24 HOUR CARING

??? to you Sparky I'm sure there are all sorts of things that get to you
With your DH's situation.

I imagine it's not just the fact of having his help, but that feeling of a life, with all its trivialities, being truly shared. I am so sad for you sparky, it must feel lonely at times.

Frankly the balance of a relationship is upset when one becomes less able and the other's role morphs into that of carer. It may be possible to either just grit your teeth, count your blessings and KBO as Churchill used to say. The frustration experienced by the less able partner, feeling useless and dependent, can also be draining on both parties.
I have to help DH get dressed these days, clear up after his shower, prepare all meals and clear away etc afterwards. He can't carry things upstairs as he needs both hands to support and balance. If I am being honest, he did rather tend to be less than "hands on" to put it politely, but to be fair, he has not known -good health in the last 25 years -sometimes a little bit better, sometimes a lot worse!
But to return to my point of balance, the partnership is no longer equal but it can be complementary.
I do not know the extent of your DH's disability but cheerful chat while you fulfil your domestic goddess role may still help him to feel useful. You will both grow into your "new" roles, but in a different way. Good luck!

Yes Alea, I think you are right, I recently took a job as. personal assistant to 2 90 yr olds, and they definitely complement each other. Is lovely !

That is strange sparkygran - my OH has always been the one to clear up and fill the dishwasher - I do the cooking. He has PD and just recently he does not always do this, or leaves it so long that everything is dried on. I am standing back from this as I do not want to take over his roles until it becomes absolutely necessary. It is not that he is not able to do this physically - but he forgets now.

I do know what you mean about missing this small contribution. It is because it is a move from "normality."

My husband is often ill and it is the weight of having to do all the household jobs which I find most tiring. Putting out the bins, having to make every cup of tea, cook every meal and do all the shopping.
I think full time carers have to take care of themselves as well. Don't let it wear you out.

humbertbear*
It can be the RESPONSIBILITY that wears you down, can't it? I have a dear friend who glibly jokes that her DH is "outdoor monitor" while she is "indoor monitor". Hollow laugh. If I don't do something it doesn't get done and it sounds as if we are very much in the same boat!

My husbands health fluctuates so I take responsibility for every thing and any help from him is a bonus. However when he is either laid up or in hospital I realise how hard it is to do absolutely everything. So Respect to those of you in that position permanently.

This is striking a chord with me as I have to to everything physical as well as financial and remembering appts, prescriptions in fact everything. Now I am rather incapacitated, I have been to the DR's this am and he thinks it is my back with the pain radiating down my leg,it is very painful so we are in "the mire".
My D lives 300 miles away and my S brings to mind a chocolate teapot.
However her is taking us to appts and doing all my shopping so I am thankful for small mercies. Off to INR clinic in 20 mins.

The worst thing of all though is the lack of conversation. That is a killer to a relationship.

Hellow sparkygran! I don't believe I've met you before. I'm Wendysue and a fairly new member here.

DH and I aren't at this point yet, but you ladies are giving me a glimpse of the future, especially since he's several years older than I am.

For now, to sparky and all of you facing these problems - lots of (((hugs!)))

Hello dear GNetters I thank you from the bottom of my heart for all your posts. Wendysue thanks for the hugs. annsixty you are so right its the conversation I miss along with all the little domestic things DH used to do. I find GN very supportive and I thank you all for responding. It has become a very lonely existence but before you think I`ve no-one I am so lucky to have the most amazing daughter and 2 sons. I will battle on