Yes I am being unreasonable and I know it....

Thank you, Ella46. I think you might have a point actually. Maybe it is best to hang on to our independence for as long as we can. But it's just the thought of living alone for the rest of my life...... However, onwards and upwards! I will survive!.

There is a sneaky little part of me that hopes they all fall out, but I'm trying to rise above these unworthy thoughts!!! .
I ought to be, and AM, pleased that my son now has a tenant to ease his mortgage worries....truly I am!

Marelli. I can identify with what you say. Lots of cars in our road at weekends with offspring visiting moms/dads/grandparents but rarely outside our house. Feel that we've done something wrong.

I've always been looked on as a 'coper', and my family perhaps see that as reason not to phone and say, "You ok, Mum?" My eldest daughter regularly goes on holiday with her in-laws, and though says she really hates it now, she still goes along with her DH and DGD. They visit their house a few times a week, but rarely come here, although it's no further away than the in-laws. My younger DD has estranged herself again, and I'm just so, so glad that I still have steady and regular contact with her daughters (my adult granddaughters).
I really would love my family to 'want' me more, and recognise that I have to not show my neediness! I really do understand what Tegan is saying, and how she might be feeling .
Most of my friends have families who are always there for them, and offering to help with things - popping in now and again - that sort of thing, but mine just aren't like that.

They say you are treated the way you allow others to treat you and I'm sure that's true. I find it hard to say No whenever the family need help and I now feel they don't think before asking. Now Mum is in a nursing home we're planning a holiday in September where we can renew old friendships and have some fun without any family pressure.

When I have had a problem (as when I fell from the top of the stairs to the bottom (before DGD, )my dd did ask was I sure I didn't need her to come down.
I still DO NOT WANT TO BOTHER OTHERS

I think we do try to maintain the illusion that we are not old and needy and it sometimes bites us on the bum!!

I'm just grateful for what I get! As the mil is fit and live nearer she sees DGD twice a week. Me! At best once a month for less than 24hours!

LizG - So true - My kids think I am a strong woman because thats what I have shown them. I brought them up on my own from them being quite young and I had to be Dad & Mum to them,.They think I can cope with anything.

Sometimes I wish I had let them see my vulnerable side!

Go easy on yourself Tegan, you are not being unreasonable. Find something you would like to do and as maxgran says, pamper yourself. When you feel a bit better talk to your son and daughter and see if something could be arranged for the future.

Something my sister once said stuck in my mind although it probably has nothing to do with this, but: 'Because we are strong people think we don't have feelings; stick a pin in us and we bleed just the same'.

Tegan not sure if it would fill the gap or if it is finacially possible but why not just a women &children Autumn weekend? I go with my DDs &DGC . We leave the men behind.. You would get special time with DGCs and fewer people mean less opportunity for upsets!!

tegan Don't beat yourself up. I have had the same thoughts on this topic of the happy family gatherings of others as well.

Tegan,.. I do identify with your last post!

We only have ourselves to blame sometimes. I am also bad at visiting people or keeping in regular touch with old friends and yet when they have had get togethers I have felt 'left out' !
I totally get the feeling when another granny ( blood related or not!) gets to spend time with your grandkids when you don't!
OK - yes, its selfish to feel this way - but you aware of that and so am I - and its the awareness that prevents our feelings becoming a problem for others hopefully!

Nothing wrong in a bit of wallowing or self pity - and then 'let it go!' - but pamper yourself a bit first. Thats what I do and then I feel ok and wonder why I was being so sensitive and vulnerable!
We deserve some self indulgence!

Hugs for all of us!

If they were going with a group of friends I'd be fine about it; it's the thought that 'another granny' [who isn't their granny] will be able to see the children playing on the beach. My ex dropped by at the weekend as well, needing a lift..he was on his way to a meet up with a few of his uni chums [they used to be my friends as well]. I asked to be remembered to them . Funny how, sometimes our lives seem to 'implode'. But then I've never been good at visiting people and he was the one that kept the friendships going [and get togethers did involve a lot of drinking which I don't do]. But I've just been talking to someone whose life is far worse than mine and I'm feeling very selfish. Sometimes it's easier to have a grievance about something that is justified [then you can really get your teeth into it!] than one that is just a bit silly.

Henetha, I think you had a lucky escape not being able to rent half of your ds's house, there were a lot of opportunities for it to go wrong, and I bet the new 'best friend tenants' won't last long without a fall out of some kind.

I think a little distance is better in a relationship

Oh Tegan - how hard it is being a grandparent - or a parent for that matter!

We have a had several big family holidays which have worked out well - thank goodness. And I would love to do it every year! - but I have to bite the bullet and realise that the children have their own roads to follow in life and we cannot expect to do this all the time.

I know how you feel - I guess lots of us do - and it is hard.

You are not being unreasonable - as someone else said "just human."

I too share the thoughts in your last post - my Mum was a nagger and lacked the capacity to enjoy life, so being with her was not the joy it should have been. She and my dad moved to a holiday resort when they retired and assumed that we would all be there every summer for our holidays. But we did not go very often - I could not stand the atmosphere at home and did not want my children to have to endure it. But I can now understand how hurtful she must have found this.

I am chastened by my DDs' greater sensitivity towards us and never sure I deserve it.

Have a whole handful of hugs!!

How about organising a weekend away instead of a longer period? This could be arranged somewhere where there is lots to do or near a theme park that the grandchildren would like. Perhaps you could get there early on Friday and cook a meal etc ready for everyone else to come after work/school. If you then had an 'outing' on Sat (or let people organise their own activitis and got fish and chips for tea. Then Sunday go for a pub lunch and everyone goes home afterwards. I know this works as a friend of mine has done it a couple of times for her (large) family as she only has a small flat and can't fit them all in. Just a suggestion - I can entirely agree that DC can be the devil to get to commit to doing anything!

Great idea about another meet up kitty

Me too Tegan. I know my mum longed to have a seaside holiday with my children but I never even gave her a day trip. And that's only the half of it. [Ashamedbuttoolate] emoticon

Tegan - lots of things going on in your life at the moment, big changes, retirement looming etc, no wonder you feel 'abandoned'.

Can we organise another East Mids meetup or at least a coffee? You can chunter to your heart's content if you want to.

Our three daughters are trying to organise a big family holiday at Centre Parcs next year for the three of them, 3 SiL, 6 children and a dog. We are trying to find out the date so we can go in the opposite direction!!

I love all my children and grandchildren dearly (and quite like some of my SiL) but the idea of all of them together in alien surroundings fills me with horror - no escape!!

Oh I deserve hellfireanddamnation for the way I treated my poor mum.

Me neither but that's the way it is.
Once our children are grown we have to let go and not have expectations - They have new lives and new people who take priority over us - They are OUR priority and always will be but it is a hard adjustment to make.

One thing you can probably be sure of is that they will always love you and 'need' to know they are loved by you because its a bond that cannot be broken even though they have new priorities.

I often wonder how my mother must have felt at times when I look back... but I know at the time, I probably never gave it a second thought!

But, at the end of the day who is the first person they contact when they need help even though I wouldn't want it any other way.

I have 'waves' of feeling like this too Tegan,
Our children have their own busy lives and plans but I do see them often. I would love a big family holiday but in reality I do know they could end up in disaster as not everyone gets on well all the time!
My partner would rather not go on holiday my the kids and their children and he cannot understand why it bothers me.

I realised too that its pressure on the kids to try to keep everyone happy - us and the in-laws etc.
I know both my children would love us all to spend a holiday together because they and I are very close - but that doesn't mean their spouses or mine necessarily feel the same about it.

I think we often have an idyllic view of these things - which in reality may not turn out the way we plan in our minds.
I have had to learn to let it go and just enjoy the occasions we DO spend together.

I put it down to the fact that I can't bake cakes . In fact, I can't cook, full stop.

Tegan big hug, you're not being unreasonable, just human. Do you think maybe this has been your dream, this idyllic seaside family holiday - maybe your children didn't know or maybe it wouldn't be their choice? Personally I'd run a mile from the idea of an extended family holiday, the potential for upset is too great. It's funny as my DD1 keeps suggesting it, a dozen of us - I see it as two weeks of eggshell treading.