Christmas presents

I don't know what I have to do to persuade my children that when we say we don't want them to spend any money on presents for us, we mean it. Ideally I would like to arrive at a situation where we only buy presents for our young grandson and give a decent amount of readies to our two teenage step grandsons who are both impecunious students! The problem is, DH loves Christmas and gets a big kick out of spoiling everybody, and so the children feel they have to do the same, even when asked not to. I'm sure they all have better things to spend their money on. This whole orgy of spending is one of the things about Christmas that I find quite depressing.

Always wondered why MIL gave me a flannel and cheap bar of soap every Christmas.......I know she didn't like me ( because I married her son and his brother married my sister!), but seemed rather odd to me, am sure I didn't need a good wash!
She also 'recycled' presents so wasn't unusual for recipients to get back what they'd bought her!

Only give what you can afford and never ever get into debt to buy presents.

If your adult children have a problem with this hard cheese.

Nasty woman Stansgran. I hope she felt ashamed. X

I do not remember presents from my grandparents apart from a thin gold bracelet which had belonged to one gran and a cup saucer and plate with daffodils on it from the other. This must have been when I was into double figures . My aunt, a difficult woman ,immediately took the bracelet and said it was too nice for me and I never saw it again.

When my Granny was elderly and did not have a lot of spare cash, I always looked forward to her Christmas present. A diary, bought in aid of a charity. Useful and helped some people, given with love. Win, win all round. X

Bloody disgraceful attitude, if you ask me.

I'd like to think, that if I said to either of my sons that money was tight, and that I could only afford small gifts for the children this year, they'd say, "That's ok, Mum"

CREDIT CARD? Are you mad?

Centre yourselves darling. Be who YOU are, and stop allowing this bullying.

I've put a stop on actual toys as, like so many say, my DGS's are snowed under with them all, all over the living room I couldn't walk around last time I was there. So this year I have paid through the PDSA for a subscription to the childrens' club and my DGS's will receive care packs, magazines, colouring, information etc every month for the year ahead on various animals so teaching them and giving them something to look forward to receiving and also helps the charity who put my little doggie back together when she broke her leg five years ago. Win win I say.

The eldest is only three and already has a tablet because he wanted to use the laptop all the time. I'm not into giving into children that young, something I learned when my baby sister was born when I was 15. She had things early and then we had no options as she grew up because she had already had it all.

Plus just keeping on giving them presents all the time does no good in my opinion. How are they supposed to learn to value anything if they are surrounded in things? I'd rather teach them about nature, animals, the solar system etc, anything but keep buying into this culture we have now of computers and tablets for kids. Before that my DD used to plonk them both in front of CBBC for all day. And she is a youth worker.

When my children were still at school we had a friend who was a single mother of five. She used to buy expensive toys for her youngest, who always used to find them before Christmas, so mother would go and buy something else equally expensive. One year she bought three lots of presents because the child kept finding them. To finance this way of life she used to buy household appliances on HP and then stop making the payments. She reckoned that as she had a child under 5 she wouldn't be sent to prison! She seemed to get away with it but it was a bit galling for the rest of us who paid our bills and often resorted to jumble sales for Christmas presents.

As you get older, and options for earnings get fewer, you have to work to a tight budget. I have 5 children, 3 sons in law, 12 grandchildren and a great grandchild due in January, add to that 3 sisters to buy for. I don't get into debt because I have a strict budget for all. All my children, and older grandchildren, are aware that with inflation this won't increase and if my circumstances change will decrease. It's a simple matter of communication, I talk to them so they are never disappointed. However, no matter how poor I got, they would always get a little something, even if it was just a chocolate bar wrapped up with a pretty bow. One lesson I learned, as a working man, was always make your children aware of why they couldn't go to Disney World six times a year.

Like most of us, my DGC. Have far too many toys and 'stuff'
It was my DGD birthday a few days ago. I suppose I spent about £50 on several presents. She quickly ripped all the paper off them and asked me if there were any more!!!
I have told my DD that they will be getting one pressy each for Xmas.

I was talking about the grandsons there. Sorry missed that bit out. Don't spoil the daughters!

I think your husband needs to talk to his daughter.

My DH has been very ill for the last few months and unable to work. After 12th December he will get no pay at all. I explained to DDs who both understood. I've bought presents for DGC but DDs and SILs will have to wait until our finances are sorted out.

Well, I'm afraid my younger knows that his every wish will be granted once he puts it to Granny.

Funnily enough the older one is completely non-materialistic.

I never have the slightest idea of how much I have spent on individual Christmas presents but am certain that it varies from year to year and child to child. I do make sure that everyone has the same number of parcels to open and hope that what they find inside seems special and delightful.

Penelope Leach said something along the lines of - if you want to give a child something (or do something she asks you to) and it is a pleasure to do so, then you are not spoiling the child, but if you feel pressured by demanding behaviour or tantrums, then there is a risk of producing a spoilt child if you give in. Which agrees with what you said, Elegran. It means that giving your DGC something which you think they would like, and which you are comfortable with (whether in terms of price or anything else), can be simply a pleasure for both sides.

Yes, that's the meaning it has for me too, Elegran, but I can see that to some it means being extra-generous just for that one day (i.e. Christmas).

To me. "spoiling" means over-doing giving them nice things, it means showering them with so much that nothing comes as a welcome surprise. It also includes giving in if they throw a tantrum to get their own way when everyone else is inconvenienced, financially and socially, and not teaching them that other people have lives, and to say please and thank you, not demand and grab.

"Spoil" has the general meaning of turning something from good to - well, spoilt - and a spoilt child is one who could have been a good one.

That is not to say that they should never get presents, never be a bit indulged, always be told that they are in the wrong!

Well my DGD is a lovely, kind caring 14 year old (yes I know I would say that) but she is. She is thoughtful and sweet, despite a bit of spoiling from both sets of grandparents.

My grandchildren (adult now) and my great-grandson (4), have never been 'spoiled' by anyone, though. When they were younger, their parents were hard-up (like we were when they were growing up). Now that things are a bit easier, we do what we can for them. It's appreciated so much and it means a lot to us, too. I don't see that as spoiling.

I have a fridge magnet, bought by my DD, which says 'welcome to grandma's kitchen - children spoiled here'. I try not to though - well not TOO much.

I suppose the phrase must mean just buying them nice things to some, then. After all, no grandparent would want to deliberately turn their GC into spoilt brats, would they?

Actually, I think it's quite hard to spoil naturally nice kids. Especially when they've got naturally nice mums and dads.

Yeah alright! [finger down throat emoticon]

I don't think you spoil children by buying them nice things. You spoil them by too laid-back parenting.

No, it's not just you, phoenix...