Looking after Grandchild ?

This Thursday will be our first child free Thursday in 6 years, as the youngest goes into preschool,nursery. We will be collecting him and his brother after school so it isn’t over yet.

If you have other children beware, what began for us as one infant became 4 in two years.

We bought second hand high chairs, other equipment and some toys etc from our local buy and swop Facebook page. We were lucky, the parents were entirely happy with our care, even accepted dinasaur chicken shapes as part of lunch. Establish rules or at least expectations on biscuits, sweets, treats - much easier to say no

Sorry - thought I’d started a new post, didn’t mean to gatecrash this one ....

Hi - moving soon and will be nearer grandchildren who are 2 and almost 4 - they are cousins. I’m not doing regular looking after (as far as I know !!) and will see them mostly separately . My g/s (almost 4) is very lively ( but obedient most of the time !) I want to do calming but absorbing activities with him ( once we have run off the energy) He loves the usual - dinosaurs - Lego - trains and cars. Any brilliant ideas for crafty things ??

Have some age appropriate toys and books (2nd hand shops are great). Crayons, paper, paints, plastic sheeting for floor when grandchild old enough to do these things. High chair, cot/or something to sleep in, spare nappies, bum cream in case you run out. We always had a buggy (still have) as there is a lot to drop off each morning and was easier. Over the years we have got more toys/games, scooters, balls etc. DD1 clears out after Christmas and we and other GPs get the old stuff - now age range is 3 ¾ to 8 so am getting rid of baby things now. Follow DDs timescales and rules.

Mine is normal a Saturday so mum and dad can have a night to themselves. Me and grandkids have a takeaway or whatever they want for tea then we watch a movie and have some chocolate. Sleepover and go home after dinner. My son and daughter inlaw know what we do. But it’s treat night at my house. Kids love it and so do parents as it gives them a night off.

Being able to look after your grandchildren would certainly be a moment of joy and excitement. I suggest you have a proper talk with the parents to know more about the child since parenting has changed a way different from that of past.

Hi all.
Thank you for your advice.. I certainly dont assume that My Daughter will want My help so We shall see

Cafeaulait

Very insightful and fully agree

Expectations of who is doing the favour to who is interesting in this discussion. Mine never had any childcare outside me. Had I needed it, I would have expected to pay a centre or professional for it. I'd never have asked a GP. If I had asked them, they'd have been doing me the favour. If they had come to me of their own accord saying, "I'd love to have her one day a week while you're at work," I'd have seen me as doing them the favour, as I'm giving them something they want when I don't need it or specifically want it. The perception of who is doing who the favour might affect expectations of the arrangement. If a GP had been watching my child (because they wanted to and had offered) and didn't want to follow something important to me, I'd have just made other arrangements as I was planning to do in the first place. Surely the one who loses out there is the one who cares what the care arrangement is, in that case, the GP?

I ask permission before bringing my gdaughter anywhere, although my daughter says I can take her anywhere. I like to know her capabilities if I'm not sure, such as on playgrounds- how high can she climb, what is she allowed to go on, things like that. I keep up to date on what she's eating, any foods that don't agree with her. I'm a nurse so my daughter trusts my judgement as far as safety but nobody knows baby like mom does!

My daughter is relaxed about taking out toys so I don't enforce clean-up time yet. When gdaughter gets older, I'll teach her to help me pick up. It can be exhausting to have the house in chaos after working all week, but I want her to have fun when she's here.

My house is the only place where my gdaughter has ever had soda- I asked my daughter before giving it to her. It's a big treat! Gd is into helping me bake these days- toddlers love mixing and pouring. But I adhere to any limits on sweets that my d sets.

I think that making sure mom feels that her authority is respected is important, but as grandmas we also need to feel respected and trusted- after all, we raised these kids that are now parents!

I recognize things have changed. However I am a sensible woman and just pleased both daughters are relaxed about how I managed their children. If I had AC laying the law down with strict do's and don't s I would be tempted to suggest they look elsewhere for child care ! My DG love coming , we bake , paint , glue and potter in the garden . Sometimes a trip to the park and occasionally they have the opportunity to choose a sweet treat in our local shop. AC can't have it both ways !!! I have no patience with the idea that GP are expected to provide free child care but are not allowed to nurture their GC in a way that is best for them . Children recognize that their relationship with Grandma differs from the relationship they have with parents. That is the joy of being a GP and I love it !

I did this with our first grandchild, DaisyDaisyDaisy, it was fine.
As PSP have said, practices have changed, but luckily my dd is a relaxed type and trusted to my common sense, and presumably the fact that she had emerged from childhood unscathed! Unlike some grandparents I know, I never had long lists of strict rules and schedules to follow. TBH I’d never have done it on that basis.
I hope it goes well for you both, and that you will enjoy it.

My personal preference is that the stricter rules apply. For example, maybe Grandma thinks it should be okay for a child to have a cookie at lunchtime, but Mom and Dad say no. Mom and Dad's rules apply. OTOH, maybe at home the child is allowed to take the cushions off the couch and build a fort out of them, but Grandma says no at her house. Grandma's rules apply.

We are going to be having our gd one day a week soon. A rough schedule as to what the child does at home would be a good idea, nap times, food and drinks and mealtimes etc. There seems to be a lot of new thoughts about mealtimes since mine were young. My dil says modern thinking is to present suitable food and let the child get on with it. Help where needed with a spoonful here and there. No praising for what they eat, just perhaps encourage to try something but certainly no having to eat something they don’t want to or having to finish everything on the plate. Water to drink rather than fruit juice, and check what cup the child uses. They do come for a meal occasionally so have seen all these things in action. Not allowed toys at the table. We are happy to go along with all this.

If you do get to have your gc, maybe having your own buggy would be good. We were lucky in that a friend gave us some baby equipment such as a high chair, buggy and a few toys. We already have lots of books and nice toys saved from our children which will be handy later on.

Fingers crossed for you. As others have said, you just take it day by day. When our gd is visiting we clear away things we know are not ok for her to touch and play with, but we never let her out of our sights. It’s so different minding a child that isn’t your own! Do you need a stair gate or fire guard perhaps? You don’t have to spend a fortune. Charity shops have lots of stuff.

Grandparents are perfectly entitled to have some ground rules of their own, and the parents of the child/children are entitled to decide whether or not to accept them, and to make other arrangements for childcare if they don't.

Do it at their house not yours, keep all that mess in one place! I love having my 2 but they are hard work so I have asked for the 2 year old to go to play group in the morning of the two days I have them.

Ground rules- it is up to the parents of the child.

I also agree with others - it is great to offer, keeping an open mind about the reply. It could be accepted or rejected

You may like to see if there is a grandparenting course available in your area. (Obviously they may not be in-person during COVID, but you might be able to find something via Zoom or other platform.) The idea behind grandparenting courses is to update grandparents on things that may have changed since they had their children, so they're familiar with current recommendations and standards. For example, it's now recommended that children should be in a rear-facing car seat for much longer than was the case even when I was a child.

If you do this I hope your daughter is not too insistant about what you can and can not do. I get a bit fed up hearing about what Grandparents can and can't do when they have children in their care ! Parents are lucky to have a loving GP to take care of their child. Children accept the differences and adapt. You will be doing the parents a favour - it is not the other way round! If we want to go away I just tell my daughter in good time and she makes alternative arrangements. It works very well and we are all happy.

If you don’t drive will your DD then have to drop and collect from you- is that convenient for her?

When DD2 looked after her sisters baby when she returned to work, she had to follow her elder sisters rules, not easy, but there you go.
DD2 also insisted that she went on a short first aid course ( DD2 worked for the NSPCC at the time).

I used to have my g/children one day a week up until they started school.
I loved it,no problems with rules ect,as dil`s said your house your rules.
Those were the days,enjoy every moment as it soon passes.

If your offer is welcomed, make sure that any 'rules' are ones that you can either follow or negotiate. Otherwise, don't do it.

For instance, I remember a gran on here who was not allowed to take the grandchild in her care out of the house, not even to a little play area across the road.

I personally could not look after a child with that sort of stipulation attached (unless there was some very strong medical reason for it), so would have to withdraw my offer.

I looked after DGD from birth to Reception class, 1 day a week in her home. I loved it .

I have had my GC one day a week for years . It works well and I am considerably older than you. If the parents do take you up on your offer ( don't be offended if they decline!)Have to our own stock of toys , paint and craft materials. You will find having you GC simply becomes part of your weekly routine. As for rules I agree some parental rules must be followed- however my daughters have both trusted me implicitly to do the right thing. As they grew out of babyhood they understand that time with GM is different from time at home. The rules have to be different as they are in my house - I insist on that ! That way it it easier to lay down Grandma rules. Personally I feel I must have my own standards in order to keep them safe. I am obviously not as agile as my daughters so provide care for them in ways that I know I can manage! My daughters accept that and recognize I need to set my own boundaries for my peace of mind and the safety of my DG. It has always worked . The children have recognized that time with me differs from time with parents. Obviously I would not make any major decisions without consulting them. I would never take them out for the day without discussing with them first. If you do this don't t worry about looking after a bay - it will all flood back to you ! I will never regret my one day a week and the GC will always remember our time together.