cut out of thier lives 2

Afternoon Celebgran. Isn't it frustrating when everything grinds to a halt when a computer system goes on the blink. Try not to worry about your heart scan. May be your raised BP and breathlessness is due to stress. As Yogagirl says, our bodies do react badly to it. Since our nightmare began, I've had a couple of panic attacks that were so bad I could barely breath.

We cleared out our attic a couple of weeks ago and found it strangely therapeutic. We'd kept some of our nasty S's boys toys in case he ever had a son of his own. They're in the skip now; pity we couldn't put him in there with them. Enjoy your .

Hello there Yogagirl I know what you mean about the roller coaster of emotions. It's weird isn't it how one moment we can experience feelings of love and the next, hate. Don't they say there's a very fine line between love and hate? Whoops back on to my sayings again .

Hope you don't wake up again tomorrow in the early hours, but if you do here's a for you.

http://www.deconstructingjezebel.com/narcissitic-soninlaw-and-i-had-words-and-i-have-lost-a-lot-from-it.html#comments

Morning Girls
Keep babbling on Smileless, I really liked that quote from D.R. I will relay it to my ND when she ph's, she always ph me in the morning on her way to work. Keep up the good work at the gym, the pain will ease, just think of those slim thighs
Hello Celebgran Sorry to hear about your probs at the hospital. I did say on here b4 , that I have always been fit and healthy, never going to the Dc. but when all this hell began I was at the Dc a lot. I thought I had a brain tumor, cancer, I was put on a heart monitor for a week and on and on, nothing wrong with me, so down to the stress my s.i.l's putting me through! The body really reacts to stress!
I know what you mean about 'being easier', one minute I long to see my D again and then the next I hate her for what she's done and think I never want to see her ever again! The terrible sadness never goes, one year on and I'mstill in pain, still think of them every min of the day and awake early hours thinking of them, i have to get up and make a cup of tea, only way to ease my mind.
That forum is on Narcissim, I'll get you the link, it's very interesting, I got an interesting couple of replies from my last post, its a small forum, only one page, think its called 'deconstructingjezebel', but as I say I'll get the link for you.

Oh dear doctors appt was stressful computers down horrid receptionist put some one in before me despite me showing her my diary ! Kept bleating then computers are down we do t know who's next! Grrrrrrrrr doctor was lovely butane is leaving! Had not got blood test results all electronic! Oh dear whole thing seizes up genus referring me for heart sca. And to see specialist as he feels concerned about my breathlessness ! Bit anxious about that. Said my b pressure bit. Enter he reckons will come down take about month of reducing hrt.

The we took our elderly neibor to look at beds, she can't hear, was fun! Bless her she does look after Rosie for us but oh gosh what stressful day !

What forum is that yogagirl not grannynet?
Oh well times for
Also we tried sort garage and of course still all Tor stuff waiting for my lovely but unreliable brother to collect grrrrr again.

Tomorrow has got to be better!
Reckon we will be taking stuff over with
PResents, have dumped lot more now just kept few books sentimental stuff etc as the callous bitch did say it is just an excuse to go over there! Sorry but my daughter has got lot to answer for. Shame I still care about her would be so much easier if didn't!

Afternoon every one. It was lovely here this morning so I had a nice walk. Well it began rather slowly as my legs were aching from the day before. I know there's supposed to be no gain with out pain, but I could do with a little more gain and a little less pain!

Speaking of pain my d.i.l. appeared to be nice, polite and understanding when we first met her Yogagirl; no wonder appearances can be deceptive. There's a line I remember from an old Diana Ross song (don't remember the name of the song) which goes "the devil's workshop is a busy place, on top of evil it puts and innocent face". Come to think of it, I couldn't honestly say she has an innocent face; maybe that was a clue? And going back to the pain and gain thing, as far as she is concerned, we've had a great deal of pain and absolutely no gain whatsoever! Who thinks up these sayings? And why am I wasting my time and yours babbling on about them?

Hope you all have a relaxed and pleasant evening.

Hello, just on here quickly,between work.
Just been on another forum that I went on right at the start of all this, it was about Narcissistic s.i.l/d.i.l. Same probs as us on here. But a s.i.l actually put a post on with the point of view from his side, trouble was he sounded nice, polite and understanding too, not a bit like our s.i.l/d.i.l
Smileless good luck with your gym and 'boot camp', hope you win the 'glamorous gran' compition here's a [cake] for after

Morning every one. Wow you were an early bird this morning Yogagirl. Yes Cruella would be a good one, but she's more attractive than my d.i.l. and I dare say much nicer! Been to the gym again this morning to a 'boot camp' class; hard work but great fun. May be a silver lining to my enormous cloud might be that I end up trimmer and fitter than I've ever been before. May be I could go in for a glamorous gran competition. Just think of the publicity if I happened to win (well there's no harm in dreaming) but then had to be disqualified bec. I'm not allowed to see my gs.!

I think you and your ND are doing the right thing by keeping quiet over Christmas, that's the tactic we are going for. Aren't we lucky; you have a ND and I have a NS and a N.d.i.l. Your ND being so supportive of you just goes to show what a great mum you must be.

I'm glad I cheered you up, your posts always bring a to my face

Morning Girls
Well CelebgranYou have certainly sorted your leisure time out very well, hope you enjoy it all, sounds great. Congratulations to your hubby, your D should be very proud of him and no doubt s.i.l very jealous! Im afraid, after my dealings with the courts, I don't have any faith in the law anymore, but I can't think they would arrest you for giving Xmas gifts at Christmas time, surely not!! As for me and my ND we are going to keep very quiet and hope that will wake my D up! Pleased for you that your little problem with your 'friend' is sorted, we don't need anymore unpleasantness in our lives, than we've already got, do we.
Hello Nanban lovely to hear from you, hope you're keeping well and happy and enjoying your reunion with your loved ones
Nice to hear you are back on a level footing with your m.i.l Smileless, best to keep it that way and to continue to pretend all is well. As for names for your dear d.i.l Cruella springs to mind. Three weeks in Florida sounds fabulous darling. No I didn't watch 'c.d.w.m' wish I had, to take a look at what your d.i.l is like. And yes your post did bring a big smile to my face, so thanks for cheering me up

for your lovely post Nanban who needs an understanding m.i.l. when a few taps on the key board puts me in touch with such lovely ladies. Thank you for making me . I shed a little tear too but for all the right reasons.

You mean you thought I'd been out on the razzle Yogagirl ; with my m.i.l.!. No such luck I'm afraid, still a few more glasses of could well have made the evening go better, that or I wouldn't have really cared. I'll have to think about that for our next meeting. Maybe I could slip an bit of the hard stuff in to her ; plenty of time to plan my next move as I wont be seeing her for a while. Spoke on the 'phone today and pretended that every thing was OK. I really am grateful that my lovely S avoided contamination. Knowing what some of you lovely ladies have been through I realise how much worse things could have been for us.

Just been watching 'come dine with me' on more 4. If any of you saw it, the pain in the bum, I want to be the centre of attention, I like you one minute and hate you the next blonde was just like our d.i.l.! (She is a bottle blonde) Thank goodness she is still single. Hope she stays that way and never becomes a d.i.l. from hell to some poor unsuspecting family.

I've seen that film Yogagirl and you're right it is a lovely and moving story. What a perfect name for your s.i.l. 'Rasputin' can you think of a female equivalent for my d.i.l.? What do you think to 'Raspukin'? Oh thank goodness for that, I think my sense of humour is coming back. If I haven't managed to make you laugh Yogagirl I'll try again tomorrow.

Knowing that you got in to trouble with the police for taking a bday present to your own gd. is truly a Celebgran. Congrats. to your hubby for him and for you.

Glad that you are planning and looking forward to your future holidays. We go to our place in Florida on Sunday for 3 weeks. Hubby has to take the laptop and his tablet bec. I want to be able to keep in touch with you all. and can't type unless I have a proper key board.

Hubby was right (happens about once a year) I am a gransnet groupie.

A good nights sleep for us all and for a good day tomorrow.

Hello all, how lovely it would be to pop back in and find good news and happy days all round! How absolutely destructive and pointless living life just to hurt and using lovely little children as weapons of control.

No-one on the 'outside' can begin to understand the pain and grief that invades every inch of life. We become different people, we react differently, we see people differently - and not in a good way. We grieve and it makes us ill.

What to do? Keep going forward. Never give up. Stay true. Nothing is for ever and what a lovely day it will be for everyone when 'your day' arrives. And it will and the sad times will disappear into the past.

Meanwhile, be kind to yourselves - you are much too nice to be hurt.

Evening ladies at my side! Hope your day bee better smiless. Life can seem give us raw deal. I posted photo of my dear husband honorary graduation (he been pharmacist for over 40 years and Leicester chose him for award ceremnony etc gown job and he was
PResented with his degree in his day it was low key) to my daughter and also sent picture of myn3 great nieces to my niece who has blanked me, they taken when we saw little ones nativity last Xmas.

Thanks girls yes I will walk to door head held high. That article yogagirl made me wince as thought I was arrested for taking. Mollie first birthday
PResent over so could it happen again? Have since got permission from police for gifts cards on appropriate occasions. Also our mp wrote to police and they responded saying we don't have warning as that implies wrong doing and they accept we done nothing wrong, right why was I arrested the ? And interviewed on separate occasion for sending our daughter birthday card!

Oh well went to do my 2 reg ladies and sadly the nicer one is in hospital she is 80 hope she recovers ok .
Cold wet and very miserable here. My dear oh has booked a week away at warners nidd hall next July for our anniversary! Also booked take me see Elton John he coming to Colchester next June!
What with that and hol to crete in May and cliff in Belgium end may yippee life goes on ! May as well try be happy and enjoy it.

Lunch and wine sounded good yogagirl!
As said before smiless try not let m I law get to you very tactless of her surely she can understand hell you going through ?

Our friends husband has apologised and we are going still keep in touch with him his wife can xxxx off! You so right smiless don't need people like that. It was always her husband my oh friend who emailed and rang us we built up good email friendship and he said can we continue also sweetly asked if I would like to go along with Gra some times when they meet up.mmfeel lot better about it now.
Happy evening and sleep well to you all x

Hello Girls
I took a look at that Daily mail articular Celebgran, I was having trouble finding it and first came across an horrendous story about a Grandmother fighting for custody of her GD along with her D (child's mother). The grandmother said she had practically bought the little girl up until she was 6yrs, when the s.i.l and her D split, he got custody along with the new girlfriend, ended in the little girl being killed by the girlfriend and put in a bin!!!! I did then go on to see the other article, so sad, so bad!
A friend of mine told me to watch 'Anastasia' the film about the Russian Royal family. The Grandmother and GrandD were separated in the struggle to escape, the GM search for her GD for 10yrs and they were finally reunited when Anastasia was a young women, so very touching, if you watch it, Rasputin is my s.i.l, no really! (cartoon version)
That will teach you to go out on the razzel Smileless Lol, hope your feeling better today. What you said about your mi.l and all her GC and GGC; life is so unfair isn't it But thank your lucky stars that your other S was not 'taken over to the dark side'!!!

Afternoon ladies. It was good to hear about your BP Celebgran but to learn about your recent upset. Seems to me you're better off without someone like that in your social circle. I hope if you decide to knock on the door with your xmas gifts that something good will come of it.

Glad yesterday has been and gone; what an awful day. Woke up with headache that didn't go until about 5.00pm. Hubby also felt rough; headache and chest pains. with my self letting my m.i.l. get to me; I've known her for over 35 years so should be used to her by now. B.i.l. spoke to her yesterday and told her how hurtful her thoughtless comments can be. She doesn't want to take sides bec. she wants to be able to see our g.s. Not asking her to take sides just wish she would show my h some support. He is such a lovely, wonderful man. She has 5 children, 8 g.c. and 5 g.c.c. and sees them all. We have 2 sons; one has cut us out and the other is in Aus. and our only g.s. is beyond our reach. Come on m.i.l. let's have some compassion!! I'm very tempted to tell her that I have found this forum and have received more understanding and support from lovely ladies who I have never actually met - I wont of course.

So pleased that you had a nice day yesterday Yogagirl and enjoyed your . As you say, we are bound to be particularly sensitive to the smallest of things bec. of what we are all going through.

I should be thankful that my d.i.l. has only succeeded in contaminating my s and no other family members. She and my s tried to come between us and our other s before he went to Aus. We had some unpleasant conversations but no real harm was done. Skyped him yesterday. Oh I miss him sooo much and April still seems so far away. Devious is a good one Yogagirl we think toxic sums up our d.i.l. rather well too.

Evening ladies
You'll be please to hear I've not much to say tonight
Went out to lunch with my friend, after doing a little 'work' this morning. We had a lovely afternoon eating our lunch overlooking the sea, with a nice glass of wine, heaven
Hello Celebgran you've been quiet! I think with this awful situation, we are all in, it becomes very hard to cope with even the smallest of upsets and I think we get easily upset and are more sensitive than we would normally be, I know I am, so try not to get upset, you have enough to deal with. And for sure, all this upset does contaminate the whole and extended family, it doesn't just stop with us. Glad to hear your BP has lowered, very important to keep it that way. Knock on the door with your Xmas gifts Celebgran, don't just leave them on the step, its the time of 'good will to all men', you never know, something may happen , worth a try! I will take a look at that article in the mail in a min. that's the good thing about the internet.
Hello Smileless, yes I think you're best not pulling your m.i.l about the situation, it could lead to an argument, give the same message but in a subtle, hidden way. As you say, they have lost all the help you would have given them, they must realize and be sorry for this, if not for anything else! Re your last sentence; perhaps a be a bit of both then, but clever is not the right word, devious would be more apt!

God am awful on this thing meant fasting blood test and blood pressure so pleased bit lower!

Morning or rather afternoon ladies! I a feeling fragile so seem look for upsets is horrid, we were due have friends for meal i. 2 weeks my oh went out with the chap they been friends since school and he casually said they not coming his wife who is a strange person booked theatre trip London with her friend .
Sorry but I just thought how rude, I already asked if we could go out for Lunch hd she said don't do lunches! Gets. Muchworse I fired off email bit pointed saying could have at least told me direct, the. Thurs a rude text came saying this woman never liked me etc. etc. I was in tears. Kind of happy ending have spoke. To oh friend and we all 3 going keep in touch she can go to hell, pleased for oh as they went school together.

Sorry abut that rant. My be pressure bit better gradually halved hrt on thurs could be coincidence? Seeing doctor wed had b test fading one Friday.

Smiless try not to rise to the awful poison your oh mum will know truth surely?
This does spread. I have l lost my niece and 3 great nieces as indirect connection to my daughter treatment of us.

Is nearly 5 years for us cannot hardly believe it at times,
Yogagirl keep boogie going and don't let it ruin your enjoyment of good things in life, but boy can I feel for you. Not sure if it is more upsetting to see photos of your little Laila or be like us not even that my daughter puts.nothing on Facebook and would not let my oh have photo in case built our hopes up!
Just that one glimpse of mollie last Xmas since she was babe of 9 months.
Have bought pretty top for her and some Xmas sweets for her and Daisy and getting pretty cuddly toy for new babe not spending loads this year but am taking over to leave on step pray that s I law not there!

Did anyone see mail yesterday about grandma take to court for trying see her estranged grand kids, her son was dead and his widow stopped her seeing them! Case was thrown out but how horrid it even got to court!
happy peaceful Sunday to you all x x x

Wish I hadn't stayed up so late Yogagirl; feel rotten this morning. I don't think I'll waste my time going to see my m.i.l. What's the point? If she can't see for herself how her disloyalty is hurting her S then nothing I say is going to make any difference.

I keep telling my hubby that he would be better off not asking her if she has seen or heard from our S. All he's doing is opening the door for her to come out with her stupid comments. She told him that they are struggling; our gs has never slept through the night, our S is studying for a degree and what with that and his job never has any free time.

We have own business and at the end of 2011 closed down our second shop which I used to run. I don't go out to work now, do the accounts for the bus. from home and that only takes me a few hours a week. I was supposed to help out with child care for our gs. Never happened of course. Before all this happened I told them that if he wasn't going through the night when she went back to work that he could come to us one night a week. One bad night a week wouldn't bother me and at least they would have one decent nights' sleep.

So if they are struggling it serves them right doesn't it. They could have had as much help from me as they needed but have def. cut off their noses to spite their faces.

Are my d.i.l. and your s.i.l. really that clever or are the people they surround themselves with just stupid?

Ah! Smileless You are a naughty girl up on here at 01.24, I thought I was late!
My s.i.l did want your d.i.l is doing now, pathological liers are very convincing as they believe their own lies! My s.i.l took away my previous f.i.l that I had been friendly with for 36yrs, we would even have Xmas dinner together, did last year and the year b4, many times he and the rest of my ex i.l's would come to my home for Xmas, even though I have been divorced from his son/brother for 20yrs! s.i.l also took away my son with whom I had never had one bad word with! Ive made up with my son now(almost a year without talking), but we've not yet spoken about the situation, I don't want to scare him off. I hav'nt spoken to my pr.f.i.l since last Xmas day, he wouldn't take my ph calls or reply to my e-mails, so now a year down the line, that's it. What my nasty s.i.l has said I have done I don't know, but I know I did and said nothing wrong. These nasty people are so powerful, my s.i.l has certainly 'won' the game, evil has prevailed over good this time, I wonder where God is?
My heart goes out to you Smileless, we are in the same boat and we will both go through ups and downs in this horrid situation. I felt down last night too, so didn't sleep well again. My ND txt to say 'new pic of Jenni and Laila on her FB', so I reluctantly went on, but no pics, my ND, then told me she had already sent them privately to my FB page (good job she did, as D had obv. taken them off again), anyway, my D had long black hair (normally blonde) and my little Laila's hair was so much longer, and her legs (D holding Laila) than when I'd last seen her. I studied the pics for ages, they upset me because they looked so different and I've missed little Laila growing taller all this last year
to cheer you up Smileless

I hope you are sleeping as I type this post and don't read until the morning. We went out for a meal with my m.i.l and b.i.l. for my hubby's bday. which isn't until next Saturday. While I and my m.i.l. were at the ladies my b.i.l. told my hubby that our horrid d.i.l. and S were laying it on thick with my hubby's mum; you know trying to play the sympathy card and I assume are trying to come between my hubby and his mum.

I all of sudden feel completely deflated. I am going to see m.i.l. on Monday to warn her that she is risking her relationship with her own son. He is so lovely, how can she not see what she (my horirble d.i.l.) is doing? My S and his wife will come between him and his mother over my dead body.

And yet I suddenly feel so tired. Not sure my hubby is up for the fight. I thought I was doing so well but now I am not so sure. Sorry ladies I just don't know how much more I can take.

Evening girls
KioraI wrongly thought you were separated for 6mnths, but 5yrs OMG!!
That switch that turned on in your D head, could she send it to my D please? When my D stayed with me during their 'big fight' she said to me "mum, it's like the fog has lifted from my brain, and I can think clearly again for the first time in ages"!!
My s.i.l also has a switch in his head, but for hate! When my D first met him, he and his family where buzzing about his previous girlfriend, he lived in her flat and then at the end of their relationship, his girlfriend would come home from a hard days work as a bank manager for Lloyds bank, he would have a girl lying with him on the settee,because his girlfriend just walked pass them and into the kitchen to make a cup of tea, he (s.i.l) said "she's mad, she needs to be put in a mental hospital" (because of tea making) it was her flat, what was she to do? When they split his girlfriend said he left her loads of debts,so this is when we came into the picture. My s.i.l's mother was bleating on about the debts and showing me lots of paper work she had compiled for her son (my s.i.l) to dispute this, I didn't read them. His previous girlfriend was only ever referred to as 'the fat cow', not just by my s.i.l but also his whole family! So when my D first met him (s.i.l) he hated his previous girlfriend, a year later this hate transferred onto my D and then from there onto me!, now I'm out of the picture I wonder where the hate switch will point to next, as he obviously has to have someone in his life to hate at all times. I fear though that the hate switch will still be pointed at me for some years to come, but I hope it points to someone else soon, as long as its not my Laila, don't think it would be his son Jack (my GS).
I hope I get that telephone call that you got from your D Kiorait must have been wonderful How cruel was your s.i.l to know you travelled 400ml round trip and then only let you wave up at the window to your GC! Such a lovely end to your post, your GS saying you were the most important, loving people in his life, after his parents Thank you for sharing all this with us
Smileless you don't need to apologize, we all knew it was a joke, and its nice to have someone trying to bring a smile to our faces, so thank you for that
Night, Night all

Hi there newist I have only just come across your follow up posts on page 12. As I have explained I'm a bit of a technophobe and didn't realise that once we had gone on to page 13, there would be additional posts on page 12 that I hadn't seen. Thank you for the .

I hope that you too see your terrible situation resolved. Wouldn't it be lovely if one day we were all chatting on a site entitled 'grand parents re-united with their longed for grand children'. Perhaps one day we will and we'll have changed our 'names' to Smilingagain2012 and Smilingagain1979

Oh Yogagirl it was lovely to read your post. Unless some one is unfortunate enough to be in our sit. they cannot poss. understand what we all go through, every day. I didn't think Newest had been on before; I hope they log on again and see my apology and have the good grace to accept it.

Did you sleep better last night? I do hope so. I'm sorry that you have been left feeling down. Logging on the first time today didn't do much for my spirits either. I'll have to try and think of something humerous to make you again.

for you in the mean time.

I'v been drawing an imaginary 'timeline' in my head. There were 2 years of no contact followed by 3 years of limited difficult contact but it was 8 years before she was strong enough to leave. So 13 years of worry and misery for everyone involved (apart from the s.o.a.b ex) then 18 months of legal wrangling. Perhaps this is why I find this thread so upsetting I can hardly believe it went on so long. So it was five years really that our relationship was terrible. It resolved spontaneously. Obviously he did something that made a switch in her head turn on. I was rushing out one morning and the telephone rang and it was her. She just pored her heart out and I comforted her. We have never really had a heart to heart about it. What would be the point I was just so very very grateful to have her back, my girl my lovely lovely girl. It hasn't been plain sailing, I had to watch helpless as the emotional abuse took its toll for another 8 years until finally it got so bad she had no choice but to flee. she was very badly damaged and her life continues to be difficult and she needs masses of support from her dad and myself but there is a chink of light (I hope) but all the problems we have to deal with now are nothing in comparison to the terrible pain of those five lost years. Lots of friends wanted us to give up on her but I never never once contemplated that. No matter how hard it got. At one time we had to travel a 400 mile round trip to be kept on the doorstep only allowed to wave up at the window to our grandchildren. Was it worth it. A resounding yes. Our reward is that when a few ago a teacher asked our 15 year old autistic grandson who were the most important loving people in his life apart from his mum he said "nanna and grandad" us

Morning Girls
Smileless you must stop this!...I laughed all the way through your post, including the prayer. I am a Christian, I get on my knees each and every night and pray to God with a Bible in hand, and a tiny little pair of socks from my darling Laila, they were left from when she lived here with me, b4 nasty s.i.l came on the scene! Interesting about the wedding situ. No doubt my D is saying same to her m.i.l, but my D needs reminding that her m.i.l was head of the pack, when they all turned on her (his family), and it was she who had my D children during the time he kept her out of their family home and away from her babies. I'm sure this was the master plan all along. s.i.l's mother has never worked, all her children grown and leading there own lives, so she wanted my Jenni's, my previous GC, and thats why I was cut out of their lives, because I foiled there master plan.

I'm truely saddened when we get someone come on here that we've not heard of b4 and want to have a go at us when they know we are in mourning for our beloved GC, it's not the page to do this,stay-off! I've seen commence like this on the other link on this subject and I wouldn't go on because of.
Normally when I come on here my spirits lift a bit with our 'chat', now I'm feeling down.