'Expected' to contribute to DGS Christening

I too wondered if the DIL wanted to ensure the OP felt involved.

Simce the other grandparents are contributing I wonder why the son doesn't want his parents to!

Maybe, in the world she has come from, giving and offering and anything to do with money is "feeling involved", or being involved.

Maybe make it clear that your 'donation' to your DGS christening is for the benefit of the child, make a deposit into a savings account for him, far more useful than a cabinet full of silver stuff that he will NEVER use. Or start a cellar for him......go and see a wine merchant, tell him what you want to do, and ask to start with say 6 good bottles this year for his christening and then add to it every year. When he is older you will be star grandparents.

Than you everyone for your comments and suggestions. Very helpful. My son spoke to DIL again re her continually asking us for a contribution, and she responded that she just wanted us to 'feel involved.' Words fail me - although a few expletive deletives spring to mind!

I bought my DGD a beautiful wooden carousel musical box. And a wooden rattle with name on for my GS. All the others are heathens, so got nothing!

SIL uses his small one for his tot of whisky!

We bought DGS a very nice engraved christening mug, so did his godfather and so did someone else! We were not asked to contribute anything else, although we did offer.

put

Since your DS has said he'll pay for everything, couldn't you pretend the DiL request never happened and just do what you think appropriate and what you would have done anyway if you hadn't been asked for money? If you want to donate some money, write your son a cheque.

I'd hate to be out in such a position myself. Good luck.

louisamay as your DS has said that he will pay for everything, why not bring the subject up when they are both together with you?
Maybe you could just say you are a little confused that DiL asked you about money towards the christening, last time you saw her, as you understood that DS was paying for everything.
Obviously you don't want to cause trouble between them but there isn't any good way to sort this out without getting both of them involved at the same time.

(I liked the idea about asking DiL to bill you for whatever is eaten & drunk by your friends and relatives.)

She sounds a joy! When my three GC were born I started a ten year insurance policy for each of them, putting in ten pounds a month. (I was still working then). I got disgruntled that they didn't make much profit but the pleasure and thrill the children got at age ten of a real cheque for over £1000 addressed to them was indescribable.

Actually the only one of his that DBH likes from his christening is his great-grandfather's solid silver sports cup that he must have won during his last year at school in the 1800s. Can you imagine being given one nowadays?

My father used to compete at Bisley for an RAF shooting team. When he died I saved all the engraved tankards he had won and gave them to our DGSs for christening presents.

At least they're unique

NOOOOO! Not the mug! Poor DD got three. DS got two.

Things they got -

Silver crosses. Silver-plated money boxes. Photo frames. Jewellery box. Silver cutlery. Enamelled silver spoons. Baby pottery bowls and mugs sets. (preferable to the christening mugs) Peter Rabbit stuff. Watership Down stuff. Silver bangles, charm bracelet. A gold crown (money for DS as an investment, not headgear!) Premium bonds. Bibles, really nice ones. They actually really like their bibles. To them it seems a bit like owning an instant antique. Someone bought DS a dictionary. Some people gave cheques.

Last year on DS's 18th MiL insisted on buying him an engraved tankard. I begged her not to. I asked her to at least only have his name on it and that it should be glass.

But no. Along came a silver-plated date of birth, name, 18 tankard. He looked at it, put it back in the box and said 'Put it with the christening mugs, I'll have a look on eBay one day, maybe there will be someone out there who wants a mug with my name on it.'!

I still have my christening mug (in almost pristine condition after 74 years), though I can't remember who gave it to me - not surprisingly as I was only 3 months old at the time. Do make sure it's suitably engraved so that he knows it's his. Since he's a boy, perhaps a small tankard would be most acceptable. Or is that stereotyping?

Do check first whether anyone else will be buying a Christening mug - you'd be surprised how many guests will think it's the thing to buy as a present even if they're not relatives.

I think it's sad that what should be such an important occasion now so often seems to be just an excuse for a party.

The perfect present of course is a Christening mug. If you choose silver have it engraved or a pottery one and have the baby's name on it. I would hate to be asked for a contribution.

I agree with Sarah4 and others about the excessive parties. We organised and paid for my DGS's Christening,but it was in our home, and about 30 guests and was very informal.Also we offered to do it all, there is a big difference there with being asked to stump up money, which is not on at all.I would pay what you can easily afford, and buy a Christening present and smile! It's easy for families to be at loggerheads with each other about these sort of things, but you don't want that I'm sure.Good Luck.

It seems that christenings are going the way of weddings. Which now are all about the dress and flowers and the colour scheme and video etc. The beautiful wedding ceremony gets lost with people talking and taking photographs. Very sad. I would have been very upset at being asked so blatantly to contribute and wouldn't know what to do because I know how these things can get out of hand and cause trouble. For my GDS I made the cake and contributed items of food for the buffet. But it was only for about 20, family, Godparents and a few friends. I do hope it gets settled amicably. Don't be 'blackmailed'

I think it would be more accurate to call it an "excessive chistening party" assassination. That and the bold request for funding are what people think are unreasonable, not the DiL's entire character.

petallus I do take your point re. the posters son /father of the baby, although I think " character assassination of someone we have never met!" might be a tad strong!

After all, many of us post an opinion of those we have never met, on various threads, some of which are in the news, and might be thought of as "national property" others, such as GN members who are supporting their grown up children through marriage breakups, post their opinions/experiences of the ex (or to be ex) partner.

We seem to accept those without too much question!

This hasn't come out quite the way I wanted, but hopefully my meaning will be understood.

Well, it may be the sort of 'bit of a do' that is normal for louisamay's DIL's family - in which case that is fine for them.
For me and my family is would be OTT.

I didn't type anything rude about the DIL at all, I was just trying to type a £ sign and stars to denote a sum of £100 or above.

Another character assassination of someone we have never met!

As usual dad escapes all criticism. He must have agreed to the Christening.

I gave each grandchild £100-worth of Premium bonds and made a cake for their christenings.
It's greedy and rude to organise a huge party then expect contributions. Tell your daughter in law that you will give your grandson a little gift. Full stop. Do not let her bully you, imagine what she'll expect for his wedding if you give in now.

Or again (does it mean something rude and has been blocked?)

I typed £ and three stars. [cross]