Military partner

It's tougher on military wives these days as they often don't have others living near them. We lived in married quarters when my sons were born so I didn't have anyone around me asking me how I was going to make the relationship work.

Tell her she'll be fine and not to listen to the doubters. It's her life that she has chosen so she'll make it work.

We’re a military family so I would suggest your DD explains to her friends that if her partner were posted overseas it would be even more difficult for her.
As my RAF father used to say, ‘Anywhere in England is near.’

Separations come with the job. It’s tough but at least he’s not away for four months at a time in the Royal Navy.
Hopefully her friends will be more supportive when the baby arrives.

Thanks for your reply,I think he might be away for four months sometime towards the end of next year😬. Well cross that bridge ....
I think she's feeling quite vulnerable at the moment and slightly overwhelmed.
As you say I hope they will rally around.

Thank you

I was a Navy wife.

DS2 'had' to be born a week early because his father's ship was due to sail a week after baby's due date and the hospital wanted me to have support for 2 weeks before having to cope with 2 babies on my own. DS1 was 14 months old.

Thankfully when they were about to induce me they realised I was already in labour and he was born a couple of hours later.

I'm not a military wife but I met DH online and we lived in different cities for 3 years. We couldn't meet up often due to work commitments. Long term relationships can work especially we now have the internet and face time.

Haydnpat "Does any one have any advice I can pass on to her." Her first move should be to shut her friends and colleagues up. What a pessimistic lot! They are not being at all helpful. She could answer "I won't be doing that on my own. My partner will be making it work too. There are two of us in this relationship."

Dad was in the RAF, in those days we had a string of married quarters until my early teens, he was away for spells of 3 months at a times. It was a cosseted community because there were many others the same, parents and children, when we lived off base my youngest brother was around 9 yrs, mum was experienced and had lots of friends locally and my friends were at the same school.
I understand that these days it’s much harder because there is no support network I’m sure the military could do more to help couple have a decent relationship.

DH was in the Royal Navy and on a ship when DS1 was due. My family were 400 miles away but my DM came to stay for a couple of weeks. He managed to get home for the birth as the ship was in the UK, but after DM left he was suddenly recalled from leave and I found myself alone with 10 day old baby. It did mean I could eat and sleep when it suited me and baby. I wasn't preparing meals for a particular time and there was less laundry to do. We had no emails or phone calls but we got through it, and have just had our golden wedding. She will be fine. Encourage her to be confident about the future.

DH was in the Navy on patrol in the Gulf when DS was born.
No email or phone calls in the late 80's, my son was 5 months old when DH saw his son for the first time.
I just got on with it, time goes so fast when you have a new baby.
When my DD was born, (on both occasions I was sectioned) this time he was in the UK, but on 2 years exchange to the RAF, so he disappeared every Sunday night and got home Friday evening, that was harder as I had a 4 year old who was due to start school. Tbh it was better when he was away in a block, not weekending. But my saving grace was my friends from work, my neighbours where terrific and my family who put themselves out to see me.
She will be fine, I'm sure.

I was a raf brat lol I married a soldier lived 15yrs as a army wife living all over and my sons both joined military one of my daughter inlaws also military you learn to support each other in the military with family not being near as for work mates etc tell her they only jealous as she got her man in uniform and if they love each other it will work. You learn to live your life differently. I was with mine for 23yrs

She will have family support as she won't be moving onto camp. I think she's just feeling a bit down because two of her best friends are also pregnant and have husbands at home.

DH was in the RN for many years and it did feel at times like being a single parent but I didn't go back to work straight away; not many young Mums did then and several of the neighbours had children the same age so we formed a group as well as joining in and helping with playgroup etc.

However, the worst times were at weekends when other Dads were home and friends were all in their family units.
Are you nearby? I didn't have parents near either but did have some family not far away and saw them regularly.

She is becoming quite upset as lots of her friends and work colleagues are asking how she is going to make the long distance relationship work. Does any one have any advice I can pass on to her.
They are being very unkind. Three hours away is no distance at all and he will have time off to come home, not like a 12 month tour of duty to Australasia.
Of course they can make it work!

You say she can’t move because she has to return to work after her maternity leave - nowadays you can take a year’s maternity leave although the level of maternity pay goes down after 39 weeks. Can she not be with or close to him for at least the 39 weeks?

Perhaps she could seek new employment, after her maternity leave, near to where her husband will be based?

I was an RAF wife and had some good postings however short postings you were left behind but as someone said further up if you’re in married quarters you get lots of support a bit worse if you were living overseas when the short postings happened
Three hours isn’t very far away and he ll get leave to be with her nearer the time of the birth
I was all alone at the birth of all three of my babies and 8000 miles away from a mum or dad …..but I managed
Royal navy or merchant seaman had many more longer partings

Germanshepherdsmum

You say she can’t move because she has to return to work after her maternity leave - nowadays you can take a year’s maternity leave although the level of maternity pay goes down after 39 weeks. Can she not be with or close to him for at least the 39 weeks?

Good idea, they could get a married quarter for the duration of her maternity leave and perhaps rent their own property out for a short-term let.

Unfortunately she won't be able to relocate, she earns more than her partner.

But during her maternity leave, whilst she is entitled to 90%of her salary during the first 39 weeks, what’s the problem about where she lives during that time?

Unfortunately that isn't the case, she won't get 90% of her salary for 39 weeks. She will only get statuary because that is lower than her salary.

90% of salary is her entitlement for the first 39 weeks. She doesn’t seem to understand her rights.

You're wrong I'm afraid. She's a lawyer and is sure of her entitlement.

I think she is bound to be feeling a bit wobbly at the moment, she is pregnant.. but if she has a good salary she will be able to arrange child care and afford to visit her husband if she wishes..
her friends and colleagues are obviously not helping her at the moment.. maybe just tell them that..

Thank you