Longing for daughter

They way you describe feeling doesnt sound healthy. Have you spoken to your GP? Had any private counselling?

It sounds like it might be a good thing your DD got some distance, your happiness and wellbeing shouldnt be dependant on her.

It is normal to grieve a bit for loved ones who move away but your post sounds beyond that

I understand- Despite your best efforts you've a longing for someone you love- Coping better indicates you've made progress- There are so many things we learn to live with and adapt to while others become somewhat of a handicap that take a bit longer to shake off- Accepting isn't always easy but necessary- I found trying to keep an open mind provides opportunities to shift my focus when it's become stuck- You're certainly not alone ..

Of course you miss your daughter, is their anyway you could pay her a visit in the near future I presume you skype keep in regular contact WhatsApp etc etc, where you able to go to the wedding? I must admit I would miss one of my children if they lived abroad but I would try and save so that I could visit once every three or four years, sorry you are so sad

It's difficult I know JaneNJ when our adult children move on. Have you had any treatment or counselling for your depression that would help you.
There are a lot of positives in your story, your daughter is happy and looking to start a family, you have other children nearby, no estrangement issues etc. Unfortunately when you are depressed its only the down side which is apparent. Lots of ways to keep in touch, be happy for your daughter.

You need counselling or help of some kind you shouldn’t be so dependant on one person that your life almost ends if they are not there it’s not healthy for you and certainly not good for her to have your happiness as her responsibility
All three of my children moved overseas I am an only child no cousins left, both parents have died, but I m happy for my kids and grandkids and get on with my own life because I m not depressed I think you sound as if you are very depressed and need help which I hope you will seek and get
Talk to your Gp as soon as you can

Our DS (only child) & DiL moved 5000 miles away: I always thought they'd come home eventually, but there are now two gorgeous DGC and it's been 20 years... You just have to live with it I'm sorry to say. But perhaps you can focus on your next visit?

I agree with others - it sounds like you could benefit from counselling. You say you have two other children who live locally, a good marriage and a business but for some reason you seem to be experiencing something akin to a bereavement. I think talking to someone before your other children start to pick up on the fact that you don’t see the relationship you have with them as close or as good as the one you have with your DD - that wouldn’t be a nice thing for them. Your DD sounds like she’s happy - try and be happy for her

My youngest DD and family lived in Australia for 8 years it was upsetting but I had my other DD and family locally. I never felt like your feeling so I agree with other posters I don’t feel it’s healthy to depend on that one person for your happiness. I used to visit every other Christmas and we would FaceTime every week for a few hours at a time. I missed them but not to your extent. Please try and get more involved in those closest to you.

Dear JaneNJ I can and do feel your grief as I have a similar eldest daughter. However you have so much! Two other children living nearby and a husband and s business so come on...time to count your blessings. You never lose what is truly yours. And she is, and you won’t, she has to have room for a bit to spread her wings. You have done so well, great love always comes at a cost please don’t lose what is under your nose.

Davida1968 same! Our one and only moved to Australia 12 years ago, now married with two daughters. It's really difficult but such is life.

Like the others, I think you’d benefit from counselling. You appear to have a bit of a distorted view at the moment, as you actually have great things in your life. Two local children, a good marriage, a business. You don’t want to risk detriment to these, because you could be seen to be hankering for your eldest. I’m sure you could be helped.

Your post shows, you know this is a bit out of balance, you have a good life here and now, and you have 3 children not one. You are in control of your thoughts and what you dwell on. With study/help you can change your pattern. Do it - you'll be happier for it and I'm sure you family and friends will be glad to see you happier too.

My sister's eldest son moved to Australia a few years ago, taking his family, 2 of her grandsons. They are very settled there now, the 2 boys really embracing the Aussie way of life, Since going out there, they have had a daughter, the first girl in the family since she and I. Since her finances don't allow her to take that sort of trip, my nephew bought her a plane ticket for a 'special'birthday and she spent 3 weeks visiting, meeting and getting to know her granddaughter.
They skype every weekend, as time differences don't fit into a working week, but now Florence knows her English Granny, recognizes her and talks to her there.
The visit has made such a difference, I hope that you will be able to plan visits to your daughter, and her family, as it grows, as it makes the skyping more meaningful.

I would be distraught too. My daughter nearly emigrated to Australia and just the thought had me in tears, but thankfully it never happened.
I don't have any advice unfortunately. Maybe book yourself a flight out there.

Your upside is that your other children are nearby, focus on them particularly when missing your daughter. Remember, you as a parent have done a good job, you brought your daughter up to be strong and independent, enough to move as she has. You can be proud of her and yourself. Insist on regular facetime when the grandchild comes along - it is a marvellous substitute until visits are possible. Your daughter will want her child to know you. You will always wish they were closer to home but once you accept it, you will feel much better about things. Take care and share feelings with your husband.

My only daughter and family moved to Canada about 15 years ago and my late husband and I used to save to visit them once a year. Now she and my granddaughter have moved back to England I still don't see them much.

When my son left home to live with his girlfriend I was so upset it felt like a bereavement. It took about a year to get over it.

Hmmm. I think...you will always miss her. Some parents are better at ‘moving on’ I have a friend who said ‘nope, they’ve grown up now, sure it’s lovely to see them, it it’s my life again now’ and maybe that’s lucky. I’m in close contact with mine, but I still miss them, that closeness, the things we did. I know those times are gone and that they have to be. I’d hate for their sakes for us to be so close that eventual sundering isn’t too painful to bear. Your love is so strong, and isn’t it lucky we’ve both had such wo percent derful closeness to miss? All you can do, I think, with anything like this is to live well, for both of you. Arrange a regular video call slot, plan ahead for a special visit, and do new things of your own that you can tell her about. ‘Hey, I learned to fly/knit/paint/hike...whatever it might be so you can both share new things. Sympathies. x

To JaneNJ - There is evidence showing that a Holocaust background history can affect future generations psychologically, so I think you might explore that possibility depression-wise. My son-in-law's mum had a Kindertransport history, and could never bear even the tiniest separation from family/friends.

I’m so sorry you’re feeling so very low . You might be interested in an active thread on gransnet cafe forum, where the current topic is about children and grandchildren living very far away . I’ve found it very helpful to talk with others in the same situation .

I know exactly how you feel JaneNJ. Im in the same boat and my 2 sons (only have them) both moved to Singapore with no sign of coming back. I visit regularly but leaving to come home is terrible. I concentrate on how nice a life they are having, with a maid and year round sunshine, virtually no crime - this comforts me - could it you?

I totally understand as I have a similar relationship with my daughter.
I'm relatively lucky as she only lives about 100 miles away. She and her husband had a lovely little boy nearly three years ago and there have been times when I've had to give myself a good talking to when I've got sad about the fact that I can't help with his care or see them more often than I do.
The key for me seems to be to have something to look forward to.
I know it's a long way, but can you go to visit? Will your daughter be coming to visit you?
I'm glad, too, that my daughter has a happy marriage when so many don't, and a lovely little boy after a difficult struggle.
I suppose I'm saying try to find some positive things to hang on to. Your daughter was never going to stay with you for life unless there was something very wrong. So try to be glad she's got a good life, wherever it is.
I echo all the people who've recommended counselling - it really can help to re-frame your thoughts.

I wonder if part of the way you feel about this is explained by the fact that you, like all others who lost family in the Holocaust like children and grandchildren of those who survived the camps carry the burden of their suffering.

I hope you are able to discuss this aspect with someone who understands how significant it can be.

Having a daughter living so far away is difficult, but we have to accept that our children chose their own path and try to be happy for them.

If your daughter and her husband are happy where they are, I am afraid you will need to accept that and not go on hoping they will move back nearer to you.

I feel for you, but you are so lucky to have two other children. Everything else sounds so good too. Try and focus on all you have. I've had depression, since not well. My only daughter lives few miles away with only grandchild I dote on. When I'm with her I feel so much better but when she leaves I plummet. My granddaughter is my world. I don't have a good marriage, out of work. I know I need to reduce my dependence on her but don't feel well enough.