sleeps with is no one's business but her own.
The desire for a child is nothing like wanting to have a dog.
Children should all be welcome in a rich country such as ours.
To base having children on how deserving someone is because of how much money they have is the what is immoral in my view.

And if a young woman has a child we should do everything possible to make that child's life the best it can be. It isn't any good going "Oh they shouldn't be having sex without protection, Oh they shouldn't get pregnant." It's happening deal with it and move on. All the research shows that if girls are given education and opportunities they don't get pregnant. It's about raising expectations and providing support so that the next generation do better. Sadly we are now going into reverse and things are getting worse not better.

Whilst it is true that who a woman sleeps with is her own business. It should also be her business to attempt not to have an unwanted pregnancy. Speaking as one who has seen the aftermath of children born unplanned ,I can assure you it has emotional, mental , & finacial repercussions for years & generations to come .

trisher you are right.. it seems the greater the poverty levels the greater the number of 'unplanned' pregnancies there are in the the most vulnerable groups of people. I think it may be to do with (unconsciously) feeling in control. If you have nothing at all: no home/job/prospects then having a child can be seen as a positive action in an otherwise negative experience. Statistics on births seem to indicate that the better educated, caring, satisfied a society/country is in general the fewer children are born into vulnerable situations.

p.s. my much loved second daughter is the result of failed contraception (iud). That was after attending 'fertility' clinics to become pregnant with her older sister. These things happen!

norose4 Do you imagine you are the only person who has seen the effects of this. I can tell you I spent years working with children who were born into such circumstances. What changed lives was not a judgemental attitude but people who were willing to work with the reality, accept what was happening, but provide care and support and HOPE for a better future. The problem with your attitude is that you appear to be unable to accept these young women for what they are and to deal with the fact that they may lead lives you disapprove of. It isn't any good telling them they are doing wrong. They probably already know. You have to start from where they are and build on that, condemnation and preaching don't help, reassurance, support and education do.

I have either not been very eloquent in what I was trying to say or you Trisher have not understood what I was trying to say. Either way I can't be bothered anymore It seems unless we have a degree in English or know someone really well, what ever we write is open to a different interpretation to the one meant by the writer.

Norose4 - I am sure there are many of us who understand exactly where you are coming from and what you are concerned about. Please don't worry about a very vocal few who try to put others down by supposedly knowing better. They will hopefully learn that a gentle and understanding approach works better on forums as well as with our young girls who can face such grim choices.

You have to start from where they are and build on that, but part of the building is to try to move them away from lifestyles which are dangerous for them. It is walking on a knife-edge to do that without sounding condemnatory and sending them off in the opposite direction.

Thank you so much Wildswan16, I do find it very depressing , I'm all up for a debate & differing points of view, but the highhandness attitude of some just gets me down. Plus I blame myself for not explaing my thoughts very well . I'm a gransnet beginner baby , so I will toodle off& have a mild tantrum & throw my dummy out of the pram . Lol?

wildswan maybe some people do know better and are trying to answer the OP from a good, informed knowledge base.

It can be annoying when you hold a particular point of view or are seeking confirmation of an opinion,but have little first hand experience, and your view is upturned by someone who actually knows factually & or experience wise about the situation and can back up their perspective. It has happened to me!

I got myself pregnant at 17.

A few years previously my parents had written to my school forbidding me to take part in any sex education lessons. The reasons they gave was that "they wanted to inform me themselves" what a joke !

This coming from a mum who couldn't even say the word bum never mind provide me with sex education!
This coming from a mum who made my sister and I turn our back while she adjusted her petticoat!
This coming from a mum who would slap you for scratching or touching a "certain place"!

Angry doesn't even cover it!

The only sex education I received was in the school playground! There wasn't sex education as such back then but we did have biology. Just as we were to start on human reproduction the female teacher left and was replaced by a male teacher who changed the lesson to frog dissection! My parents also never came close to talking about sex - the closest was when my father warned me "not to bring trouble into the house"! I didn't get pregnant so I would think with all the sex education and contraception available girls would be able to avoid accidental pregnancy (I accept that sometimes contraception fails but not very often).