Grandma wants to be Mum

Under the circumstances you've described any grandmother who suggests that the grandchild lives with them is way out of order in my view. Presumably your husband is repeating back to you what his mother says, so I wonder how he responds to his mother when she says these things? I would expect him to tell his mother that the child is well and happy, therefore how you both parent your child is none of her concern. I know it's much more difficult to change the status quo once arrangements have been going on for some time, but in your situation I would be saying that as long as your mother in law continues to undermine you then visits will be curtailed, perhaps limited to one or two days. I agree that you and your husband need to sit down and come to an agreement about how to handle this situation and it should be your husband who takes the driving seat in explaining things to his mum.

Sorry to hear about this. WE grans should know our place and most of us do. I live 100miles from DD2 and altough I sometimes stay overnight -when they are ill or when DD2 is off for a night or two away. Other times its there and back in one day. Don't let this get into such a habit it can't be broken.
Turn your phone OFF and the Skype. She can't have forgotten what you all look like in 3 weeks absence. If you can't face life without a phone then get another number. Freeze her out
If you don't stand up to her now it will only get worse.

I agree re timing.
I am having to learn this with my daughter.
3 days at most.

You must be a saint to have them 5 days a month. I think you have to be firm but kind. If they have a long way to travel then maybe very 6 to 8 weeks. However you do have to find a way to impress on her that it is YOUR home and YOUR child.

I am sure other grans on here will help you find the words.

Far too long. There's a saying that fish and guests stink after three days. Take control Vee and limit their stay to two nights.

Her Grandchild!!!!! She's not her anything......she is your baby.
Only recently I've ranted on to another rather 'involved' Grandma that being a Grandma is a privilege and has very little to do with biology. Its all about the relationship and those have to be negotiated.

You and your DH need to sit down and calmly talk this through - present a consistent and united front. Whatever this woman thinks she is, she's a guest in your house - and although she might have brought your DH into this world she has no right to influence the relationship you have with him or the one you are building with your baby.
I am no Bible quoting religious type but is there not something about not coming between a wife and husband!!

I'd just say that its probably not a good idea to involve your Mum too much in this otherwise there will be accusations of 'taking sides'. Just sort out how you want these visits to go.....fewer and for less time in my book....then stick to your end of the bargain with as good grace as you can muster and get on with your life. This is your child.....and quite frankly this lady needs to read a few of the threads on here about estranged Grandparents because she is a very lucky lady to have the amount of contact she does.

4/5 days would have been too long for me to have my in-laws in the house so frequently when our DCs were small. I sympathise as I was in a similar situation many years ago but we were 400 miles away so they had to stay for a few days, but not on a monthly basis, only a couple of times a year so I could grit my teeth. They were nice people but could drive me mad at times 'helping' and we couldn't go shopping without them wanting to pay for everything.

Is there any way you can tactfully reduce the time or frequency of these visits?
When DS1 and young family were 100 miles from us we used to go early, stay for lunch and come home before bedtime. We did that about every six weeks and all (I hope) enjoyed it.

Welcome Veevox, do hope that GNS can come up with some suggestions, does DH back you up or acquiesces to his mother?
Certainly sounds very overbearing to me, is this their first DGC? And could you make it not so convenient to visit (will need some creative thinking!) and switch off Skype as a starter......?

Just another note - my DS has recently moved into a house that needs major renovation, and FIL announced that he would be leaving work (he is retired but works part-time) in order to make the house his project and "help" renovate it.

I sat back waiting for the fireworks as I new that my DS would not be happy.
But nothing happened as my DIL who although loving her parents dearly,supported my DS and gently suggested to her Dad that it may not be a good idea etc etc.

So you see they both held the line together and it was settled - did hear that FIL was not happy about it though, but nothing he could do. DS and DIL hold a united front.

You need to sit your DH down and talk it all through. Then between you, you can decide what you want to happen. You must both be onside and support each other whatever you both decide.
Your house, your life and you are in charge of that, whatever anyone says. Remember together you stand but divided you may fall so make a concerted effort to both hold the line firm.

What a shame. Not all of us Grans are like this. Is the easiest thing just to say she cant come to stay? What does your mum say about it? I'm sure other grans will chip in with ideas. Good luck!

Explode away! - that is a very reasonable response. You can explode here any time.

What does your OH say about all this? Does he see it as unreasonable? Has he tried to talk to her about it?

It is hard for us grandmas as we do love our dear grandchildren with all our hearts - but we have to know our place!

I am sorry you are having this hassle. Sometimes it is difficult to know whether it is better to grin and bear it or to make an issue of it by trying to make fundamental changes. There is nothing worse than feeling your parenting skills are being undermined - none of us are perfect parents, but we all do our very best.

I think you and OH need to decide whether to tackle it or let it ride.

And no - you are not being unreasonable to find this irritating.

Please try and enjoy this time with your DD - the time will pass very quickly and enjoying her is a precious thing.