The Gransnet Panto

Brilliant Carol!!

Apologies
I’d love to be in your panto, but there’s a place I’ve got to go
Little Polly’s on her way, I’ll need to be around to play
Her little sister’s staying back, till feeding, she has got the knack
Mum and dad are off their heads, they’re here and there, no time for bed
As soon as Alice is with her sis, and they’re all home, I’ll come back to this
I’ll sit in the stalls, heckle and shout, when the Ugly Sisters strut and pout
I’ll be there, Bailey’s in hand, dissing the Fairy with her wand
I can’t believe you’re wearing that! It’s not Primani, just old tat
And Prince, you’re ugly – you won’t do! You seriously can’t fit that shoe
With zits and shell-suit, you’re a sight, you won’t get off with her tonight
Cinders, you don’t make the grade, you’re dog-rough, you will not get laid!
Slurp – this wine is rather thin, I think I’ll strengthen it with some gin
Aaah! Now I’m getting in my stride, it’s better than the tardis ride
I love relaxing with my friends, I love you all – I can’t pretend
I’m drunk again, can you tell – Oh No! I’ll get it from Annobel!
She hasn’t forgiven me for last time, who gives a toss, it’s not a crime
Sob....I just get maudlin this time of year, I drink too much...sob...gerrof.....
You can’t make me leave, I paid for these tickets....sob...hic! ...effin’ expensive
Yerranyouan’all, you ol’ bat....no.......gerrof, you’re not a pleceman, you’re nowt but a kid
Gerrof....give me my drink back you b*****ds.......oh, shit.....as I said.......sorry....gerrof I said....!

Strik out that line didn't work!!!!

Here I am, the Christmas fairy
In my dress so bright and airy.
I hope you like my little ditty
And you think that I am pretty,
-Although I'm feeling rather -(oh no...)
I'll try hard to be very witty.

You might think I'm rather old
To be a fairy bright and bold.
But with this wand and flouncy frock
I won't give you a big shock.
Just don't look closely, or you'll see
I should be on the Christmas tree!

I'll wave my wand across you all
If you're short, I'll make you tall.
If you're fat I'll make you thin,
Even if you're skinny I'll let you in!
Spots and wrinkles fade away
When my magic spell holds sway.

And so, dear grans, hold hands with me,
And let's shout out in merry glee
A happy Christmas, that's the sign,
Now give me a large glass of wine
And then another if you please,
Until I see a hundred Christmas trees.

Thank you Madam Producer. I have the tiny matter of Christmas to deal with but shall then focus all my efforts on supporting this major production!

em is offically the step mom then!!!!
I hope you all sewing your costumes.
love Chlamydia xxxx my wit is infectious1

Lovely! em.

I'm here now, Cinders' fab stepmother
Kind, elegant above all other!
I'm very choosy about my dress
But my ambition I'll confess
Is to curb young Cinderella's passion
While dressing in the height of fashion
So tell me confidentially, chum
In this, does it look big, my bum??

gracesmum

susie

I think I''ll be Chlamydia the Ugly Sisters Uglier Sister.

yogagran if you are doing the costumes don't forget the IKEA dresses for the ugly sisters (not original but it makes me laugh) - you know, you only have to walk past and the drawers come off. Boom! Boom!

Done!

Annobel

Rubella and Salmonella?

Let's gather round for Cinderella
We know she'll get her lovely fella.
But what about the Ugly Dames?
Suggestions for the sisters' names.

I think that these days I'm better when underlit, tbh. Spotlights just tend to highlight the wrinkles.

If I keep on with the ciggies I could provide smoke effects for some scenes, but then the coughing might drown out the dialogue (or singing?)

On that note (pun!) who is going to be in charge of the song sheet with the bouncing ball thingy?

I could do the lighting if there is no one else to do it I have a powerful torch that could do the spotlight, but we need more than that any ideas anyone ?

That would be great yogagran . Do you have access to industrial strength lycra and a trowel?

Shall I do the costumes and make-up?

Love it but not sure I could manage any of my lines in poetic form but if you could. Could HQ help us preserve this artistic endeavour in some way?
Keep going Ladies the panto is anytime all day on 28th December - its Cinderella with as many twists and funky turns as we can.

I'd like to be a belle of St Trinians who gatecrashes the ball.

I'm a Belle of St Trinians
Got no time for the minions
Who do what they're told and are good

I'm bad to the core
Do you want to know more?
Well I don't really think that you should.

I wear what I want,
and go where I will
And do all the things others hate

So if you don't want me
To upset your party
You'd better put guards on the gate.

I would be happy..please
to be given a part I could do with ease
Maybe a part as a little mouse
one of those who cleans Cinderella's house
Otherwise I might be found asleep
sitting behind my laptop in a heap
Waking up at a later date
feeling sad that I was too late
I love the thought of a pantomine
spoken in the Aussie strine!!!

Em, that's brill!

I wish I had been able to save the post, i will have to hope it comes back to me, but for now I'm off to bed.

Night all.

Oh Phoenix I've never read a stroppier post!! I could hear the stamping of the feet.

The rhymes are going oh so well
And suddenly descend to hell!
She's canvassing for every part
But then she seems to break her heart
And so the feet do stamp and hop
As Phoenix has a major strop.
I'm sure my dear you'll turn your hand to
Any role you're given in panto!

We want more Phoenix, we want more....
faye's earlier comment about falling asleep during the Christmas party immediately made me think of the dormouse in Alice in Wonderland