My son and his drug abuse. Same old story.

Just want to let you know I've read you post, no advice but sending you every good wish.

Marelli at some point you have to say enough is enough and take care of your own health. He's a grown adult and is making you ill but if you keep picking him up and getting him back on his feet even though its making you ill he will keep on doing it.

Forgive me if I sound harsh, my heart goes out to you but please its time to take care of you.

So hard, marelli. So hard. and hugs.

So sorry to hear that your sons addiction has overshadowed your life.
Have you looked at
www.adfam.org.uk for local support groups.
I wish you well and hope you find a support group in your area.

I have no advice either Marelli just sending you hugs as you try to cope again.

It's worth taking on board Tanith's advice and asking yourself if it's a possibility for you.

It is a pity that you are making yourself ill because your son finds it impossible to give up his addiction. I am sure you have been told that he has to WANT to give up, and there is help there for him to do that. It is difficult to understand why someone would want to destroy their lives in such a way that it is destroying that of others also, particularly those who love him. I can't tell you what to do, only that I hope you find a way forward without the sadness.

I am so sorry for your situation, marelli. One of my sister's five sons was a constant trial to her, in one lot of trouble after another, some of it serious. She never stopped picking him up; he never stopped letting her down. In the end it impacted seriously on her health. Please don't let it impact on yours. I agree with Tanith. You sound as if you are just about at your limit.

Me too (as others have said)- think of yourself for a change.
You can't do anything, only he can.
My ex was hooked on alcohol - I used to blame myself, but came to realise that it was his responsibility alone.

Hi Marelli , It is an awful situation to be in . People just do not understand that you can`t just switch off , he is your son and always will be no matter what he does . Famanon is quite good for families of addicts , I say this with some reservation, but when you are in that desperate place any support is better than none . I think sometimes you just need to vent and don`t necessarily want advice especially from people who have no understanding of addiction. The problem is not coming off drugs as most addicts can manage this with help , it is actually staying off them which requires a complete change of life style , friends , location and lots of support which is not actually available any more. I don`t mean to be negative , just realistic. It may be that he is never able to give up or maybe one day something in him will tell him enough is enough . All you can do is try to look after yourself (easier said than done) talk to whoever will listen without judgement and keep on being his Mum . Lots of love to you

Stick to the 3c's
You didn't cause it
You can't control it
And you can't cure it
Please try and contact families anonymous for support.they have all been in your shoes and know how to cope with it. Good luck

Marelli

I am so sorry you are still going through this. It must be nightmarish for you. No advice really. I would say, try to distance yourself, but he's your son and it's not that easy.

You're between a rock and hard place, you know the toll it takes on your own health but he's your son and that love runs so deep no matter what he's done. Hope you're able to get the support you need to tread the difficult middle road - one that enables you to show you care about him but also about yourself too. Easier said than done, thinking of you x

Marelli
I understand that feeling of just wanting to let it all go and not have to think,or do,but be allowed to be.I understand your bone weary tiredness at struggling to keep it all together,but only you can give yourself permission to step back,which is the hardest thing any mum can do when our children are on a path of self destruct.
You aren't asking for answers and I can't give you any that would give you peace,but I understand and send love for you in your despairxxxxx

I feel so sorry for you but I agree with every word that tanith says. You must start looking after your own health. Sorry to sound so harsh but he is not going to change if you keep picking him up again after each blip. It is crushing you financially, physically and mentally.

Hugs and .

Oh Marelli I'm so sorry to hear things haven't improved. You must be dreadfully weary. It's so very hard. You're often in my thoughts.

Marelli it's every mothers nightmare, and I can only imagine how sick and terrified you must feel. I'm not sure I could stand back from my son but please look after yourself first, for your own sake and your husband and family. (((Hugs)))

Marelli so sorry to hear what you are going through with your son. No one knows exactly what goes on in others minds or why your son does these things but you have obviously been there for him and given all the support you can. As others have said, take care of yourself.

You have all been so kind and understanding - thank you so much.
I did join Famanon at the start of the year, which was his last 'blip'. I found it helpful in that no-one expected to 'make things better' for their addicted loved one, but had recognised what they, as the family member, had to do to keep sane, and that was usually to let them make their own way. Really so very hard.
I saw him this afternoon, and told him that I would try to step back a bit and not worry so much (impossible), to which he replied that there was no need to worry and that he always knew when I was worrying as I asked veiled questions. It's occurred to me that I may be putting more pressure on him by doing this.
AgathaBiscuit, there doesn't appear to be an Adfam in my area, but I've emailed local drug services to ask if there's anything similar. Thank you.
Tomorrow's another day, and hopefully he'll be well enough to go to work, after what he's described as 'just a heavy weekend'.

Marelli - thinking of you x

I think this is every parents nightmare and I really feel for you but like others have said
You need to
Look after yourself it must be so hard to step back Google luck ?

Marelli

Marelli . You and your son are in my thoughts.

Oh dear Marelli , still in the same quagmire!

It sucks the life out of you and all that's left is for him to break the cycle but whilst it is looking less likely now there may still be a day when he genuinely asks for help and I dearly hope that day happens for you all.

Sorry to read things haven't improved.