Dying - to tell or not to tell

Of course it's sad - not the dying, but our living is sad. And if at the point of no return, no second chance, the person we love and miss so desperately, turfs up to say sorry - there can be no starting over but the person must still die knowing there was the chance of a better life after all. I see death as peace at last and freedom from sadness and even that must be taken away maybe at the last moment. No, definitely not to tell.

nanban

(((hugs))) nanban

You are a lovely lot x

I think this is all about a question of choice, obvioulsy compliying and starting with with the dying persons wishes. I am sure in this senario great consideration would have been taken that there still maybe the possibility of rejection and that the 'estranged' may still not wish to rekindle contact under any circumstances. Only those directly involved know the truth of the estrangement - so i think better suited to making any informed decision themsleves.
From an alternate viewpoint and i'm certain does not apply to anyone here as everybody seems very kind and helpful, but life in general is not so clear cut. I have during my life worked with some very unpleasant people - what should be the choice of a dying person who abused and who faced with death is only then seeking peace?

salamander In answer to your dilemma, the dying person can only request the estranged family member be told of the terminal illness. He or she cannot force that family member to respond.

I'm trying to imagine how I would feel if someone who had abused me left expressing remorse until their death bed. I can't say I feel too good about that.

What a difficult subject. The dying person, if given the choice, might wish to let the estranged person know of the situation; but what happens if the estranged person doesn't react, or reacts negatively? How would the dying person feel then? Whilst hopefully surrounded by those who do care, the thoughts might be more with the estranged person rather than those who are actively present and how would this make them feel? It's another case of the minority taking priority over the majority - though far, far more complex. The more I think about it the more difficult the scenario becomes.

A bit similar to organ donation - the only person whose wishes count are the ones who are either dying, or who have registered as a donor and no relative/looker on should be able to change that decision. Obviously in the absence of either of those two criteria, the decision then becomes very tricky.