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Grandma duties

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petra Wed 10-Apr-13 08:52:22

The simple answer is, no. It's funny that this was the first post I read this morning as today I will be having a conversation with my DD.
She wants us all to live together in one house. I spoke with a close friend yesterday and her opinion was that my DD wanted me there for baby sitting and my OH to do all the DIY and fix anything that needed fixing.
Very difficult. Not looking forward to it.

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shysal Wed 10-Apr-13 08:47:17

Welcome Jean. I would definitely advise staying where you are, as you are so happy there. When our offspring decide to start a family they should not expect us to take on childcare unless it suits all concerned. You have done your job as a mother in teaching them to be independant, so let them get on with it. We spend most of our lives caring for other family members, whether the older or the younger generation, they should understand that you deserve time to do what pleases you at some point.
I hope you are able to put this across gently but firmly, the last thing you want is a family split (you will read some heartbreaking stories on here).Time spent with grandchildren is wonderful and you have years of fun ahead.sunshine flowers

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Gally Wed 10-Apr-13 08:43:16

Hi Jellybean and welcome to GN.
I am sure you will have an avalanche of advice before the morning is out. If I were in your place, I would stay put. You have your friends around you, your new SO and you are happy. I too am 64 and have to decide where to go and what to do. My family are much further away than 80 miles and wouldn't expect me to move nearer just for babysitting purposes even if it was under the cover of 'it's for your benefit'. Your son and DIL have chosen to have a baby, so it's their problem to sort out if she wants to return to work. You can still visit to help out when necessary - always offers on rail and bus fares but don't change your life just for their convenience. I think your son should put family loyalty first and be happy for you in your present circumstances. Could he not help with your travel expenses?

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Notso Wed 10-Apr-13 08:40:36

Maybe your son and his family could move to live nearer to you if they're concerned about you needing their support? wink

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jellybeanjean Wed 10-Apr-13 08:33:36

Hi, I'm very new to Gransnet, I'm a very new Grandma, and I'd like some advice please! I live 80 miles away from my son, daughter in law and their lovely little girl and I see them as much as time (and money) allow. I live on a state pension plus a very small private pension, so money is always tight. My son has indicated recently that he feels I should move to be nearer them; he says it's because the older I get (I'm 64 - yes, absolutely ancient!) the more I'm likely to need their help, but I think it's more because they'd like some help with the baby when DIL returns to work. Nothing would give me more pleasure, but I can't afford the petrol to go up there that frequently and more importantly, I love where I live, I have a gorgeous new man in my life and I don't feel I should be expected to give that up for their benefit. I'm happier now than I've ever been after 38 years of married misery. But am I being unreasonable? My son says he would hope I'd put family loyalty first.

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