To have got a bit cross and shouty...

I just tell her to go smelly, petallus. It might embarass her into being more efficient.

I would just tell her....

We'll see how it goes over the next week or two.

Good luck then. Do let us know

I'm also a member of the tough mother club.
I would tell my children that if their rooms weren't tidy for the cleaning lady (those were the days, but I did have a job!), I would chuck everything into a bin bag and leave it at the bottom of the garden!

I only did it once and they still remember now, and threaten their own children with the same.

As for them getting up when I called them........... a wet sponge in the face only happened once too!

#notmanychanceswithme

They do still love me though

My husband once 'tidied' our daughter's bedroom by putting all her clothes that were on the floor into a rubbish bag. She had no idea what the individual items were and husband would only give her back what she accurately asked for and described. It was never a problem again as most of her clothes from that day went to a charity shop.

I gave up on my DDs bedrooms! i did not enter them for a period of time..just let them fester! They grew out of it!

Their homes now are lovely!

Going back to finocchio's remark, which I know was said lightheartedly , I don't think real tantrums usually have reasonableness on their side. I did .

And when I said shouty, I only mean slightly louder than usual but a whole lot more forcefully – what might be called, jokingly, as a "takes no prisoners" voice.

I know what you mean, bags

Ella I used the same method to get my youngest son out of bed in the mornings.

kitty lester, that bugs me too !

DD1 was always an untidy child - really untidy and she hasn't improved. She and her DH live in a very small house with 2 small children but it is like entering student accommodation. They are inveterate hoarders of anything and everything - mostly useless or broken, there is 'stuff' everywhere - piles of clothes both clean and unclean, washing up teetering on the draining board, piles of papers and thousands of books. I don't imagine they will change now. It isn't as if she was brought up like that (she says huffily)

DS1 was always quite tidy. DS2 was the opposite. He was bad, really bad.
It was a relief when he went off to uni, but when he came back home to live at age 24 he was even worse, if that was humanly possible. He was still stroppy like a teenager, too. There were some horrendous rows.
Then he met the girl who is now his partner. 18 months ago (age 28) he moved in with her, and overnight he became a different person. He cooks, he cleans - totally domesticated. I don't know how she's done it, but she's certainly done a good job on him!

She'll have succeeded because of your good grounding, mamcaz. It went in even though he resisted it. Well done!

Sorry. Mispelled your name!

I'm beginning to think that Mr P has a condition, bin allergy.

He's a good man in so many ways, (his bath robe has "Best Chap" embroidered on it) but although he brings me a cup of tea most mornings, I often find the teabag on the edge of the sink. He also has a bit of a thing about milk. I buy a new carton, the old one may still have enough in it for a few cups of tea/coffee, but no, the minute he sees a new carton, that's the one he has to use. Depending on the supplier, there is either a plastic strip thing that you pull off from the rim of the cap, or a pull back white thing under the cap. Whichever, it is always left on the work surface.

I also refuse to gather his washing. We have a perfectly functional wicker basket in the bedroom, but he seems to prefer the floor, then wonders why his clothes seem to be covered in cat hair

When I am preparing to do a load, I place a plastic basket on the landing and ask him to put in whatever he wants washed. The number of odd socks that I find at the end of my laundry time is pretty impressive!

I have a secret place that I keep them in until they can be reunited with their matches! If I didn't, I'm sure he would adopt a "near enough" attitude.

Mine does. The number of times I've spotted him wearing one navy and one dark grey sock....mind you, I think he's a bit colour-blind anyway.

When I complained about my teenaged children, a very wise and older friend of mine said this: Before you know it, they'll be off and gone, and then you'll have the rest of your life to sit in a palace, if that's what you want. How very true. I now live alone, and the house is clean and tidy, but also sterile, without the mess and noise of my family. You people who are complaining about the shortcomings of your husbands and children should maybe think about how you would miss them!

gally what a relief to realise that someone else has a DD like mine. I cringe when I go, not often I admit as they live 300miles away. I am a very tidy being and have to bite my tongue and as you say she certainly does not follow my example. Is there a moral there? The sink and draining board in particular make me shudder.

I remember many years ago when I was complaining about my teenagers , my darling elderly neighbour said , "DON"t worry dear they will in years to come have their own teenagers , and will come to you complaining about the youth of today !

For six years, both of our sons were independent, and I didn't think that either would be returning to live with us. It was great!!!

DS2 (the untidy one) was first to come back, supposedly only for a couple of months, but it turned into over three years. While everyone assumed that I would be over the moon at having him home, the truth was that I dreaded it. And it turned out to be just as bad as I was imagining. Meanwhile, DS1's marriage broke down so he also returned home for nearly a year.

Now we are alone again, and long may it stay that way. Does that make me sound like a terrible mother?

Actually, I consider myself really fortunate - both sons have great partners and live only a few miles away. And we now have two DGCs to dote on too. We have our home - and sanity back - but are 'closer' to our sons than we could ever have hoped.

Wish there was an edit button on here - I would like to correct those glaring errors I've just spotted.

vegas so sorry, it must be hard to listen to us complaining when you would give anything to have some life back in your home. I guess that's the way of things, we don't know what we have until it's gone

Vegas I'm in the same situation, except that this weekend I have a very rare visit from DD and DGD age two!
DD is obsessive about sell by dates , hygiene, diet and vegetarianism!
I'm stressed!

I rather miss my son's Ukrainian ex. She was brought up to look after the "old" people and was always washing floors and tidying up.