Looking after 3 year old

I think wildswan16 summed it up by saying three year olds are not in charge.
That’s exactly how I feel, and even toddlers soon pick up on a reluctance to be firm from adults.
We’ve all witnessed situations where children most certainly do rule the roost and it’s not a pleasant sight.

Just to add that your feelings are perfectly normal Bungle. We know our own children are there and rely on us, GCs are another matter entirely and that worries us. But children do appreciate boundaries and feel safer with an adult who sets them. My DGS once screamed and yelled at me when I collected him from school because I wouldn't let him go off to his friend's house ,and said play dates had to be arranged in advance. He's fine with me now but he knows I won't give in to screaming so he doesn't do it. He does give me funny looks sometimes when he's trying to work out if I'll let him do what he wants.

By the way, the 4 year old mentioned above didn't want to visit one day last week "because I'm too busy" but cried when she had to go home!
All these things pass.

I am pretty firm with my grandchildren and whilst I may not be as sharp as I no doubt was with my own, I am still consistent and take no nonsense. I do always explain the "why" though - so there is a growing understanding of things not being just arbitrary. I explain (as I did with my own) the reasons I'm expecting them to do or not do something.
I've realised that my "most challenging" and single-minded granddaughter will pick up on these explanations and explain them to others later. She is very focused on "why" and is apparently better behaved with me than most other people... I think it's a bit of a fluke personally but I'd definitely try to give reasons and see if that helps.
Obviously if those reasons encourage the little one choose the "favoured" option then it's win-win.

Thank you for your support. I agree with your comments and know that's right. I'm really going to try and be firm when I think it need it. Feeling a bit more confident hearing that the grandchildren you mention never don't want to come to the grandparents even when rules are clear and followed.

Like Oldnproud I picked my battles, don't sweat the small stuff but keep boundaries in place when necessary. Children quickly learn how to manipulate the adults in their lives.

I understand perfectly how you feel, Bungle, as I've recently realized that I am far more careful not to 'upset' my dgd than I ever was with my own children.

That said, it's generally the small stuff that I am less strict on - things that would probably have earned my sons a smack, I'm now ashamed to admit. Older and wiser, I now pick my battles, as they say, and reserve stern Grandma (who obviously would no longer dream of smacking) for the more important stuff .

Part of caring for children includes the not so nice bits, setting boundaries is important to the child’s development. If you give in so that she wants to come to your house she will become so badly behaved that you wont want her there.

I have the same boundaries for my GC as I had for my children.

They know when I say no I mean it, doesn’t always stop them being mischievous but that’s part of being a child.

No good asking me, I’m the same, can’t bear to see them upset.

If they are not behaving appropriately then it does them no harm at all to be upset when asked to change that behaviour. If you aren't firm and consistent you will just make a rod for your own back. Ignore the complaining and she will soon give up.

She will just learn that if she cries and moans about something, then gran gives in and lets her do what she wants. Three year olds are not "in charge".

Remember also that being upset is a normal part of her day just like being content is. Most of it is water off a duck's back. Having a great big sobbing tantrum because she wants pudding before dinner, doesn't want to wear knickers under her dress, wants to fiddle with the thermostat (latest round of objections,) she's not really thinking about it all that much. I wouldn't either if I were you.
'Granny's house/car, Granny's rules' is what my daughters tell them and so far it doesn't stop them coming.

I agree with what rosie1959 has stated.
When i have had my g/children it`s my rules end of.
I never did have a problem with them either.

She’s testing the boundaries they all try it on, I have always been firm with my own children and my grandchildren in a nice way, it’s not nice to hear them get upset, but they do have to be told that’s the only way children learn, I’ve never had any say they don’t want to come to our house

My youngest is now four, and hopefully past the stage of telling me she hates me when I don’t let her have her own way. Despite that, she’s never wanted not to come here, and neither have her older sisters, who have coped with my boundaries for a lot longer.

You - and she - will be be fine.

I have my granddaughter 1 day a week and have been doing this since she was 6 months old.
I treat her the same way as I did my own I don’t worry about the small stuff but if she steps too far out of line she knows about it. If she gets upset then so be it she tends to know when nanny means no
It has never stopped her wanting to come to me children need fair boundaries