Toilet training a 3 year old

My mum also held me and my brother over the potty almost from day one. She insists that she never had a dirty nappy after the age of 6 months. She doesn't remember at what age we were fully potty trained, but is sure it was long before 18 months, which is the age when I potty trained my boys (one very successfully immediately, the other a little less so!).

Training DGS didn't start until he was over two, and was very problematic. He mastered weeing into the potty reasonably well, but like quite a few toddlers who have been mentioned, would only poo in a nappy! He would get really upset if it happened in the potty or toilet - he wasn't in pain, but was scared! We started to get worried because he began to hold it in for days on end, and was in danger of getting constipated, which could have made the problem much more serious. At that point, we all started to offer him a nappy if we could see that he needed to go. It's very disconcerting to have a two-and-a-half year old standing in front of you, staring straight at you as he strains into his nappy!!!
However, after a month or so of that, all our encouragement, our examples (yes, we have all shown him what we do!!! ), and bribery have worked and he is using the toilet quite happily.

I'd forgotten the spiders! Mainly dead and desiccated ones but the odd lurker very much alive.

I have 4 year old grand- daughters one was trained quickly and was dry at night at between 2.5 and 3 night and day . The other successfully dry in the day but is still unreliable at night at 4.5 and uses a night time pull-up under her pyjamas. The same child began holding onto her poo and crying and refusing to use the toilet. After being taken to see the GP she was found to have an anal fissure which is very painful and that was why she was holding on because it hurt to much to go poor child. She was prescribed medicine to help her pass a soft motion and still has this sometimes to help. We put a pasta shape into a jar every time she manages to go and when the jar is full she has a treat. The next treat is to be a visit to an aquarium as she loves watching fish. It proves all children are individual and we should check everything is physically ok before things get difficult.

My granddaughter nearly 4 and a half has been dry by day for nearly 2 years, but still uses a pull up nappy at night which is soaked by the morning. My children were dry both day and night before they were 2, and while I feel a lot of this is the nappies which are made to fit 5 year olds (and perhaps beyond for all I know) I find it strange. My gd doesnt have any particular problems with bowels, does not drink too much before bedtime and is a bright intelligent and well adjusted little person. I do have some grandparent friends with similar aged grandchildren most of whom are dry day and night so should I be concerned? She is a very heavy sleeper though, which may be the reason.

My dgs is ten and still has to wear a pull up at night. He has had tablets, an alarm, all sorts of different routines, to no avail.
He is a heavy sleeper too.
He has just been given tablets to reduce the amount of urine in his bladder at night.

silverlining48 I think it's a very rare child indeed who is dry day and night aged less than 2!

Aridane My parents apparently tried that one. Truby King style I believe.

I do think it's more to do with training parents than children. One can usually get a good idea when a small child is about to poo, they get that "look" in their eye.

I don't know! Potty training and the disintegration rates of toilet paper! What is becoming of GN?

Sorry, typo error, I meant they were both dry at night before they were 3. Obviously there will come a time when she no longer needs night time nappies but its a subject which seems sensitive to parents these days... so I dont mention it, just wondered about other gn's experience.

My 7 year old GD still wears pull-ups at night, although her twin sister has been completely dry for about 4 years! DD doesn't make a big thing about it, and we're just hoping she'll naturally grow out of it, but it does put rather a damper(!) on sleepovers etc in the meantime.

I have just had a quick look on mumsnet to see what they say, and feel reassured that 4 and still in nappies at night is fairly usual these days, something about a hormone which needs to kick in, and this wont happen until it happens. I have never heard of it and I wonder at just how much more our daughters know these days..........we just wanted to finish with our buckets of smelly dirty nappies and wooden spoons for 'mixing and mulching' tucked hygienically into a corner of the kitchen as soon as we could. Oh happy days. Hmmmmmmmmm. There are some interesting comments from some of today's mums about us 'old timers', so perhaps best to keep our own counsel re things child development related if we want to maintain a good relationship with all.

I think that when a child was in terry nappies they were very conscious of being wet. These days with disposable nappies the skin is kept dry and they don't experience the discomfort of a wet terry nappy. I think that this difference has had some effect on the age a child wants to give up nappies.

I agree re terry/ disposable nappies and late toilet training in the day but do think night wetting is a developmental /physical issue . Both my brothers were at primary school when they eventually became dry at night so it is not a modern phenomenon!

My DDs 2 years difference in age were both dry at night around the same time!

DD only seemed to get the idea of what doing a wee meant when we took her nappy off for a day. After a lot of puddles she seemed to suddenly connect that the idea of "doing a wee"with the water trickling down her leg.

She was more or less dry after that. I used the "Potty training in a day book". She was two and a quarter.

I do wonder if nappies at night might prolong the problem or just do a damage limitation job. I remember health visitors not being at all keen on trainer pants other than for special occaisions and visits out.

I remember having to rush my eldest daughter to the toilet as soon as she woke up or she would wet herself. My youngest didn't need or want to go first thing in the morning and would usually only need to go later in the morning. I think everyone is different.

My younger brother and sister (twins) both wet the bed at night until they were eight or older. D2's friend had the same problem and my grandson's six year old cousin (on his father's side) still wets the bed.

My son wet the bed well into his teens - hence no sleep overs - but he stopped in the end. I remember seeing an unfortunate middle aged man who had never stopped and had somehow survived an army career in spite of it.

I swear disposable nappies delay potty training - the babes don't realise they are wet ! A soggy terry is a great incentive ( and loads cheaper )

That may be true for babies, but not for older children who only wet at night. My DD has tried and tried again leaving the GD I mentioned above just in her pjs but she soaks those and her bottom sheet and doesn't even wake up. When she does, in the morning, she just accepts it as normal.

my DS was about 3.5 when i got an "alarm sheet" from the health visitor to try to train him, before we went on holiday to relatives.
i explained to him what should happen, with the sheet, and why it would be better if he was dry at night. he asked "what if i still wet at night when we go away?". i said "we can just take the sheet, so that you don't wet other people's beds".

the alarm went off a couple of times but the sheet was still dry, so i switched it off.
my DS was never wet at night again.

i think that having the situation explained to him, and his own wish not to feel embarrassed in front of others, had solved the problem.

We tried an alarm sheet with my son and it worked like a dream for a couple of nights then he jut started sleeping through it. Everyone else in the house would be woken up by it - but not him! Life would have been so much easier if we'd had all the disposables they sell for older children nowadays.

DS1 was totally dry both day and night from 18 months old, but then suddenly started wetting the bed when he was about 6 years old!
This problem continued until he was 12 or 13 years old.

We now know that the problem was that the need to wee was being incorporated into his dreams. He would dream that he had found a toilet to use and relieve himself, but of course he hadn't! He would wake up the instant he wet himself, but it was too late then. Luckily, he finally outgrew it.

I am sure that this must be a common cause of bedwetting in older children.

Exactly the same thing had happed to me when I was around 12 years old, but fortunately only a couple of times. Even now, when needing to go, I will often dream that I am searching for toilets - usually unsuccessfully - for ages before I wake up. Luckily, something in my subconscious prevents me from emptying my bladder in those dreams, but there is always that little fear in the back of my mind it might happen again!

I heard yesterday about my daughter's friend attempting to train her son 3 yrs old. She was on day 2 but had 2 wet pants and a poo sk 'couldn't be doing with that' so put him ba k into nappies. No staying power!

Penstemmon: I usually try not to be judgemental about people's personal decisions regarding such things as toilet training, but that example makes my blood boil. Does this woman avoid all aspects of parenthood that require effort on her part (discipline etc)? Will her son end up having to be trained at school by strangers, just to save her the trouble? Grrr!

And only 2 wet pants and one poo in 1 - 2 days sounds very moderate to me at the start of training! Grrrr again!!!

I can't decide if we are lucky or unlucky [G'Netters] as certainly both my own set of Grand-parents never had to change my nappy or even take me to the loo! They all lived locally to my family, but that was seen as a Mother's job [when visiting] and they never did any hands on Grand-parenting at all.

My friend's DGD was given a star for a treat every time she 'performed' no twos. She quickly got the idea so much so that she would make several trips to the potty depositing one poo at a time therefore totting up her stars. One day she managed 5. So 5 treats - she thought.

The Somalian culture have their babies out of nappies by around 8 months old!