We feel a bit hurt

Similar thing has just happened to us. DH contacted his cousin in the US for a general chat. He asked how her brother was as we knew his partner was ill. Turns out she died last November and he didn't want anyone to know as he didn't want a fuss!

(I think Coolgran has the right answer)

If it was all very low key - as these things often are when the couple is older - most of their more distant friends may only have been told on Facebook. It's used more than email these days for keeping in touch. They may be equally perplexed that you haven't said anything, not knowing that you only look at FB once every blue moon.

(I would never know half the things DD1 is up to if I didn't look on FB every day!)

I think it's a little surprising given that you do keep in touch with the family. For example, you say that nothing was mentioned about the engagement when you spoke with her parents on the phone. I would imagine you'd have asked after the family in the course of the conversation? If so, that would have been the time for them to tell you. So yes, I would be puzzled n the circumstances. Not sure I'd feel hurt, but definitely puzzled.

It does seem surprising that your friends didn't tell you, a wedding in the family is a big thing ( even a quiet wedding.)I can understand you feeling hurt about it.

There's nothing stopping you sending a gift now, Nankate.

When MrA and I got married we had only immediate family present plus three close friends of parents, and did not bother telling anyone else, except for a couple of friends. Lots of people very generously gave us gifts though.
Some people make a big thing of their wedding and others just want it out of the way as soon as possible!

Good idea Coolgran65

I would just send an email and say....' Hey, just seen that xxx got married, how's she doing?'....

I agree. Not a big deal. Maybe the parents are not that happy about it and that's why they said nothing in their emails. Or maybe they forgot. Or maybe they thought you knew.

No we didn't expect an invite but in one of the regular emails or phone calls from them I would have expected a mention of the wedding. We would have sent a gift as they were kind and generous when our DS got married.

We will just wait now until they say something. It just seems rather strange to us.

Maybe the parents weren't that happy about it, who knows. Anyway, does it really matter? Did you hope for a wedding invite? Maybe it was just a really low key event. Not a big deal methinks.

In reality, how many times have you and her parents sent an email or chatted this year? And who contacted who?

I haven't a clue what my cousins' adult children are up to.

Nor to me.

Would you have known anything about it sooner if you'd looked at Facebook more often? I mean was stuff about her engagement and planned marriage posted on there as it happened? If not, then maybe they didn't tell anyone. They are not obliged to tell anyone of their plans.

No.